Dark Necessities
by FreyjaBee
Summary: Lucy Heartfilia made a deal with the darkest wizard alive to save the world from a terrible fate. The magic she took to do so is the corrupting kind. The killing kind. The liberating kind. She's done terrible things and doesn't feel as guilty as she should. (Romance, drama, horror) Re-write of 'What's on the Inside'. Mature audiences only please. M for sex, violence, mature themes
1. Chapter 1

_Fairy Tail belongs to Hiro Mashima._

This fiction deals with mature themes, (sex, violence.) There will be multiple parings. It will be dark. Mature audiences only, please. This is a *re-write* (I am using this term so very loosely.) Sorry anyone that was reading it when I deleted it.

Welcome to,

 ** _Dark Necessities_**

 ** _(Previously 'What's on the Inside?')_**

* * *

The sky was red. Not the red of sunsets, or the red of rare, violent storms. But the red of blood. A scarlet so pure, it was heartbreaking. The air smelled damp. It wouldn't be long before the rain came, and when it did, the poison-laden water would seep into the ground and contaminate everything.

There wasn't too much time.

"Lucy." The way he said her name like it was a coveted secret shared only between friends, or lovers, gave her chills.

"Y-you came," Lucy's fingers tingled with uncontrolled nerves. With her heart hammering in her ears so loudly, she almost missed his reply.

"When I found out it was Layla's daughter calling, I couldn't resist."

Lucy swallowed and asked the question that had kept her up for days. "What were you to each other?"

He simply stared at her, inky black eyes boring holes in her skin. "That's a secret I promised I would take to my grave."

"I'm her daughter, I deserve to know," Lucy said with whatever small amount of courage she had left.

"Being her daughter does not grant you the same privileges or concessions I gave to her." His voice was dark and rich, full of unannounced danger and a little something that had her leaning in, despite her better judgment. He eyed her warily, as if he _knew_ her heart was doing strange things. "Why are we here?"

Lucy straightened, fingers fussing with the hem of her shirt. "I found a letter to my mother signed by you. In it, you told her that though she failed, whatever she wanted, whatever she needed, you'd give, and that extended to her daughter as well." She was either very brave or very stupid, playing with darkness as she was.

He blinked his onyx eyes and took in a deep breath, as if now lamenting his words. "I see… what of it?"

Lucy gnawed on her lip. "He needs to be stopped. I want to do it, but I'm not strong enough. My mother said you could give people power. Is that true?"

"Give?" he questioned.

Lucy nodded.

Tilting his face up, he looked at the heavy clouds. "I haven't ever given anything for free. Layla knew that. She also knew better than to ask, but you're not as bright as she was, are you?"

Lucy thought to be insulted, however, she was too scared to talk back and defend herself, so she accepted the offence with as much dignity as she could muster. "I wouldn't ask, but I need the power to save my friends." Her voice was a hushed whisper, quieter than a snake slipping through grass.

He smirked. "Oh, is that all?"

He was ribbing her. Lucy clenched her hand into a tight fist. "Don't make it sounds so worthless; they're the most important thing in the world to me. I would do anything to save them, even deal with you."

"Yes, I see that." Dark kimono heavy and hot in the stifling heat, tree bark digging into his back and Lucy Heartfilia asking for a kindness, Zeref was uncomfortable in a way he hadn't been for a very long time. To ease some of the discomfort, he tried knitting his fingers together and wrapping them around his knees. It didn't help much. "I feel obligated to tell you, this isn't the answer you're seeking."

Lucy crossed her arms and gripped her elbows. "This is the only answer I have."

"You don't have many choices available to you."

Though it was a statement, Lucy felt obliged to shake her head. "You're my only hope."

"It's a sad thing when I've become the hope of the world."

"Please…"

With a puffing sigh, he stood and closed the distance between them, sandals making the desiccated grass crinkle and crumple under his feet. "I won't do it lightly, so tell me you want this."

He stopped so close that Lucy could feel his breath break over her cheek. She licked her lips nervously. _It's not too late to tell him no._ "Yes."

"There will be a cost."

"There always is." She said what she thought he'd want to hear.

"And…"

So close, Lucy could see that his eyes were the absolute black of a starless night. And he had a smattering of freckles on his nose. The darkest wizard alive had never looked so human.

"Once it is done, it will likely kill you. Humans were never made for this power. You understand the fate you're stepping into?"

Lucy picked at her nails nervously. "I-I think so."

"There's no room for second guessing. Are you sure there's no other way?"

Was she? _You can walk away and still be the same woman you were before_. But that wasn't right. If she closed her eyes and didn't pick up this burden, _everyone_ would die _. A sacrifice. You have to make a sacrifice._ She would almost rather tear out her heart. It would hurt less.

"I want this," her traitorous mouth said.

He nodded sadly. "So I thought." Lifting his hands, he placed them on either side of her face, mostly ignoring the warmness that reminded him so much of Layla. Lucy Heartfilia was alive almost in the exact same way. He missed her.

So close, Lucy could smell him; mint leaves. His skin was cool to the touch. Through her lashes, she caught his eye and became trapped, a fly in a web. When her legs shook, she thought, _you can do this. Just think of Natsu and the others. They all need your help._

Her lungs had _just_ stopped fluttering when Zeref lowered his mouth to hers. His lips were cool like his hands were, and gentler than she thought possible. On contact, something colder than the darkest, windiest winter day slipped inside her heart. She trembled, quivering right down to her toes, and may have fallen over, but he held her upright, hands pressing into her cheeks. Unwittingly, she kissed him back, accepting the power he pushed into her body. Her mother described a similar process, but she didn't say how good it felt, how positively enthralling it was. This, being so close to Zeref, was a slippery slope. One, while his mouth was pressed against hers, she would have gladly tumbled down.

When he took his mouth away, Lucy panted and touched a hand to her lip. The place throbbed. In fact, so did her whole body.

Zeref's dark eyes flicked open. His mouth was damp, his pale skin flushed with colour. Like maybe he'd enjoyed it like she had. "That's it."

Lucy stared at him numbly.

Zeref released her and dropped her gaze. "You have what you need to save your friends. If you decide that you're not so brave, you can ignore it and let the magic fade—it _will_ —however, if you use it, there is no way to take it back; you'll be just as doomed as I."

She pressed her lips together and nodded. "I understand."

His eyes flit to her apple red mouth again and hesitated there. Lucy thought he'd try to kiss her one more time. Maybe she'd let him.

Darkness caressed his skin. "Goodbye, Lucy Heartfilia." Then he faded from view, born away on a bed of shadows.

Lucy watched him leave with mixed feelings. Simultaneously, she was filled up with the fresh and foreign magic in her veins, and hollowed out because he was no longer beside her. _You're crazy,_ she told herself. _He's as dark as they come. You have what you wanted from him, now go do what needs to be done._

As calmly as possible, she turned away from where Zeref had been and walked out of the now dead forest.

* * *

 **Re-writes! Re-writes! Re-writes!**

 **Thanks for reading. Sorry anyone that was in the middle of this.**

 **There** ** _will_** **come a time where you can catch up. Or you could just read the *fixed* version!**

 **-Freyja.**


	2. Chapter 2

With power that was not her own throbbing through her bones, every step was agony; her eyes ached, her skin hurt. The sky was suddenly too bright, even coated as it was in scarlet clouds, the world entirely too small. No amount of squinting or steady breathing would ease the building migraine. Zeref was right: humans weren't built for this kind of power.

 _Are you_ sure _this is what had to happen,_ she questioned herself. _Yes. This is what mom had been trying to do before she died. This is why she was sick. She'd used the magic but hesitated and it ate her away before she could kill him. You have to be better than that. You have to do what she couldn't._

 _But what if you're wrong? What if this is only an imagined threat, mom's notes the deluded ramblings of a dying woman?_

She knew they weren't. All the signs had been there, all the things her mother had described in her notebook, all coming to fruition—the blood red sky, the choking air, the dying ocean, the parched soil and sweltering heat. It was all there, plain as day for anyone with eyes to see. The world was changing. No. The world was dying, and Lucy had the power to stop it, to save everyone she had ever loved. The price was the poison magic beating like a heart in her skin. The price was Lucy Heartfilia.

The air shimmered and Loke appeared at her side.

"Lucy—"

"Go away, Loke," Lucy choked out.

"I can't, not until you stop this," he pleaded. "This magic _killed_ your mother and it will kill you too." He kept trying to catch her eye. Lucy kept her gaze trained forward, walking with great purpose to the cart she left at the edge of the forest. Through the barren trees, she could see the chestnut coloured horse tethered to the axel. The closer she came, the more it dug at the ground with an impatient hoof, snorting and eyes rolling in its head. Even it knew to be frightened of her. Realizing this, tears pressed at the backs of her eyes. She choked them down, unwilling to cry; she hadn't given up anything worth crying over yet. That would come later.

"The magic killed her because she wouldn't use it to its full potential," Lucy said with a calm she didn't feel. "She hesitated. She said so herself."

"And so will you. You're not a killer," Loke reasoned, so sure that he knew what lay in his master's heart.

Lucy's fingernails dug into her palm. "Before this morning I would have agreed with you, but things have changed—I know this threat is real now."

"There's another way." She was scaring him; Loke was desperate to bring her back to herself. "Please, Lucy. Even if you can do it, you know what comes after. If you somehow kill him and survive, you won't be the same—Zeref's magic will alter you."

Yes. That was true. But… "He's devouring the world. There is no other way."

He tried another tactic. "Lucy, if you do this, your spirits may be lost to you." She had to see reason.

Lucy ground to a halt and wrapped her arms around her chest. Thinking he'd gotten through to her, Loke drew her close, enveloping her in a tight hug. "There is no shame. We can find another way to kill him. You won't suffer the same fate as your mother."

Lucy sniffled. Her eyes remained dry but her throat was tight and hot. She shook her head against his chest. "I'm sorry, Loke. You know Zeref's magic is the only one that will destroy him."

Loke's guts twisted. "Then let the demon king do it!"

"He won't." Whether because he was apathetic or incapable for some other reason, Lucy didn't know. "I love you all too much _not_ to do this—if I don't, there will be nothing left." Skin bouncing with agitation, the magic in her body pressing at her hotly, she wriggled an arm free and smoothed her hair from her face. It didn't help calm her. She felt wild and treacherous. She felt like a stranger. Who was Lucy Heartfilia? Not the girl she played at today. This girl was braver and far more dangerous than the old Lucy had ever been before. She wrapped the knowledge around herself like a comforting blanket, needing the courage it wrought for what came next.

Leaning back, Loke searched her pinched honey coloured eyes. In his arms, her skin jumped, alive and crawling with black tendrils. Whether or not she wanted to admit it, the magic was searing through her body, trying to gnaw its way out. It was too much for her. Zeref had said if she didn't use it that it would fade, but was that true? He wasn't so certain, especially when she was doing everything in her power to hold on to it, to not let any of it go. Keeping it like that would bring about her end just as quick, he was sure of it.

Loke drew in a haggard breath. "I don't want to lose you."

Lucy bit her lip and steeled herself against the plea in his voice. "I promise that if it's possible, I'll take care of him and I'll find some way to come back."

He opened his mouth to protest; Lucy ploughed on ahead. "You know it's the right thing to do. My mother _wanted_ this; she just wasn't brave enough to do it. I have to be, for her and for everyone at Fairy Tail, too. You know this." She grabbed his hands from around her waist and squeezed his fingers for emphasis.

He clutched her back like he could make her stay, make her see reason. Just because he knew something didn't mean he had to believe in it. "You can't expect me to let you go."

"I can and I do, Loke. If you care for me and believe in me, I can do it. Please." It was a cheap and dirty trick. But it worked.

Loke's expression pinched. "That's not fair."

She blinked at him dolefully. "Please, Loke."

When she looked at him like that and his guts twisted again, he knew she'd won. _How can you even think about letting this happen?_ What was there to say, though? She'd already made the deal against his guidance and she had already accepted his power; something's couldn't be undone.

Loke sighed and dropped her hands, though it made him feel sick to do so. "This is a bad idea." Saying it changed nothing. It didn't even make him feel better.

"All advances were born from bad ideas, right?" Lucy gave him a weak smile. It didn't reach her eyes.

"Wrong," he denied.

"Well... dangerous ones, at least. This will be good for the world."

"But not for you," Loke said immediately.

She laid her finger against his lips, thoroughly silencing him. "Don't argue, just believe in me."

Loke didn't need to think about his answer. Around her finger he said, "Of course I believe in you." There was a caveat coming, Lucy could feel it. "I just don't trust that black wizard or his magic."

"I suppose he's not a black wizard for nothing," she said, confirming Loke's fears.

"Lucy—"

She dropped her hand, the feel of his lips burning through her skin, and said, "There's enough good in my heart to keep me from being swallowed by the magic." She wished the words came out sounding more confident.

"But your mother—"

"My mother would have been fine if she was brave enough to end it, but she was afraid of the woman she would become if she wasn't totally pure of heart. She choked, Loke. It wasn't the magic that killed her, it was her fear. She didn't want to fall into darkness and hurt her family."

"Don't downplay it, it was a legitimate fear."

"Yes," Lucy confirmed. "That's why I'm perfect for the job. I don't have those kinds of ties. There's no daughter or husband waiting for me at home. If I do this and I can't pull myself back, there's no one depending on me."

"If you survive killing him and the magic doesn't tear you apart, you'll be a dark mage. You know that, right? You'll be just like him." Loke willed her to understand.

Lucy said hesitantly, "I won't be like him." A bland pretender, at best. "Someone will eventually save me from myself and the world will be fine. The demon is a much bigger threat then I could ever be if things don't go exactly as planned."

"Lucy, if people find out you're just like Zeref, they'll kill—"

Her fingers found his lips again. "Shh. It's okay." Her heart hammered in her chest. She needed to get out of there. Loke was whittling down her courage.

Eyes flashing behind his glasses, he grabbed her arm again. "You're not as sure as you think you are. You're scared. Please, Lucy—"

She brushed off his hand as coolly as possible, not wanting to hear the rest. "Goodbye Loke. Don't follow me. I don't need you for this." She turned on her heel.

Loke watched her retreat, her words like a knife cutting under his skin. Lucy had never before told him she didn't need him, but then again, she had never before been on the brink of something so altering. He couldn't let her leave, if he did, he knew he would lose her. "Lucy! Please!" He jogged to catch up.

Lucy twisted her arm behind her back and turned her palm towards her strongest spirit. With scarcely a thought, black tendrils leapt from her hand and dove for him. One pierced his shoulder, the other his leg. Loke bellowed in pain, the tendrils leaving behind the kind of coldness that chewed him up. The attack was so powerful that in seconds, the darkness ate away at his form and he was forced to dissipate back into the celestial world.

Silence ruled. Lucy sobbed and kept her eyes forward, trained on the horse and carriage. _Just get to the carriage. Get to the carriage and start moving and everything that comes after will be that much easier._ She hoped. Gods, she hoped so badly. _Please forgive me, Loke._ She hardened her resolve, remembering the way the ocean writhed with dying fish this morning, the way the sky burned with sickness. _It had to be done._

The whole world was in danger. The seal her mother had placed on the demon all those years ago was breaking apart. Selfishly, meanly, she wished Layla had been strong enough back then to kill it. If she didn't love her family quite so much, Lucy wouldn't be shouldering this burden.

 _What a selfish thing to think,_ she scolded herself. Perhaps the blackness inside was taking a firmer root in her heart than she had thought possible. _You have to work fast._ There were hours, not days, to make things right—hours to do what her mother could not. Replacing the seal wasn't an option. He would just break free again. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not fifty years from now, but he would eventually emerge once more and eat the world; he couldn't help it, he couldn't control it. It was just what he was meant to do.

 _You could tell your friends about this and you could do it together._ But no, she wasn't bluffing; Zeref's magic was the only way for certain.

Ahead, the horse tossed its head wildly, sensing the dark aura that seeped from Lucy's skin. She held onto the magic tightly, fearing it would bleed out and kill everything in the area. Then how would she get to Sorrow Canyon?

Hurrying, she climbed into the carriage. In her haste, her foot caught on the step and she nearly went tumbling over. She corrected herself. _Pay attention._

Dropping into the bench seat, she snagged the reins in her hands. The leather was hot like it'd been sitting out in the blistering sun for hours. Was it so warm? It must have been, because the horse sweated, though all she felt was the cold in her heart.

 _You have to move._

"Let's hurry." She snapped the reins and clucked, determined not to be swallowed by this power before she even got a chance to use it.

The horse shot forward, desperate to be away from the dried and dead forest and the deadening power it felt. No matter how far it ran, it couldn't get away from the girl at its back. Fear drove it faster and faster over the uneven terrain. As it raced towards fate, the world held its breath.


	3. Chapter 3

"Has there been any news, Master?" Mirajane whispered across the bar.

Though it was barely past ten in the morning, Makarov tipped his beer back and took a giant gulp. "None," he replied in an equally quiet voice when he swallowed.

From feet away, Natsu listened to their conversation intently, dragon slayer ears working hard to hear every word.

"It's not natural." Mira shivered. "The sky should never be that colour. It's like the stars are bleeding."

Makarov grunted noncommittally, unwilling to voice his own opinion. Everyone was stressed. They had woken up that day to a ruby red sky that never truly lightened. Soon after, reports started pouring in of fish floating up in the ocean and people suffocating in their homes, choking on isolated miasmas.

And it was hot. Natsu hadn't broken a sweat, but Gray griped, persisting that Hell had to be colder. To try to alleviate some discomfort, the ice mage made giant ice cube after ice cube, coupling his magic with Juvia's to keep the guild hall as cool as possible. It helped, for awhile, though the ice would always melt and they'd go through the whole process again. How much longer until they were exhausted and everyone faded into heat delirium?

Natsu dropped his head down on the table and sighed, wishing that either Happy or Lucy were there, but Happy was with Carla and Wendy searching for potential causes of the anomalies, and Lucy… who knew where she was? He'd stayed behind so that when she showed up, they could search on foot together. That was _hours_ ago, and she was still shockingly absent. It wasn't very Lucy-like. The worry was starting to make itself known.

Lisanna dropped into the seat beside him. Keeping his cheek pressed against the table, Natsu tilted his face to study the takeover mage.

"Hey," she said in greeting. Her voice was pitched low, as if speaking too loudly would break some kind of spell.

"Hey," he said back.

"What do you think of all this?" She motioned vaguely to the world around her.

Natsu raised a brow. "You mean do I think the world is ending?"

Lisanna flinched. "Not so loud."

"Saying something quietly doesn't make it any less of a thing," Natsu informed her.

Lisanna studied him curiously. "So you _do_ believe it?"

Natsu shrugged. "Maybe."

"Are you frightened?" She certainly was. Her voice warbled threateningly, as if she was on the brink of panicked tears.

"I'm not scared of anything," Natsu lied. In actuality, he had exactly three fears. One: that he would one day do something irrevocably reckless and place his friends in danger. Two: he would be forced to watch his friends die. And three: helplessness.

The last was the most choking of all. Helplessness meant weakness, and he had felt plenty enough of that when he was a kid searching for Igneel. No. Natsu was through feeling weak. If the world was ending, he'd meet it head on and tell it exactly what he thought of _that_. He might not be able to stop it, but at least he'd say his piece.

Meeting Lisanna's ocean blue eyes, he realized he'd done nothing to make her feel better. "It's fine," he said finally. "Probably just a weird weather system moving through."

She didn't look like she believed him, though she looked like she _wanted_ to. That would have to do, he supposed.

Finally lifting his head, Natsu looked around the guild, searching one more time for Lucy's golden locks. She was _still_ absent. "I'm going to Lucy's apartment. She's taking way too long. I'll see you later, Lisanna."

"Natsu, wait—" she called him back.

He turned and looked at her. "What's up?"

She flushed and stammered and finally choked out a garbled, "Just be careful."

It looked like maybe she had something else to say. Natsu waited for a beat. When she only turned and stared forlornly at her elder sister dampening her brow with a wet cloth, he decided that it wasn't important. The smile he shot her way felt forced. "Don't worry about me."

Lisanna waved.

* * *

On the streets, there was an unmistakable twang of fear in the air, potent and choking. No one wandered about, shopping or eating breakfast with their friends and family—they were all tucked into their houses, praying for their lives to any god that would listen.

Standing under Lucy's window, Natsu considered using her stairs, thinking about her always ragging on him for intruding this way. Then the wind shifted, bringing with it the sharp smell of Lucy's terror, making his guts twist unpleasantly. If she was in trouble, taking the stairs would take too long. Jumping, he scurried up her vine-laden lattice. The wood groaned under his weight, yet held, just as always.

When he was level with the small flat roof outside of Lucy's apartment, he saw her window was open. The yellow curtains hung limply in the humidity, stained ruby bright by the unnatural light filtering down from the sky. Everything was swathed in that colour: the building's bricks, the glass in the windows, the flowers on all the sills, every single one of which were wilted and twisted in the overwhelming heat.

Something banged inside the apartment. She was here, then.

Natsu felt a familiar happy pang twisted with relief. "Hey, Luce?" Climbing up the rest of the way, he pushed aside her curtain. "I know you like to sleep in and all, but it's almost eleven now. Haven't you seen what's going on outside? The world's going crazy, everyone thinks it's some kind of apocalypse and—" he trailed off and halted, one foot inside Lucy's window, the other still resting on the roof.

There was a man in her bedroom, which in itself was strange enough, though Natsu could overlook that given that it was Loke. Even with the spirit's back to him, he'd recognize his peculiar scent. No, what really gave him pause was the state of his best friend's room. It was a mess. Everything was torn apart. Pages littered the ground, clothes were thrown here and there, her drawers hung open, on her bed more pages were sorted through and thrown aside.

"What happened here?"

Loke startled, shoulders stiff, then turned and faced him. "Natsu."

Looking at the spirit, Natsu caught his breath. Loke's shoulder was torn apart, deep, black tendrils creeping over the exposed skin. His leg was also ripped open so deep that through the wet blood, bone peeped through. Every time he breathed, he winced, and every time he winced, his form wavered, as if he was being tugged out of the world, yet he was struggling to stay just where he was. He was a mess.

"What the hell happened to you, man?"

Loke scowled. In his hand was a piece of yellowed parchment paper. Frustrated, he clutched it tightly and rolled it into a ball, deciding that he wasn't going to find anything in Layla's old notebook to help his master.

"Where's Lucy?" Natsu asked when it became obvious Loke wasn't going to answer. "Is she okay?"

Loke didn't respond immediately, trying to find a good way to say what needed to be said.

Natsu was impatient, heart beating faster with every passing moment. When the spirit's silence stretched into what the dragon slayer deemed unbearable, he asked again, "Loke, _where is she_?"

"She's not here," Loke said finally. His voice was gravelly and strained.

"I know that much," Natsu snapped back impatiently. "I asked you where she is, not where she's not."

Loke's form warbled again. "I tried to stop her but couldn't. Maybe she'll listen to you."

Natsu's blood ran cold, his question forgotten with this new bit of dire conversation. "Stop her from _what_?"

"She's gone to Sorrow Canyon to kill the Shadow Father." Loke said the words with such a sense of hollow detachment that at first they rolled off Natsu. Then something niggled at the back of his mind. A memory. In fairy tales, Shadow Father was the father of all demons. The demon that would eat the world, the demon that would end all life. He was horrible. He was also a legend.

Natsu collected himself and came the rest of the way into the room. "Are you fucking with me?" Even as he said it, he knew Loke wasn't kidding around. There was a heady scent of desolation on his skin, the kind that came with helplessness. Realizing that, Natsu was forced to accept the unlikely truth that Shadow Father actually existed and Lucy had gone off on her own to destroy him. "She's not strong enough to do that by herself, no one is."

"You're wrong. She made a deal," Loke said in a voice pitched low.

Natsu breathed deeply. There wasn't enough oxygen in the room. "A deal? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I told her not to." Loke was all disjointed, panicked and falling away from the world.

Natsu grabbed Loke by the collar, fear making him brash, and shook the man roughly. " _What does that_ mean?"

Loke hazed around the edges. "Help her. I—I can't. There's nothing I can do for her like this." His chest was entirely a hole of twisting blackness.

"Who did this to you?" Natsu asked, switching tactics.

Loke opened his mouth to explain but then his body broke apart as he was forced back into the celestial world, taking Natsu's answers with him. He did learn one thing, though: Lucy was going to Sorrow Canyon by herself.

 _She won't be by herself for long,_ he thought with vicious conviction. _I'll find her before she gets into too much trouble._

* * *

The deed would be done and over by the time Natsu arrived. Already, Lucy stood at the plunging edge of Sorrow Canyon, thusly named for the many hopeless that were drawn to this place. So many lives belonged to that seemingly bottomless pit, so many tears and so many dreams all swallowed by the rough-hewn stone. And at the very bottom lay the Shadow Father, the creature that had, though however inadvertently, killed her mother.

Lucy didn't need to think, only command. Shadows born at her feet twisted around her ankles. Steps away, the horse screamed wildly, rearing and fighting to get away. It couldn't, tethered as it was to a large, twisted white pine. It's fear becoming too much, it snorted, nose dripping blood, and collapsed, dead with fright. Seeing that, a small part of Lucy's heart panged with sadness. Was this what she was to become? A demon queen capable of killing without intent? _You can be better than that,_ she told herself, _the darkness won't consume you._

Turning her back to the pit, she took a breath and fell backwards, face tilted to the sky, and watched the centuries old rock whirl past. Days ago she hadn't been afraid of heights, but she'd been afraid of falling. Now, she knew the darkness would never drop her. It was his and he would keep her safe. It was irrational. He had killed so many, but she wanted to believe in him. She closed her honey-coloured eyes, lost in a memory of cool lips and skin. Her heart beat twice painfully, and then eased into a slow, calm rhythm. It suddenly wasn't so strange to think of him like that. She now belonged to him in a way that only his demons did.

Spilling down into the deep dark, the shadows around her body spread and deposited her carefully upon the uneven ground. It was so chilly down there that she likely would have shivered, if her skin wasn't colder than the air.

In the absolute quiet, it was easy to find Shadow Father, all she had to do was follow his uneven heartbeat, the sound like a poison path leading her into his alcove, his prison. All around her, the walls seeped water that trickled to the ground, staining the rocks iron red. Down here so deep, the world smelled like old blood. With every step, Lucy's feet kicked soggy bones. They knocked across the ground, rattling like old, cancer-riddled laughter that slipped from the lipless mouths of humans and beasts. The deepest shadows in the sharpest corners seemed to whisper and pray. ' _Shadow Father's executioner,'_ they said, _'Come to take him away. She's come to snuff out his life.'_ Perhaps it was her imagination.

Approaching his cell, the ground became littered with the desiccated carcasses of men and women that had ended their lives at Sorrow Canyon. Now they formed a macabre trail that led to the seal upon a large boulder that rested in front of a cave. It must have been dragged over the opening by Taurus or another one of Layla's spirits that had kept this secret for oh so long. Betrayal sang through Lucy's heart. She closed her eyes. _You need to keep yourself focused. Don't think about that stuff right now. You know what will happen if you do._ She'd lose herself and completely belong to him; the fate her mother had feared so much she had been totally unable to complete the task at hand. _I won't fail._

As Lucy stepped closer, the boulder cracked, the sound like thunder in the narrow space. A cold draft escaped, smelling putrid, like bile and waste. She closed her eyes and pushed those thoughts back, clearing her mind so it was as a blank canvas. Barely a thought had darkness leaping to her command. Shadow Father may have been the father of all demons, but Zeref was the demon king, all of the wretched paid him their dues, they had no choice; his magic commanded their very essence, and for now, and maybe forever, he had deigned to share that magic with her. It _did_ occur to Lucy that once this was through, he'd kill her before she could kill him, she wasn't stupid. _It has to be worth the risk_.

The dark tendrils playing at her fingertips were eager to do her bidding. She let them loose to wreak their havoc. Like a tsunami, they crashed against the boulder, exploding it apart as if it were made of talc and not granite. Bits of rock fell down upon her shoulders and dusted her hair, each piece no bigger than a small pebble. Unfalteringly, she stood at the entrance and waited for the demon father to emerge. His heart thumped loudly against the stone walls and his feet scraped over granite as he dragged himself into the dim, dim light that hadn't touched his skin in almost fifteen years.

Huge black scaly feet came into view first, bigger than any man's ever could be. Then his darkly scaled legs, upon which he wore torn cloth. Gouged into his hardened flesh were deep score marks where he'd obviously maimed himself.

Lucy waited to see his face. He stopped just short when the weak light of day hit his chest. His hands were visible enough, gnarled and twisted things with nails so long they were as daggers.

"Layla Heartfilia." His voice was harsh and guttural, slurred between two pairs of fangs; Lucy knew this because, despite his reprieve in the shadows, her mother had drawn a picture of Shadow Father before she had died, scribbled in her notebook beside the words, ' _He is Father Fear.'_

The demon spoke again. "These are the days that went by without your heart in my hands." He motioned to the deep scars in his legs. "And here, too." He lifted his tattered shirt, revealing a pitch black chest with deep white scars marring its otherwise uninterrupted surface.

Lucy felt nothing as human as terror when she looked upon him. Instead, she felt the black wizard's magic in her veins, reaching for the demon, commanding him to comply with her whims, and she accepted that, believing with all her heart that he should obey her because she wielded the magic that demanded fealty.

"I'm not Layla."

"Yet, you wear her face." Then he sniffed the air. "Mm… No. Not Layla. A daughter, perhaps? Could this be the daughter she abandoned her cause for?"

Lucy swallowed the unexpected anger that rose with his words, unable to decide if she was furious with her mother for being scared of losing herself, or with the demon for even speaking her name.

"You're just as weak—I can smell it in your pores. You won't do what needs to be done, either." He inched closer to the door. The shadows surrounding Lucy jumped in anticipation and adrenaline shot through her heart. "I suppose I should thank you for completely obliterating my seal," Shadow Father continued. "Another week or two and I would have been totally free, but you've saved me some trouble."

"Where did you come from?" Lucy asked, ignoring his words. She had questions her mother didn't have the answer to.

Shadow Father considered her, then seemed to decide that revealing his origins didn't bring him any harm. "I am humanities first demon, born from greed and fear. Both keep me alive and well. As I explained to Layla, it was useless to lock me up. Even down here, as long as man remains frightened and selfish, I will always have fuel to keep on living."

His words were sound, if not a little deluded. While he might have the dark necessities to keep on breathing, Lucy would put an end to his ability to do so. Soon, he'd be nothing but shadow. Soon, he'd be nothing but tales. "Why do you want to destroy the world?"

"I want to _eat_ the world," he corrected with a flash of his luminous teeth. They were pointed and neatly lined in tight rows. _Made for tearing flesh and fears_. The thought came unbidden into her mind.

"There will be nothing left." It stood to reason that he wouldn't want to eat _everything_. It would mean the end of him, too.

He shrugged. "I am as I was born to be. When humanity has screamed and stolen its last breath, we will all fade into shadow. You may beg, many have done so in the past, but I am without remorse."

That anger was back. "No one will be begging anything from you," Lucy told him. "Not ever again."

The sound of his teeth grinding together in a smile called chills to rove down Lucy's spine. "You're going to stop me? You have his magic, I feel that, but you're a pretender, daughter of Layla, you are weak, you are pathetic, you are a waste—"

Lucy struck out in rage, black tendrils finding home in his belly. He choked and sputtered, spitting up black ichor as dark as his skin. It dripped over his inhuman lips and pattered against the floor.

"I am _not_ my mother," Lucy said in a dangerous voice. "It wasn't until she lay on her death bed that she knew her mistake, and I think she regretted it. In her letters, she left this task for me, and believe me when I say, I _will_ do what she couldn't."

Shadow Father looked at her with wide, glinting eyes still cloaked in darkness. He was finally afraid, for he recognized the iron resolve necessary to bring his end. Lucy ignored the panicked look in his eye. He gave no quarter when he was eating thousands of souls; his death should pass by in silence. No one in the world would mourn such a wretched waste.

 _This is it_ , she told herself. For better or worse, good or bad, life or death, this was the moment her mother hadn't been able to live through. Lucy drew herself up to her full height, which, under normal circumstances, wouldn't have been all that impressive, but with writhing shadows pushing at her back and caressing her skin like a lover might, she was fearsome indeed. Her eyes, once rich and brown and kind, had turned onyx and hard, her skin, once so pale it was luminous, tainted ever so slightly dark; her heart toughened, her mind closed down, all thoughts pushed aside except one: kill Shadow Father, the devourer of the world.

Shadow Father opened his mouth, whether to protest, scream, or say some command that would likely have cleaved her in two, but Lucy let loose the dam that was holding back the dark wizard's power. It flooded out of her skin in a torrent of choking magic. Any tiny, stunted plants that dared grow in the deepest recesses of Sorrow Canyon withered and died, small mammals fell over, glassy eyed and still, and Shadow Father, once the father of demons, was driven to his knees. He gasped and clawed at the ground, and then at his throat while blackness plunged into his body through his gaping mouth. Lucy was finally able to see his face. It was the face from which all her fears were born. She remembered finding it as a child, stenciled in that well-used notebook. Her mother had even captured his eyes, those blank white pits surrounded by craggy stone-like skin. And those gnashing teeth, that sickly yellow tongue as it lolled absurdly from between swollen and split lips.

Father of all demons, father of fear, Shadow Father. He was a joke, laughable now under the crushing weight of her borrowed power. Lucy closed the distance between them calmly. "You are not fear," she told him. "You are nothing but smoke and ash."

He turned his lined face skyward and met her eyes. There was real hate there, the kind Lucy had never known before. He opened his mouth again. With a thought, she severed his head from his body, using the shadows so eager to obey her commands. It rolled grotesquely across the floor and began to dissipate, turning into inky blackness that raced for the reprieve only shadowy rock crevasses could offer. Shadow Father indeed. His body quickly followed suit.

Even after he fell away, rage still coiled in Lucy's veins. Was that all? The eater of the world, the fabled Shadow Father, was gone? It was dissatisfying, frustrating. _This_ was what her mother had died for? _This_ demon? He was barely a challenge. Layla could have done it, if she had been brave enough, she could have done it and she would have been there when Lucy was growing up. But she hadn't, and the world had moved on from then.

Lucy turned her back on the fading demon. _I did it, mom,_ she thought. _I did what you couldn't. Everyone is safe._ And the price? She could feel there was now a shadow inside of her, one that leaned its head over her heart and blocked out the girl she once knew.

She couldn't find it within herself to care.

* * *

He was waiting for her atop the canyon. Lucy's heart skipped a beat. She remembered the way he pressed his palms into her cheeks, the way he kissed her and shared his magic, his most intimate self. His dark hair blew in the breeze and obscured his onyx eyes. Lucy didn't need to see them to know the sorrow that lived there, for it had found a place inside of her, too. She realized with a start that when she accepted his power, she had accepted being a part of him, as well. Now she understood why Loke had been so scared.

"You could make a most interesting demon," Zeref told her in a gentle voice.

"I'm not already?" Lucy asked. Looking at him, she tried to strum up the horror she thought she should feel. It was there but buried and muted, nearly impossible to feel. That was okay, she didn't _want_ to be horrified by him. _You should be frightened. He's dangerous._ She ignored that small voice that told her to run, that told her he was treacherous and disloyal, that screamed that he was going to see her as a threat now and end her forever. She searched his eyes for any of those things and came up blank. He only looked melancholy and torn.

"Mm…. Not quite." He had drawn close to her. "Your heart's nature and your resolution will decide what becomes of you, Lucy Heartfilia."

Lucy leaned into him, a moth to the flame, totally unable to stop herself. Was it the magic or the man she longed to be near? "Can you make me a demon?" _Is that my voice?_ It sounded strange, husky and dark.

Zeref's mouth flattened. "No."

He lied. She could smell it. "You're not being truthful."

Zeref's responding smile was small, depreciative. "Even if I could, I made a promise to Layla that should this day come, I would walk away and not influence any of your choices. She understood the power of my magic."

Shadows danced around Lucy's body. "If you promised her that, then why are you here?"

He folded his arms over his chest and stared at her curiously. "Why indeed? I suppose I wanted to know if you succeeded."

"I told you I would." She was proud of that, of her resolve. She hadn't even flinched when she took Shadow Father's life. He deserved to die.

"So you did. You intrigue me, Lucy; you're nothing like I expected you to be."

She didn't know whether to be pleased or annoyed with his words. Magic throbbed inside of her and she landed on pleased. The small piece of the old Lucy remaining was horrified with herself. What was she doing, frilling with pride when Zeref praised her for _slaughter_? It hadn't even been a fair fight; she had decimated the creature.

"It's almost tragic, seeing you so tainted. Is nothing sacred?" Using a cool finger, he touched the place just beneath her eye and gently rubbed the skin there. Lucy's heart crashed wildly in her chest, the magic surrounding her belying her calm exterior. Zeref gave her a small, sad smile that she committed to memory. Drawing close enough that he was inches from her lips, he whispered, "It's not real, you know?"

Her breath stalled. "What isn't?"

"This." He kissed her, a light brush of his mouth against hers. Lucy's skin both crawled and burst with goose bumps, her mind both screamed and cheered, her heart both withered in terror and pounded in elation. And then he was gone, suddenly steps away and fading from view.

"Try to remember it's the magic making you want to pay me fealty, not any real loyalty born out of anything so noble as trust or friendship. It's a lie. All of my demons feel this way. I created them to be like this so they may never betray me. I've never seen it in a human before—your mother died before it could take root, and that very well might be your fate, too—but perhaps you'll live to outgrow it."

His words cut her. _Outgrow_ it. Could his magic make her feel indebted to him? She knew the answer to that was 'yes'. _All you are is a mindless Zeref slave._ The thought made her shake with uncontrolled rage. "Stay away from me." Those words were like glass cutting over her skin but she made herself say them. "I won't be yours to command."

He inclined his head in acknowledgement and faded from view. His absence was like a throbbing pain; like a hole in her heart. _You heard him. It's not real_. But her lips still sang, her skin still burned. It _felt_ real.

She took a step away from the canyon. The world spun hectically. Lucy saw double, then triple. And then she saw nothing at all.

* * *

 **I do so love how parts of this turned out.** **Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Devil Dogger is a large species of fierce Canines that humans have bred for transportation purposes due to their ability to run quickly for long distances, much like the horse. They're intelligent but stubborn and have been known to occasionally attack their riders. Humans put up with this behaviour because, much like a hound, the Doggers can be trained to follow smells. Their primary use is criminal apprehension, though some nobles have been known to breed and ride the beasts.**

 **^^^ so nerdy, I know; also, totally not belonging to the FT universe. Sorry!**

* * *

He didn't expect to think about her after she was gone from his sight. Nor did he expect the way his fingertips burned and his tongue seared and the way his mind kept conjuring the scene again. At first he thought she haunted him because she had been so innocent and pure, especially for a human, but then she had taken his mark and worn it so effortlessly and he knew that it was something else entirely. He couldn't stop thinking about her not for what she was, but for what she was _willing to become_. He too had made a similar sacrifice for the brother he loved. When he looked into Lucy Heartfilia's now onyx eyes, he saw a kindred spirit. It was because of that he longed to see her again.

The longing was that of the painful kind.

The need to see her was such a strong sensation that he denied himself that pleasure. Besides, didn't she at least deserve a chance to try to pull away from the darkness? With him by her side, she certainly wouldn't; already she wanted to be his. A lamb to the slaughter. The best part of it all was that if he let her, she'd revel in it right up until the moment she breathed her last. She would walk away from everything she had ever known or fought so hard to protect so she could sit beside a dark king, if only he asked.

He tasted her on his lips again and nearly gave in to his desire. What should he care if he took her from her life? He was Zeref, the black wizard. People whispered his name beside the words _terror_ and _suffering_. When it was done, no one, except perhaps Natsu, would be foolish enough to come after her. _And if he succeeded?_ But by then, she wouldn't want to go back to the way things were, nor would she be able to.

Desperate to outpace those alluring thoughts, he hurried his steps. _I made a promise, and that should mean something._ There was still honour available to him, wasn't there? His existence hadn't become quite as wretched as that. Yet, it was difficult to escape the part of himself that yearned to break such bright and beautiful things. It was his curse.

* * *

Tearing into the canyon, Natsu found her limp form immediately. Face down on the too-warm and too-hard ground, her skirt was twisted around her legs and her shirt was bunched to expose a small expanse of her lower back. The visible skin looked ashen, as if she didn't have enough oxygen. She looked dead. Her horse certainly was—no living beast ever lay so still, and the air was thick with its blood. Terror lanced through the dragon slayer.

Before the Devil Dogger he'd wrangled from a breeder came to a full stop, he abandoned its back, choosing his feet to carry him to her side instead. In his carelessness, the dog-like creature snapped its fanged maw at his elbow, grazing the skin there. It didn't draw blood—that might have been a bad thing, for Doggers were known to fall into blood frenzies at the slightest provocation, though it hurt like a sonofabitch. Ignoring that and the danger he'd narrowly avoided, he scrambled to Lucy's side.

Though he did his best to keep himself calm while he turned her over, he was less gentle than he could have been, too nervous by half for niceties. Rolled onto her back, she was completely lifeless, blonde locks, so dusted with grit and grime, falling over her closed eyes. Hands shaking, Natsu pushed back her hair so he could see her face. Her lips were blue and the faint veins around the corners of her eyes were dark.

"Lucy?" Her name came out of his mouth like a squeak. She didn't respond so he shook her. With that motion, her lips parted and Natsu was hit with a smell: Zeref. Barely thinking, he clenched his hands into fists so tight that his bones creaked. Flames leapt to his palms, hot and familiar. Lifting his gaze from Lucy's prone body, he searched the area for the intruder.

There was no one there.

A sharp intake of breath had him turning back to Lucy. Before his eyes, the colour returned to her skin, the darkness around her eyes fading. Something strong pulsed through the air. Dark, coiling magic. It was gone before he could rightly place its source. Then Lucy opened her tawny-coloured eyes and he forgot to care. The fire coating his hands faded; his fingers itched in its absence.

"Natsu?" Her voice was weak, uncertain.

Natsu had a strong and sudden urge to hug her. He refrained. She obviously hadn't been dead, so he shouldn't be such a baby, right? "Lucy! Are you okay?"

"Yeah... I… I guess. What are you doing here?" She rubbed her forehead, confused.

The urge to throttle her was less easy to ignore. "What were you thinking, coming out here on your own?"

She lifted her eyes to his, her expression suddenly intense. "Did it work?"

Something dark skirted behind her eyes quickly; Natsu dismissed it as a trick of the light. "Did what work?"

She didn't bother explaining, she only had to look to the sky to see that it was gradually losing its violent hue. Shadow Father was dead, the world was going back to the way it had been, and for now she was Lucy Heartfilia, though she felt her other self waiting patiently inside. She knew that if she wanted, she could call her out. It would be an easy thing and it would feel good.

"Lucy?"

What would Natsu think of the new Lucy Heartfilia? Opening her mouth, she had every intention of telling him about Shadow Father. Then she snapped it closed again. Would Natsu, loyal and unwavering Natsu, see the gray between the black and white? Would he understand why she had to do what she did? No, she didn't think so. He wouldn't understand why she had to go to Zeref, and he wouldn't understand why the black wizard had agreed to help her; she didn't fully understand herself, that was something birthed between her mother and Zeref many years before.

"Lucy," Natsu pushed again. "What happened? I saw Loke in your apartment—someone attacked him. He was hurt pretty bad. Bad enough he had to go back into the spirit world."

Lucy considered Natsu's words. Imagine that Loke had returned to Earthland so soon? He was definitely her most powerful spirit; she'd underestimated him.

Natsu kept on talking. "Before he left, he told me you made some kind of deal and were coming here to kill Shadow Father." The words tumbled out. He was nervous.

"Yes."

Natsu's heart beat faster. "Where is he?"

"He's dead."

Natsu felt the blood leaving his face. "Who killed him?"

For a moment, Lucy was insulted. Was it so unbelievable that she could do it? It was hard to swallow, but she choked back that pride; pride wrought darkness and she needed to be wary if she were to keep her secret; the magic in her body was hungry for any scrap of gloom she'd throw it.

When Natsu glared at her impatiently, she reminded herself that she needed to answer his question. "Z-Zeref." That wasn't a complete lie. All the best ones were told with hints of truth; the more truthful, the better the lie. Zeref had given her the means to kill the beast, even if he hadn't performed the task himself.

Natsu's fists were flaming again, Loke forgotten, at least for the time being. "I thought I smelled him here. Where is the bastard now?"

Lucy thanked her good fortune Natsu was so scatter brained sometimes. "He's gone. He left when the demon died." Or shortly thereafter. Semantics.

He eyed her suspiciously. "He just left?"

She nodded.

Natsu scowled. "You're lying to me." He could smell her discomfort.

Lucy's neck heated. Was she caught?

"If he just left, then why did I find you passed out on the ground?" His eyes got fierce. "Did he attack you?"

 _That's what he thinks I'm lying about_? She almost laughed. ...Maybe he wasn't as keen as she thought he was. She lied again, more adept than she ever thought possible. "When—when Shadow Father died there was a—a miasma or something." That was believable, wasn't it? "It knocked me out." She waited for Natsu to disprove her words.

Natsu considered her carefully. Of course, there was no reason not to trust her, Lucy had never lied to him before, but there was an uneasiness about her that was slowly leeching into him, too.

"Come on, I just want to get out of here," Lucy said to distract him. "This place gives me the creeps." That was something her old self would say, right? In truth, this place made her feel strong, full as it was with so many dark secrets. There were shadows here that wanted to wrap around her tight as a lover. She pulled that feeling in close to her heart and held it there, wanting to remember the way the power felt when she let it loose. It was absolute, that magic. Nothing could stand in her way when she wielded it. To use it again… she'd do almost anything. It throbbed under her skin like a heartbeat. All she had to do was let go.

 _No. You'll hurt Natsu if you do, and he's your best friend. You can't._ She wrestled the power back into place.

Again, Natsu studied her closely. She looked different, almost vibrant, but not. He couldn't place it. Unwittingly drawn in by an unknown force, he leaned into her and closed his eyes. Her scent had changed, became dark and rich, utterly different, though not unpleasant.

"Natsu?"

"Mmhm?"

"What do you think you're doing?"

Opening his eyes, he saw that he was just inches from her jawline, snuffing her like some kind of animal. He startled back, skin crawling. When he wasn't so near, that clandestine richness seemed to seep from her body and Lucy was Lucy once more. Or maybe it had never been there at all.

Lucy, feeling anxious, rose unsteadily to her feet. "I thought we were going home, not sniffing me." Did he smell Zeref on her skin? Who knew, with that nose?

He at least had the decency to flush with shame. "Sorry."

"Alright, that's fine—you're weird, I get it," she said with forced lightness. "But really, this place freaks me out." It was too easy to want to call up that blackness here. If she wanted to go back to the way things were, or at least _try_ to, she had to resist the urge to use Zeref's magic or to think about him in any way. The best way to do that was to gain some distance.

"Alright." Natsu's neck still felt hot. He turned his gaze towards the horse and that brought him back to reality. "We'll send someone back for that."

Lucy looked over to where the beast had died of fright. She didn't feel the pang of sadness she expected, just a hint of numbness.

"What happened to it?" Natsu asked, then wondered if maybe he shouldn't have. Maybe she didn't want to talk about it.

Lucy shrugged serenely. "I don't remember."

* * *

Distance didn't make it easier. Her very blood itched, and the longer she was away from Zeref, the worse it became.

Two full days passed, both of which she'd spent locked inside her apartment. On the first, Natsu tried to come over, thinking maybe she'd want some company. She'd yelled louder than ever and sent him on his way. After that, the dragon slayer and cat duo left her to her own devices, thinking maybe she just needed some time. Then the third day came and went, and Natsu had enough.

Shamelessly, he climbed up her wall and slid into her window. It was as dark inside as it was out. On her coffee table, only a single candle burned, its flame dancing and throwing the apartment's interior into flickering shadow.

Natsu waited and waited for the yelling to begin. When he heard nothing, he let some of the tension drop out of his shoulders and searched for her.

By the pale candlelight, he noted her bedroom was tidier than it had been the last time he was there, though it was still a mess by Lucy standards. Clothes were thrown over the backs of chairs, and papers were still everywhere, only now they were in scattered piles, not haphazard clumps.

Eyes coming to rest on an armchair in the center of the room, he found Lucy. Wearing an expression that was both prickly and bored—something it seemed only she could master—she was sprawled over the over-stuffed fabric, arms and legs spread widely. On her body she wore only a matching bra and underwear set. It was light blue.

Seeing her like that, Natsu's mouth dried up. _Don't be a flake._ Raising his brows, he tried for unaffected lightness. "Too good for clothes now?" He expected her to be bashful. When she didn't flush and stammer, just met his eyes evenly, like she _wanted_ him to see her like this, he became suddenly uncomfortable and kept his gaze trained firmly on her face.

Lucy finally spoke. "Everything is too..." She motioned vaguely to her body and didn't bother finishing. Everything felt too tight on her hot skin. She didn't have enough space to _breathe_.

"Alright." Natsu let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, glad that she was at least talking. Trying for some more normalcy, he asked, "Aren't you going to yell at me for breaking into your room?"

Lucy looked at him in exasperation. "If you already know you've done something wrong, why do you need me to say it?"

He flinched. She was always tetchy when he invaded her privacy, but there were _rules_ to their relationship. He was supposed to sneak in, she was supposed to yell at him, then he and Happy were supposed to laugh it off; Lucy would cool down and forgive them. Then they'd do it all again. But now Lucy was just sitting stone-faced and serious, her replies gouging him to the bone.

Seeing his discomfort, Lucy made her expression soften. "Sorry, Natsu, I've just been..."

When she didn't finish, Natsu asked gently, "What's wrong with you, Lucy? You haven't been acting like yourself since—"

She cut him off, unable to talk about it without thinking about _him_ and that would only make her borrowed magic all that more irritable. "I'm fine. I just needed some time to rest. Loke's been healing, you know, and it's used a lot of my magic energy, and I'm tired—"

"Alright," he cut in. "You're right. I'm sorry."

She felt the tiniest pang of guilt but not enough to take back her words. "Thanks for checking up on me. I was just about to go to bed."

"Oh." He didn't know what to think; Lucy was throwing him totally off kilter. "I guess I'll just..."

Her eyes gleamed darkly in the candlelight, twin onyx stones. There was an expression on her face Natsu didn't understand, however, it made his chest tighten with nerves. "What is it?" He was afraid of her answer.

"You can stay, if you want." The words came out on their own accord; though once they were put forward, she had to admit that it would be good to gain some distraction from Zeref; Natsu could provide that, definitely. She knew for certain because, until very recently, Natsu had occupied every single one of her thoughts. If she gave him a chance, he could once again.

 _You shouldn't. it's not fair._ Not fair to Natsu, not fair to herself.

She waited for him to decline. He'd say no, the moment would pass, and everything would go back to as it was.

"Okay," he said instead.

Lucy's heart sank. She wasn't strong enough to turn him away.


	5. Chapter 5

Feeling like a different girl entirely, Lucy first blew out the candle and then stood. "Where's Happy?" _Please say he's coming_. _Please save me from myself._

Her voice was like burning coals on Natsu's skin, hot but not unpleasant. Her eyes cut right through him. To keep from squirming, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and attempted to look casual. "He's hanging out with Wendy and Carla." His words didn't come out quite as smoothly as he wanted. _What's wrong with you?_ Lucy. Lucy was wrong with him. She hadn't done much, only looked at him with eyes that were darker than he remembered. Only stood before him, mostly bare. No, not much, yet it was more than enough to send him reeling. He could smell her skin. Vanilla. Something heady. _Did she always smell so good_?

"Oh." Lucy waited to feel disappointed. She didn't. Aware of his eyes upon her, she stepped closer.

Feeling nervous, Natsu watched her move as fluid as a ghost. Her skin was dusky white, bright in the darkness, yet not as bright as it should be. He took a step back when she got too close and knocked his elbow against her dresser. A tall cylinder of hairspray was set to rocking. He caught it before it could fall to the ground and set it up again. Breaking the silence, he asked the most logical question he could think of. "You… um…" His brow was sweaty. "You want some pajamas?" He stepped away from her drawers. "I can get out while you change—"

"No." Her mouth curled into a small smile, as if she knew she was making him uncomfortable and liked it.

 _No?_

She took another step towards him and Natsu took another step back; his shoulders hit against the wall. There was nowhere else to go. She came within inches of him, so close he could feel the coolness leaking from her skin.

"What are you doing?" His throat felt raw.

Lucy tipped her face back and looked at him expectantly. "I need you to help me."

 _Help her?_ "With what?" He imagined plenty of things she'd say next, all of which were just ridiculous. Maybe he was dreaming.

Lucy answered by pressing her palm against his chest and feeling his heartbeat. It was too fast. Too hard. _You shouldn't._ She was anyway. Rising on tiptoe, she wrapped her arms around his neck. His skin was blisteringly hot against hers. Almost painfully so. It was a good feeling. She wriggled, getting close enough that her chest was flat against his.

Inside of her hold, Natsu's breath turned ragged. He could feel every part of her. "What the fuck are you doing, Lucy?" The words came out harsh sounding.

"You don't like it?"

 _Don't you?_ "I…" Natsu swallowed, throat bobbing, fingers itching to play over her sides. That dark, rich smell was drifting off her skin in full force. The scent was tantalizing, maddening, and utterly crippling. It drew him in like dry soil draws down the rain, and trapped him.

"It's okay to touch me."

Her words scalded him. _She wants you to touch her._

Without realizing it, he leaned into her, nose finding the crook of her neck, and breathed deeply. So close, it would take hardly any effort at all to flick out his tongue and run it over her skin. The thought itself was surprising, but what really got under his skin was how much he _wanted_ to. What would that dark scent taste like on her body?

Lucy let out a sighing breath and shivered while his breath broke over her bare shoulder. She thought she'd have to try harder, but Natsu was pliable; he wanted this, and her. Maybe for a long time. _This is good. This way, you won't have to think about Zeref, about the way he tastes and feels…_

Unlocking one arm from around his throat, she found her way to the hem of his T-shirt and slipped up under the fabric. Her fingers on his skin made him hiss and jump, yet he _still_ didn't pull away. Encouraged, Lucy tipped her head to the left, exposing her neck in invitation. His lips grazed her skin. It wasn't a kiss, but it was close enough that she purred.

At the sound, Natsu growled lowly, possessively. _What are you doing?_ Lucy wasn't his, not like this. The thought was cold water to the lava in his veins. Moving erratically, he pulled back and almost cracked his head against the wall. "Lucy—"

Flicking her eyes up to meet his gaze, she said, "Kiss me, Natsu." Her voice was husky and dark, hardly recognizable.

The bottom fell out of his stomach. "What?"

 _Please._ Another kiss on her lips would drown out Zeref's. She found his hair and weaved her fingers through it. It was softer than she expected.

Natsu's lungs were tight. _Kiss me._ His lips felt dry so he licked them. _Kiss Lucy._ For sure he thought he was going to say no. And yet, his body was a traitor, his hands finding the cool skin at her waist. Though he didn't tug her in like he wanted, he wasn't yet brave enough for that, he _did_ hold her steady. Heart crashing, he bent and went searching for her mouth. Lucy met him halfway, rising on tiptoe.

Her mouth was smooth and cool. The kiss was soft. It didn't stay that way. In seconds, Lucy crushed her mouth to his, like he was air after she'd been suffocating for too long, and kissed him hard enough that his lips mashed against his teeth. There was a moan on her tongue when she went searching for his. Her skin got colder still.

Feeling like he was being flayed alive, Natsu pulled away from her. She tried to yank him back again but he couldn't, the sensation was too intense. That avenue failing, she went for his clothes instead. Panting, mind whirling, Natsu pushed her hands away. "Lucy—"

" _Please_ , Natsu." The way she said his name would haunt his dreams forever. Now, every other time it was spoken by any other girl, it was going to sound completely inadequate. Part of him hated her for that.

She went for his shirt again, sliding under it so she touched his stomach.

 _Fuck._ Her hands were ice. They felt good and they felt terrible. His skin hurt. _Fuck._ She found his belt.

 _Nope. Nope. Nope._ With great effort, he pushed her back. She stumbled and almost fell, the expression on her face shocked, maybe even scared. Natsu nearly reached out to catch her, but he was afraid of what would happen if he touched her skin.

He turned away from her and started to pace, thrusting his fingers through his hair, frustrated. _Fuck._ "Lucy—"

She'd recovered. "What's wrong?"

He didn't want to look back at her; there was a sultry lilt to her voice that made him harder than a rock. Painfully so. _Fuck._

"Look at me, Natsu."

 _I don't want to._

Again, his body was traitorous. Turning, he found her in the moonlight leaking in through her window. Her hair was a puffy wave over her shoulder; her lips looked blacker than soot in the dim light. Her skin was dark and welcoming. There was nothing covering her breasts any longer, and she was working on her underwear. _Fuck._

"What are you _doing_?"

 _Escaping._ "Are you nervous?"

"No," he lied. "I just..." he trailed off. There were _rules_ to their relationship and Lucy was working on changing _every single one_.

 _Fuck._

"What?" The panties fell away. Stepping out of them, she came to him. He'd stopped pacing like a caged bear in favor of staring at her. The look in his eye had changed: melded eagerness and anxiety. He wanted this. He was afraid to want this. She knew how he felt. _You should stop._

She touched him instead, fingers drawing circles over his fluttering heart through the fabric of his shirt. There was magic at her fingertips, magic that didn't belong to her. Magic that wanted to leak out and buffet him. Magic that would _hurt_ if she let it.

 _Don't._

Holding it in was hard; it felt good and it felt bad. It felt like Zeref was with her. It felt like she needed him too much.

"Lucy…" _Lucy. Lucy. Lucy_. Natsu's palms were slick and his skin was too warm. It wasn't a comfortable feeling; he never got hot; not ever, but with Lucy standing there naked with her hand against his heart and that crooked smile on her lips, he was practically sweating through his shirt.

"What is it, Natsu?" The way she said his name carried some strange power.

 _Say something._ He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I—Lucy..." _Fuck. Is that all you can say? Her name?_ He couldn't think.

 _He's helpless._ She felt powerful. She felt awful. Drawing back from him, she pushed her fingers through her long blonde hair, composing herself. "You don't have to stay here, Natsu, not if you don't want."

For a moment, even standing entirely nude in front of him as she was, she sounded like her old self as she offered him an escape route. He seriously considered taking it, but then she licked her lips in a way that was both wicked and inviting and he knew he wouldn't go.

Acting braver and more confident than he was, he took her hand and led her to the bed. Every single step he took, his sandals moving over her hardwood floor seemed to rap out, _'What are you doing? What are you doing?_ '

He had no fucking idea.

 _Stop thinking._ That was easy.

At the bed, Lucy slipped out of his grasp and lay down on the mattress; it was silent beneath her weight. Her breasts bounced alluringly, her eyes flashed darkly, her mouth parted and Natsu went right back to sweating.

"We shouldn't be doing this." Saying it aloud didn't offer the relief he thought it _should_.

 _No._ Lucy didn't say what she was thinking, afraid he'd go away; she hadn't thought of Zeref in a few long seconds, not since Natsu grabbed her hand and led her here. And that was just the start. _We can do this._ Being with him… it could be easy. It would be good.

Propping herself up on one elbow, she grabbed his shirt and dragged him down for another kiss. There had been a lot of nights she'd lain awake thinking about this very thing, but never did she imagine how good it would feel. His tongue was smooth and soft, his lips moving not un-clumsily. That was alright. Better than alright. She nipped him before pulling away. Without her mouth on his, he groaned lowly, a tortured sort of sound.

Natsu reminded himself to _breathe._ Looking down at his best friend, he watched her eyes darken. In that moment, she looked beautiful and terrible, like she could tear him apart with a thought. At this point, he'd even welcome it, if it meant he didn't have to stop.

"Get undressed."

His lungs ached. Grabbing the hem of his shirt, his hands shook with eagerness. With fear. _How did it come to this_? He didn't care to trace back the last few day's events to see what kind of change had come over Lucy, all he cared about what that it _had_ , and here they were.

His shirt got caught on his chin when he pulled it over his head. In his haste, he almost tore it, some of the threads snapping away. When he came free, Lucy wasn't smiling; she was tracking his movements like a hawk tracked a mouse. He wasn't used to feeling like he was on the lower end of the food chain; he still wouldn't complain, though. Lucy's scent was all around him, driving almost _every comprehensible thought_ from his head. His belt was undone along with the first button of his pants, when Lucy got frustrated with his slowness and tugged him onto the bed between her legs.

"Wait—"

Moaning, she found his mouth and severed his words. _Fuck it._ The pants could wait. He kissed her until his mouth felt numb; her lips were colder than they had any right to be. Wondering why was a long way off. Her fingers skated over his naked chest, then lower. First she cupped him through his pants, then angled her hips and grinded off of him as best she could. It wasn't enough.

Every nerve ending was on fire. Squeezing Natsu hard, Lucy broke away and forced his mouth down around her neck. He kissed her fervently, like he'd been dreaming of it for a long time. In response, the darkness in her skin pushed at the surface, longing for a chance to escape. The more Natsu touched her, the wilder she felt, until she both wanted to swallow him and tear him open. No longer was this a reprieve; it was like setting herself on fire. Again, the magic pulsed at her fingers, like it wanted to slip out and taste the dragon slayer. Clearly, she remembered the powerful wave that had severed Shadow Father's head from his body.

 _It's too much._ Way, way too much. _The magic is going to get out and you're going to kill him too._ Frustrated and half-panicked, she thrust her free hand through his hair, unsure if she wanted to pull him closer or push him off, and bit his shoulder too hard to be considered playful.

She expected him to pull back and gasp in pain, but he only moaned darkly and twisted his face so his lips were on hers again. He kissed her like a desperate man, clumsy and quick, grabbing her anywhere he could.

 _Gods._

Way, way, way too much.

Zeref's magic chose that moment of weakness to try to bloom from her fingertips. Lucy struggled for a moment, at war with herself. She didn't want to hurt Natsu. She wanted to hurt Natsu. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to tear him apart. She wanted to let the magic go and let it do what it did best because that was the only thing it was built for. She needed to resist because she wanted it so badly.

Reason and long-term friendship won. She hauled back on the blackness and pulled away from Natsu's mouth. He made to come for her again and she almost let him, thinking, _does it really matter?_ Then fear brought her clarity. _You'll kill him._ Shaking, she turned her face away.

Feeling her tremble, Natsu propped himself up and looked at her in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"You need to leave," she choked out.

 _Leave?_ "What?" Natsu sputtered.

The magic writhed, bits slipping from her control and brushing his skin; they were weak enough that he didn't seem to notice. Lucy clamped down on it harder but knew she couldn't hold it back forever. "Please, Natsu."

"Did I hurt you?" He didn't want her to look at him like that, wide-eyed and scared.

"I said get out!" She pushed him roughly, hard enough that he was shoved off the bed onto the floor.

He sat there for a dazed moment, feeling a strange pressure build in the room.

 _It's coming._ Lucy fought to keep her breaths steady, knowing that if she let _any_ of her control slip, it would start a cascading effect. "Get out, _now_!" Reaching over her head, she grabbed the first thing she could and threw it. Her bedside clock. The thing crashed into the wall beside Natsu's head instead of into his cheek. It took that clattering noise to shake him from his numbness. Scrambling to his feet, he did just as she asked, leaving his shirt behind in his haste.

When he was out of her window and halfway down the street, the magic finally exploded from Lucy's skin. It raced through her apartment like hellfire, killing everything it touched: her goldfish, her cactus, even the daisies she had picked four days before. That black cloud seeped into the apartment next door and stole the breath from her neighbour, Mr. Band, as he slept. Unconscious as he was, he didn't feel a thing, but Lucy did. She thought she'd never forget the feeling of his heart stopping and his breath halting. Hit with a wave of both pleasure and sickness, all she could do was wrap her arms around her waist and keen. It wasn't killing him that made her feel ill, though, it was her complete lack of compassion for his innocent death. _At least it was him and not Natsu_.

Trapped in the agonizing aftermath of such powerful magic, all Lucy could do was lay there and wonder again what Natsu would think of the new Lucy Heartfilia. Would he be so willing to kiss the fiend once he had seen her true face?

Not likely.

The thought made her incredibly sad.

Feeling forlorn, she longed for Zeref. He wouldn't judge her because they were just alike. She was his monster, after all.

* * *

 _Lookee here. I'm so fucking good at escaping, you guys get two chapters today. Hallelujah._


	6. Chapter 6

From miles and miles away, Zeref felt Lucy call him like she was whispering directly in his ear. Days apart had only made their connection stronger. It was maddening.

Lying on his small cot and staring up at a nondescript ceiling, he felt everything she did. Her agony. The hope she felt when she thought she was going to find release with Natsu. The terror that swallowed her up when she realized that he only actually made things worse. And finally, the quivering, sobbing mess she was when the magic went tearing through her.

In its wake, she begged for him again, pulling at the magic zealously.

A small, too-pleased part of him was glad that she longed for the comfort only he could give. Closing his eyes, he allowed himself a bit of guilty pleasure and peered through the body of one of his shadows into Lucy's bedroom.

She was absolutely naked, lying on her bed with her legs spread, her fingers working over her center quickly, head tilted back, mouth parted. The image punched through him, forcing him out of the shadow and back into his own body. His skin was hot all over, between his legs got painfully hard.

Lucy, sensing he'd been there, redoubled her efforts to get him back.

She was insistent and horribly difficult to dismiss. Zeref breathed evenly and tried to tune her out. _You can't go. You made a promise, so stay away from her._

It was working.

Sort of.

The longer she pleasured herself, the more agitated the magic became, the closer it cinched them together.

He gritted his teeth and prayed that it would fade. It didn't.

Something had changed in the girl, some threshold had been crossed and he felt her like a hot poker beneath his skin. She wasn't like any of his other demons; he didn't know how to push her out of his head or how to field the want that bloomed inside of him, foreign and tempting. He closed his eyes and pressed his hands against his lids until he saw bright spots.

 _Don't pay it any mind_. What an impossible suggestion. From so far away he felt her need. She was frantic and frustrated and wanted something, or someone, to ease that frustration. He knew it could be him. _Should_ be. She was his creation, after all, right? Another pulse of magic had him wondering if it was going to be a matter of want soon, or if she'd drag him there against his will. Taking his hands away from his eyes, he grasped his fingers into a tight fist, a furious growl growing in his chest. Even imagining ignoring her was torturous.

 _You gave Layla your word_ , he reminded himself. Yet, that was starting to mean very, very little. The last few days, Lucy occupied his every thought like a beautiful and terrible blight, working to decay his resistance. When he agreed to give her the magic, he knew there would be some connection between them, but nothing like _this._ Layla had died before he could see it in her, so he had no idea _what_ to expect.

Lucy pulled at him again, stronger than before. In retaliation he thrust back a vast and surely excruciating amount of energy and felt every moment of it. The instant it contacted her skin and shot inside, it bounced around and brought her such intense pain. Then, surprisingly, that pain turned to pleasure and she fell helplessly into orgasm. He gasped and sputtered, his own body responding in kind. It was so unexpected that he only lay there for a moment, his skin covered in goose bumps, his mind relaxing and opening the channel between them. He could feel how much she wanted him, and even worse, how much he wanted her back.

 _No more_ , he thought with a clench of his jaw. _This has to stop_. It was never supposed to get this far. The magic was supposed to kill her like it had her mother. Failing that, he expected her to crumple under the knowledge that she was changing into such a dark creature and take her own life.

He had been wrong. Lucy was stronger than that, stronger than he had ever imagined. Knowing that only made him want her even more. No living creature should ever have that much control over him. Frustrated, he threw the blankets from his body and stood, thinking that there was a simple solution to his plight. Lucy Heartfilia needed to die. If he killed her then he would be free. She would stop haunting his thoughts and tempting him every moment of every day.

Shadow swirled around his body and took him to her, murder on his mind.

* * *

Feeling him in her heart like a sweet poison, Lucy thrust her fingers through her hair, hopelessly tormented.

Anything. She'd give anything to see him. The fallout from the use of his magic left her hungry for him in the way a junkie hungers for their addiction. Back between her legs, her fingers teased and prodded. It wasn't enough. Her skin was crawling. There was a pressure building in her chest, though she didn't know whether it was because she wanted to laugh, or if she wanted to cry. Or maybe she wanted to come again and scream until her throat was raw and bloody. Who could tell anymore?

The very instant he gave up his resistance and travelled to her side, she knew. Within seconds, he formed from the shadows in the corner of her room, a murderous look on his face.

Before he was even fully formed, Lucy was up and out of bed, crossing the room fearlessly and wrapping her arms around his neck. He didn't even get a chance to draw a breath when she crushed her mouth against his.

He tasted like everything wretched in the world, like hate and self-loathing, like despair and pollution. He tasted like perfection.

Zeref felt paralyzed until Lucy's tongue flicked out and slipped between his lips. Then he let out a pained, fraught moan and returned the kiss, knowing that it wasn't at all real but, for at least the moment, not at all caring. This contact eased the burning he'd felt in his chest since he'd given her that magic all those days before. Finding her arms, he pinned them to her side and kissed her the way he wanted to, long and slow. Lucy simply let it happen, reveling, and almost felt like a real person again. It wasn't until she started yanking at his clothes that he broke the kiss, chest heaving, and gathered a disgusting amount of magic in his hand.

"Are you going to kill me?" Lucy asked.

Her voice didn't waver. It turned husky. Like the thought appealed to her. Zeref's skin got hot again. _She's not supposed to enjoy it. She's supposed to be frightened._ He moved his hand to her neck and squeezed. "Yes."

Lucy met his gaze, trapping him while she wriggled under his hold, fingers slipping under his shirt, seeking his body. He jolted on contact and breathed too heavily. _Is this what Natsu felt?_ Lucy was a siren, her skin pale and luminous, her eyes dark, dark, dark.

 _Kill her before she can open her mouth again, before she can wrap you up and trick you._ The magic pulsing in his fingertips was in tune with his heart. "I'm sorry," Zeref told her and meant every word. Just because he meant it didn't make what came next any less avoidable.

Threads of blackness seeped from his body into hers. Her eyes closed, her muscles quaked, and a moaning sigh dropped from her lips. She whispered his name again and again, each time reverently. Her limbs shook, her fingers quested, grasping into his shirt and roving down to his hips where they dug into his skin. She was orgasming again.

Realizing this, Zeref's lungs got tight. _Gods. Kill her now._ But instead of killing her, his traitorous body pulled her closer so he could breathe her pleasure in. Her skin hummed under his hands; he couldn't resist shoving more magic through her and was rewarded for his efforts when Lucy leaned into him, moaning his name against his mouth.

 _This is better than killing her._

Eyes still half open, he kissed her hard, unable to look away. He _wanted_ her to shiver; he _wanted_ her to moan on his tongue. More magic rolled off of his skin and into hers. In seconds, her whole body was quaking again with intense pleasure. Sobbing, she grasped his shirt and started tugging.

"I've—"

The girl caught his mouth again, cutting off his words. Zeref fell victim to her tide for another beat. _Stop._

He yanked back and squeezed her ribs hard enough that she winced. "I've come to kill you, Lucy."

It took all of her energy to lift her eyes to meet his unsteadily in the darkness. "So you said. I won't stop you." Maybe she was a fool for daring him to strike.

Her throaty voice serrated his skin. "I know." Unable to help it, he flicked his tongue over her lips.

When he made no move to carry out his threat, Lucy screwed up her courage and pulled the thin cloth covering Zeref's chest. Tonight, he was dressed all in black, was cloaked in it and lived in it, and yet, for all that, he wore pyjamas, just like a regular sort of person. It was so… _human._ It only made her feel crazier.

The top button on his nightclothes popped open, revealing the pale and toned chest beneath. Threads of darkness wrapped around his body, ribboning his skin; it was cold against her palm. With the first button undone, she moved faster, working on the others. Zeref still didn't try to stop her, but she had the distinct feeling that he was drawing up the will to strike. With every passing second the air in the room became more charged.

The danger only made her more excited. On tiptoe, she found his mouth and kissed him fervidly while her fingers finished their work, getting his shirt completely undone.

Arduously, Zeref broke their kiss; Lucy kept her mouth on his body. From his chin she worked all the way down his neck, over his collarbone, and then started on his chest, migrating south with an impatient and scalding hot mouth.

Zeref took her hair in his hands when she got to his bellybutton. "Gods, Lucy." He said her name darkly. "I'm thinking about killing you. Aren't you frightened?" Did she not understand?

"No." Every kiss was light and teasing, designed to make his head cluttered. She got to the waistband of his pyjamas and slipped her tongue inside the edge. Zeref groaned and tightened his hold on her golden tresses, then found her breast with his free hand. She gasped and shook and shivered; he'd just barely touched her.

Finding his tongue again he said, "You should be." There wasn't a time he could remember where someone hadn't been afraid of him.

Maybe Mavis.

He ground out her memory like ash under his heel and squeezed Lucy tight enough that she yelped; it turned into a moan. Her mouth closed around him through the fabric of his pants, teeth nipping none-too-gently.

Lucy carefully listened to Zeref's breathing change; a random and mean thought flitted through her head: _this could have been you, Natsu_. If only she didn't kick him out. If only she didn't want to take him _apart_ ,

Piece

By

Piece.

Looking up the line of his body, Lucy asked, "Do you think there is something wrong with me?"

Zeref petted her head and thought about snapping her neck. It would put her out of her misery before it could ever _really_ get started. "Everything is, Lucy. You're falling apart, right at the seams"

 _Falling apart._ "Will it hurt?"

"Only for a moment until either you die or you forget what it's like to be so human," he mumbled, not too sure which he'd prefer.

She waited to be scared. _Nothing_. Wrapping her fingers around his body through his pants she asked, "And afterwards, if I don't die, does it feel good?" She thought yes, that darkness was like a familiar lover that knew her better than she knew herself.

He grasped her hair harder, tension building low in his belly as she pumped him. "Good and terrible." There wasn't any lying about that. Lucy used her tongue and rubbed it over the tip of his erection. Groaning, he grabbed his pants and pulled them down, down, down. As soon as he was free he felt better, less restricted. Lucy, breath erratic, wasted no time taking him into her mouth and he felt better still. Her tongue was cold like winter, her movements uncoordinated, she moved so zealously.

Words streamed out of Zeref's mouth; he didn't even know what he said while she sucked. Praises? Maybe. Curses? Absolutely. Encouragements? She needed none, sliding him deep into her mouth and humming.

He groaned and pulled her hair, being rougher with her than he'd planned. Long seconds passed with him so deeply inside her, she didn't breathe. Her fingers grasped weakly at his thighs and Zeref, remembering himself, let her lean back. She gasped loudly, taking in deep lungful after deep lungful of air, then went back for him. This time she did it to herself, taking him in as deep as possible.

Watching through his lashes only made Zeref harder. Lucy's breasts swayed softly, her mouth made the most alluring, sloppy noises, she crooned. Zeref felt everything tighten. _Not yet. Not yet._ Reaching down, he found the tips of her breasts and pinched hard until she gasped. "You shouldn't want to belong to me."

Lucy took her mouth away from his throbbing body and said, "It's all I think about."

His skin jumped involuntarily. _Don't listen. Walk away, there's still time._ "You don't mean that." He waited for her to agree, to come to her senses, but Lucy merely peered at him steadily, her answer clear enough on her face. She meant every word.

He growled, more magic spilling from his skin, and tugged harder on her hair, using the leverage to pull her up from the floor and corral her to the mattress. There he pushed her back roughly, enjoying the way everything bounced just right when she fell, and spread her legs with hands that shook. Crawling between them, he crushed his mouth to hers and kissed her hard, putting into that motion all of his frustration. Lucy tilted her hips, making his erection brush over her center, and sobbed.

Zeref grabbed her hips. "Lock your legs around me."

Lucy was struggling to find the dexterity to obey when a clattering noise startled her. Opening her eyes wide, she peered through the darkness towards the window and felt ice drop through her veins.

A cap of messy hair was silhouetted against the moon.

 _Fuck._

There was no doubt in her mind that he saw more than enough to condemn her.

Before she could say a word, her intruder turned and slipped back into the night.

Seemingly coming back to himself, Zeref swallowed, throat bobbing, and put some distance between their hips. "If I'm all you think about then why does that have you so distraught?"

Lucy's heart hammered in her chest. The ever-present darkness retreated. She put her arm between herself and the black wizard, covering her breasts. "I—"

"I think it's time I go," he cut in.

Lucy trembled. "Wait—" Fear was bleeding through. What was she doing? Did she have a death wish? She invited Zeref into her home... Zeref was here, atop of her, and had been pawing her so desperately. She shivered but not because she was cold.

He didn't try to kiss her or touch her again, simply stood, sort of fixed his clothes, and melted into the shadows.

Lucy waited for the tears.

Her eyes were dry.


	7. Chapter 7

A sharp rapping on Lucy's door woke her early that morning. Clambering out of bed and wrapping her housecoat around her body, she stumbled over and yanked back the barrier. A police officer waited there. He was older, with a large bushy beard, thick brows, and worried eyes. _Cops? Why_? Her immediate thought was maybe something happened to Natsu. Her heart beat coldly in her chest.

"Good morning, miss."

Blinking blearily—it had been a long, sleepless and tortured night—she clutched her housecoat tight around her ribs and shivered. "Yes?" Not that she particularly wanted to hear what he said.

"My name is Officer Kemel. Sorry to bother you, I know it's early."

"What do you want?" She told herself to be politer.

Kemel didn't seem too affronted. "I don't want to alarm you, but we're investigating a death here in your building."

Lucy shoved her hair back from her face so she could see him more clearly. "A death?"

"Thornton Band was found dead in his apartment this morning."

 _Right._ The bottom dropped out of Lucy's stomach. Knowing what she did and then having it confirmed were two totally different things. _Don't act suspicious._ Lying came effortlessly to this new girl wearing her face. "Do you think he was killed?" She even managed to insert a frightened warble in her voice. "Should I be worried?"

The officer rushed to reassure her. "We think it was natural causes, but just to be sure. Did you hear anything around 11?"

Lucy imagined telling him that she did it. Her tongue felt like lead. "No, sir."

He didn't even question her, not Lucy Heartfilia, a good girl from Fairy Tail. "Thank you. Try to enjoy the rest of your day."

She looked towards Natsu's discarded shirt and thought she definitely would not.

* * *

The sunlight filtering through a thin film of cloud was weak and dingy. Over the cobblestone path, Lucy's feet dragged. Feeling used and exhausted, she imagined all of the things she'd rather be doing. Sitting at home in the dark. Drowning. Scraping her skin off.

 _You don't have to do this, you know_? She didn't really believe that, she was still herself enough to know that she had to say something, that this couldn't pass in silence.

Natsu's shirt felt heavy in her fingers, a testament to last night's impiety as she trudged towards his cottage. In the time it took her to get there, she tried to think of something to say, but _what_? That she was more terrible than she had ever been and couldn't even drum up the self-control to temper it? That while she was sorry he'd seen her and Zeref, she wasn't nearly sorry enough? That her only regret was that she'd been caught? _You're a horrible girl._

It hadn't always been that way. She tried to think back to the time when Natsu was all she thought about. The only thing that truly stuck out in her mind was the way he kissed her so fervently last night. Immediately, that feeling was combated by the want she felt for Zeref's intoxicating black magic. She wrapped her arms around her middle and whimpered, remembering his mouth. And then Natsu's. back and forth, back and forth. The demon king's threats. The dragon slayer's desire. _Natsu…_ Magic sang through her. Last night, it was like it wanted to tear him down and rebuild him. Reach inside and draw something out. Make him something more. Make him just like her.

She swallowed, throat bobbing, and thought, _if you just kept going, he wouldn't have even fought you. He would have wanted it._ _He would have begged for it and loved every moment right up until that little shadow slipped into his mouth and tore off the mask and you got to see what was on the inside._ The beast beneath the slayer.

Her heart pounded and a fire ignited low in her belly. _Stop. Stop thinking about it. Especially now._ Maybe when she went home she'd curl up in her bed and fantasize about all the things she didn't get the chance to do to him and work off some of that frustration, but for now she needed to keep calm, she needed to be serious and she needed to think of something to say that might make her worthy of his forgiveness. Absolutely nothing came to mind.

Her thoughts drifted back to her bedroom, to when he had her pinned to the bed and her fingers were through his hair. _That's gone now,_ she reminded herself and was nearly swallowed by a wave of melancholy.

Was this what Zeref felt every day? Sort of numb and hollowed out, careless and reckless, detached from everyone he cared about? Though she felt powerful and wild, she also felt scared. Who was this Lucy? The girl she was before she faced Shadow Father was dead.

The destruction could be smelled before she saw it. He was angry. Stomach flopping with a small thrill of nerves, she diverged from the road up the broken stone path to his home. Above her head, smoke twisted overtop the trees, thick and suffocating. The ground under her feet turned to ash and the husked out skeletons of trees took over the once lush forest. The air tasted dry. _He's so furious._ She licked her lips apprehensively and beat back the hot shock that moved through her, the hunger. _What's wrong with you_? She was wickedly perturbed if his discord drove her so wild.

Through the trees he came into view, sitting cross-legged in the center of a ring of ash, fists on his knees squeezed tight, body a ball of burning fire. From where Lucy stood, it looked like the flames were eating him alive. _He's mine to eat_ , she thought ludicrously, and felt cold magic prick her skin.

Noticing her, the roaring fire Natsu was bathed in soared higher, burned hotter. That rage was so intimidating, Lucy hesitated so she could marvel at all the power and hate that lived inside of him. _Think of all the secrets Zeref's magic could tease out of his skin_. Because there was more to Natsu than she knew, she could feel it _._

From his spot on the ground, Natsu lifted his gaze and gave her the coldest look she'd ever seen, as if he were fighting not to scorch her to ash, too. How much potential for violence did he hold in those hands? _Are you so eager to find out_? The magic in her body said yes. Her heart cried. Her skin sang. Realizing she was staring, she blinked and shook herself. _You came here for a reason, now stop standing there and say something_.

She twisted her fingers through the fabric of his shirt and cleared her throat. "Natsu—"

He stood, the fire blazing hotter still—hot enough that her skin crisped.

"That hurts," she told him.

"Good," he said maliciously, but after an excruciating second he extinguished the fire. It looked as if it cost him something to do so. Once the flames cleared, she could see that his face was a mask of resentment. Never had she seen him so infuriated. Her breath quickened, her skin broke out in goose bumps.

"I just wanted to come by and—"

"Shut up, Lucy, and leave me alone," he growled and turned from her, stalking back to his cottage. With each step small tendrils of flame rose from his skin, as if he couldn't keep it all inside. Lucy knew how that felt.

Watching his shoulders sway as he stomped off, an unexpected pain shot through her. It had been days since she'd felt anything quite so sincere. "Natsu, wait!"

It didn't take much convincing; he whipped around and came back to her, long legs eating up the ground so quickly it was staggering. There was a sharp, murderous look in his eyes. Lucy shrank back, thinking for the first time ever that maybe Natsu would really hurt her. Then she strengthened her resolve; she'd reap what she sowed.

"What?" His tone cut through her.

"I—"

Furiously, he grabbed her by the shoulders with scalding hands and pushed her back against a tall, solid oak. The tree was one of the only ones in the immediate vicinity that had withstood his assault, its bark only somewhat curled by fire.

Lucy's breath left her lungs and stayed that way, between her legs throbbing, her heart aching.

Natsu, doing his best to ignore the hot as fuck look on her face, grabbed his shirt from her hands. It burst into flames and disintegrated. Snarling indignantly, he threw the remaining ash at her chest; it exploded in a black cloud. He didn't even feel badly about it.

"Get out of here."

Lucy breathed again only to sputter and cough. Her pink shirt was ruined, and maybe her shorts, too, but she didn't complain, knowing that she deserved that and more.

Natsu turned away again and Lucy, not so willing to give up, caught his hand. His skin was much, much too hot to hold. She had to release him, but she'd done what she intended: stopped him in his tracks. "Please just give me a second."

Natsu, shoulders stiff, turned back to look at her. "I think you should leave. I don't have anything to say to you."

He certainly didn't _look_ like he had anything to say. Nothing she wanted to hear, anyway. _Why would he_ , she thought depreciatively, _you used him and then kicked him out and invited in the demon king_. The thought didn't shame her like it should have.

Natsu snorted a breath out of his nose and turned again.

Lucy tugged on her shirt worriedly. _Don't give up,_ y _ou have to at least try to smooth this over._ Though she'd done terrible, wicked things, she couldn't imagine losing him. _"_ Just—"

He stopped and scraped out, "Just let you explain?" His onyx eyes seared right through her.

Lucy opened her mouth.

Though he told himself to be quiet, Natsu said, "This should be good. Let's hear it."

Lucy admitted, "I don't know what to say." How much did he see? How much did he know?

"It'd be pretty fucking hard to explain if you don't know what to say, wouldn't it?"

Lucy recoiled.

Natsu pressed on mercilessly. "Who was he?"

 _He doesn't know._ Lucy felt a cool, selfish wash of relief; somehow, the darkness had hidden Zeref from him. Or maybe the dragon slayer had been so distraught, he hadn't taken the time to realize who she was tearing into her bed. Guilt tried to suffocate her. _Don't feel bad._ She was Zeref's, after all.

While that was true, the guilt wouldn't totally go away; she cared about Natsu and wasn't that magic trying to tell her that he sort of belonged to her, too? It wanted him. She just didn't understand _why_.

 _Does it matter_ why _? Maybe you should just do what you want._ Not everything had to be lost. She said, "He was no one." As soon as the words were out she realized that she'd said the wrong thing.

Natsu's eyes got stormy and dark. "You're saying you kicked me out for 'no one'?" Again, he told himself to _shut up_. His mouth just kept on moving. "It meant so little to you?" His fists were flaming again. In an effort to regain some calm, he breathed heavily through his nose. The fire only flamed hotter than before.

Lucy looked at him in horror. "No! That's not what I meant."

He wasn't listening. "So you must just invite everyone in to your bed, huh?"

Lucy winced. "You don't understand..." _She_ didn't, that was for sure.

"You're right, I don't," Natsu ground out.

Lucy twisted her fingers together. "I'm sorry."

She looked sincere, too. _It's a fucking lie_. Digging his nails into his palms helped to keep his anger in the forefront; this way, he could ignore Lucy's intoxicating scent, because she did smell wonderful. Sinful. And her skin... It looked alight and flushed, as it had last night when she was lying beneath him, looking like every fantasy he'd ever had. Between his legs pulsed and he felt himself get thicker.

 _Don't._

 _Don't._

 _Don't._

It felt like she still crawled inside his skin and twisted him up. All he could see was her dark eyes, her body. He got painfully hard. _Fucking bitch._ He hated that last night still turned him on. _That's fine._ He imagined her wrapping her legs around someone else's back, sighing for them instead. And then the sleepless night he had, lying in his hammock, fuming until he burned a hole straight through the bottom. There was the anger, back where it was supposed to be.

The lust was still there, but so was the betrayal. "Just... Why, Lucy? Why even ask me to stay if you were just going to kick me out for the next guy that came around? Like, you didn't even wait an _hour._ " He couldn't hold in the last bit, it had been tormenting him all night and all morning.

Lucy let out a shaking breath. "I'm sorry, Natsu, I wanted you, but—" She didn't know what she was going to say. Maybe: _'Even though you drive me fucking crazy, I was afraid of hurting you. I can't stop thinking about Zeref. I belong to him like I haven't belonged to anyone before._ She could go on.

 _You and Natsu could belong, too, that magic could make you two just alike, if you let it._ She shivered involuntarily, not really knowing if it was true, but feeling almost crazy enough to find out, even if it meant killing him.

The dragon slayer still looked at her expectantly. Lucy reached for him, not knowing if she did it because she wanted to find out what would happen if she used Zeref's magic on him, or if she just wanted to feel his skin on hers.

Natsu dodged out of her range, knowing that if he let her touch him, he wouldn't be able to keep his head. "Let me guess, but I wasn't good enough? Sorry." Self-depreciation was a new thing, and it tasted bitter. There weren't many times in his life he'd felt inadequate.

Lucy flinched. "It wasn't like that." It was easy to remember the magic reaching up inside of her, trying to use her to steal away Natsu's breath. The memory made her skin pulse hotly with shame and excitement.

Lucy's scent was changing again. Natsu recognized the shift and associated it with the complete loss of his faculties. He couldn't stand here any longer and listen to her apologize; otherwise, despite the ludicrousness of it all, he'd actually want to hear it. "Shut up. Just stop talking."

She didn't. "Natsu, I didn't _really_ want you to go last night—"

He was back in her face in an instant and clapping a hand over her mouth to keep her from talking. " _You told me to get out!_ I thought I did something _wrong_. I thought I _hurt_ you!" He pushed her back, jamming her shoulders against the bark of the tree so she had nowhere else to go. "And then you brought in someone else?" He could murder her he was so angry.

Lucy breathed heavily from her nose, lungs working too hard, heart beating like a hammer. He smelled good, like wood smoke and crushed grass. There was a myriad of emotions in his onyx eyes: hate and desire, pain and self-loathing. She loved them all.

Cold fire lanced through her. _All you have to do is push and he'll be yours again. You don't even have to feel bad for it, he_ wants _this._ She could tell by the hardness between his legs, though the glower on his face would have her believe something entirely different. Maybe she could ignore that. _See? All you have to do is take._ She was very, very wicked. Excited.

 _Gods, please no_ , she prayed but still grabbed his wrist and pressed her lips against his palm.

On contact, Natsu paled, his eyes going heavy-lidded, and choked out, "Stop whatever it is you're doing."

Lucy squeezed his wrist tighter, fingers cutting into his skin, and arched her hips into his. Her moan came out muffled, the sound making the dragon slayer harder than he'd ever been before.

Frustrated, he used his free hand to grab her hair and pull it hard, forcing her head back. It only made her breathe harder, made her hips grind against his.

 _Fuck._

He wanted to scream at her, and kiss her, and tear her clothes off, take her anyway he wanted then hurt her like she'd hurt him. It took so much self-control to stop himself.

Lucy would have told him she couldn't help it, but his hand pressing into her lips with near bruising intensity kept her mouth firmly closed. She knew she should feel terrible, she should be ashamed or abashed, but nothing so human came to her. All she felt was the need to swallow his burning rage; she reveled in the idea. _Why is this happening?_ Tiny threads of darkness jumped from her fingers into his wrist, tainting his skin with thin lines. They disappeared almost immediately.

It was enough. Natsu, breathing raggedly, hissed like she'd cut him with a too-dull knife, and took his hand away from her mouth, finding place for it against the tree trunk at her side. The bark began to smoulder.

Lucy licked her lips and looked at him with eyes that danced in the pale morning light, blacker than he remembered them ever being before. They were easy to get lost in. _Focus._ He couldn't, not with his fingers still tangled in her hair. His throat felt tight. _You hate her._ The reminder was definitely welcomed, because looking like that, she was as aberrant as she was tempting. And her scent…

 _Whatever she's doing, it's not real. It's not real, it's not real, it's not real._ It surprised him how much he wanted it to be, though. _Don't forget. Don't forget the man she was getting ready to fuck. Don't forget it wasn't just you._ The rage helped clear his mind for a breath, though it seemed the angrier he became the more Lucy changed, her chest heaving, the air exploding out of her lungs laced with that intoxicating scent.

Sensing his wavering resolve, Lucy found both of his hands, untangling the one from her hair, then guided him to her breasts where he grabbed her and squeezed too roughly.

 _Fuck._ "Just tell me it meant nothing." The words came out like a gasp.

Lucy blinked dolefully up at him. _Nothing?_ Though she wanted to, she couldn't make herself lie about Zeref. "…It didn't mean what you think it does."

He clutched her harder still, hard enough that his hands would be imprinted in her body. _Good._ Like she was his and he was trying to mark her. _Definitely not._ "You're not even trying to defend yourself."

"I'm sorry," she tried again.

There was hardly any space at all between them; it would take so little effort to kiss him. She knew he'd resist until their mouths met and then he'd cave. He wouldn't be able to help it. She bent towards him and flicked her tongue against his lips.

Feeling electrocuted, Natsu leaned back, but not as far as he should have. His fingers moved on their own accord, pinching her through her shirt until she purred. It was a fucking fantastic sound. _Don't forget_. Again, he imagined the man leaning overtop of her. His head cleared a little. "What's going on with you, Luce?"

Her spine bowed, bringing her closer to him still. "Natsu—I—" _Think of something._ It was difficult, he was so distractingly angry and she breathed it in like some kind of monster. _Focus, focus, focus._ "I'm sorry. I didn't want for it to happen like that."

He heard what he wanted to, his head was so cobwebby. His mouth was moving again. "Tell me I'm the only one you want." _Why are you asking this?_ He kept telling himself to be stronger, but Lucy… He thought maybe he loved this girl. _Maybe we can make it better._

She stared at him blankly. Natsu waited for her to say _something_.

Her mouth opened, lips looking as red as blood, then closed. Nothing came out.

"Lucy." He squeezed her hard again. _Don't beg._ ' _Please'_ was on his tongue anyway. "Tell me."

"I can't, Natsu." It should have been easy to lie. The solution seemed so blatantly obvious, yet she couldn't make herself do it.

Natsu gave her a disgusted look, sick with himself and sick with her, and _made_ himself break contact with her body. His palms throbbed, getting hot in her absence. "You can't."

She worried her bottom lip, knowing that she was ruining everything. "I'm sorry."

The fury was back full force, his body burning. " _You_ fucking asked _me_ to stay. If you had someone else in mind, then you should have just left me out of it." He had to turn away from her, otherwise he'd do something with all that rage. Totally burn the forest to the ground, both of them in it. The first step was the hardest, but once it was taken, he put his home in his sights. _Just don't look back._

"Natsu!"

Lifting his hand over his head, he flipped her off. Lucy flinched, thoroughly scolded, and watched him burst into his cottage, flames still dancing around him. The door slammed closed so hard that the whole exterior wall shook. She stared desolately at the place he had been, her heart throbbing painfully in her chest.

* * *

Inside and staring at a blank wall, Natsu found it easier to think without her smell making him utterly insane. Panting like he'd run miles instead of feet, he listened for Lucy's retreating footsteps, half hoping that she'd just fuck off, half hoping that she'd come to the door. He told himself that the latter was so that he could yell at her some more, really get out what he had to say. To think anything else made him want to raze everything to the ground.

 _What the fuck is going on with you? If you're pissed, you're pissed. Stop obsessing._

His head was a mess, caught between remembering the feel of Lucy's mouth, her skin, her sighs against _his_ mouth, and then her fingers pressing into someone else's skin, pulling at someone else's clothes, kissing someone else, so soon after he'd been with her, his kiss was probably still on her lips.

His throat burned with hot fire. Suddenly, he was looking at his door again, clutching the metal handle, and he realized he had every intention of going back out there to scream and destroy some more. The handle turned to liquid in his palm. He reached through the hole it left behind and tore the door back. Cold air rushed inside his cottage; it would have been refreshing, but the smell of smoke tainted it.

Finding Lucy was easy; she was in the same spot he'd left her, except her back was to him and her face was tipped toward the sky. She looked changed yet again, her skin kissed by something dark. When she turned to look at him, her eyes were as black as the starless sky. Seeing that, Natsu stalled, feeling rooted in place.

"What's happening to you?" She was nearly unrecognizable.

She didn't reply, choosing instead to turn and disappear into the woods while she still could.

It took a lot of effort not to give chase; there was a connection between them that hadn't been there before, one that was difficult to smother, though he tried again and again, pulling up an image of Lucy and the other wrapped up tight together. Did they finish once he had left? Wondering that gave him enough fuel to turn back around and retreat to his cottage.

* * *

Not knowing what else to do, Lucy returned to her apartment. Trekking up the familiar stairs, she wondered fleetingly, sickly, where Zeref was.

Guiltily, she prodded him with her stolen magic and waited in anticipation for him to respond. There was only dead air awaiting her. It was just as well; this is what had drawn her into this mess, this inexplicable urge to be near him.

At the top of the stairs, she took out her key and opened the door; there was a visitor waiting on the edge of her bed.

Loke turned hazel eyes her way, chin cradled in his hand. It was a staged position, one that was meant to look casual. If she didn't know him so well, she would have believed it, too.

"What are you doing here, Loke?" she asked before he could say a word.

"I wanted to talk to you." He stood, straightening his back and his shoulders so he towered over her.

Lucy clutched her elbows and looked into his eyes, unintimidated.

"There was a man that died next door last night; you don't know anything about that, do you?"

"I already told the police I didn't," she said stubbornly.

Loke raised a brow. "I don't know what's worse, the way you lie so smoothly or how much I want to believe you."

She said nothing.

"You're slipping away." He waited for her to deny his words, to prove him wrong.

"I knew it was a possibility."

Her apathy almost broke his heart. "Lucy, you promised me you'd come back. You said you were strong enough to handle it."

"Well, I was wrong, wasn't I?" she snapped out.

Loke's jaw hardened. "You shouldn't have—"

"I don't know what you expect from me, Loke. It was the only choice I had. What was I supposed to do, let the whole world rot?" She had somehow gotten close to him. Her skin was darkening once more with barely contained power that whipped through her like a whirlwind.

"Maybe, but now? I expect you not to attack your friends. I expect you not to _use_ them."

"I didn't attack _anyone_ ," she said vehemently.

Loke, flat mouthed, tore his suit jacket off his shoulders. Throwing it to the ground, he then grabbed his white dress shirt and yanked at that too until he could expose his mottled shoulder. The girl's eyes lingered over his body, not looking horrified like he'd expected, but hungry. Like he was prey. "You attacked _me_."

She flicked her eyes up to his once more and said, "I had to."

"You wanted to."

There was a bit of that too, yes. Loke saw it in her eyes. "Do your teammates know what's happened?"

"They don't know anything," she admitted grudgingly.

"Well, don't you think they _should_? Tell them about Shadow Father, Lucy, tell them about Zeref."

Lucy glared at him. " _Why_? What difference does that make?"

"They're your friends, they care about you and maybe they can help—"

"As soon as they know what I've become, they'll be frightened."

"They should be, but that doesn't mean that they'll abandon your side," he said confidently.

When she got agitated, magic sparked in her core and tried to tear up through her fingers. _If you hit him again with Zeref's magic, you're really going to hurt him._ She was still herself enough to think that wasn't what she really wanted. Clenching her hands into fists helped contain it, just barely. "You don't know anything."

The shadows still throbbing under Loke's skin responded to Lucy's sudden change, growing unbearably cold, writhing… "Lucy—"

She knew what he was going to say, she could feel the response just as much as he could. "Shut up, Loke. It's _fine_."

"It's _not_ and you know it." His voice cracked like a whip. "You aren't yourself—"

"Maybe I'm exactly who I'm meant to be," Lucy exploded. "Did you ever think of that? Did you ever think that the old me was a lie and this is the real deal?"

"You're wrong."

"If I'm so wrong then why is it so _easy_ , huh? Why do I like it so much?" Lucy's voice shook.

Loke swallowed a lump in his throat. Why, indeed? "You don't mean that."

"I do." Right? "Every word."

He was quiet for a long time, studying Lucy while she looked at him obstinately, still fuming, breasts heaving with every breath. Finally, Loke said, "If you keep going down this path, I won't want to, but I'll be forced to terminate our contract. I won't play spirit for a dark mage."

That stung some. "I'm not—" She cut herself off. The magic that ran so prevalently in her veins was killing magic; it felt good when it used her body to take what it wanted. If that wasn't dark, then what was?

"You can't even deny it," Loke said sadly. Lucy scowled at him but didn't respond. He dared to touch her hand, then her cheek, tilting her face up so she looked squarely into his eyes. Her cold skin burned his in a pleasant, yet painful way. "I'm trying to find a way to fix this."

"And if I don't want to be fixed?"

Loke didn't reply, mostly because he couldn't.

He faded from view and she was alone once more.


	8. Chapter 8

At twelve, Natsu started drinking and kept on. By three thirty, he was drunk enough he was seeing double. By five, he flopped down on his messy floor, head sort of perched against the couch and stared blankly at the ceiling. By then, Lucy didn't stand front and center in his mind; she was a gentle whisper, clandestine and only mildly alluring.

Happy came in.

"Where have you been, Natsu? You didn't come into the guild at all today. And why is the forest all wrecked?" The cat's eyes tracked to Natsu's hand where he had an iron grip on a mostly empty bottle of whisky. His tail twitched. "Were you drinking?"

In reply, Natsu took another huge gulp of the fiery liquid.

Happy's already thin lips completely disappeared. "Are you and Lucy fighting? She hasn't been to the guild, either."

"Get out."

"Natsu—"

" _Get out!"_ He didn't want to think about Lucy. He didn't want to hear her name or remember _anything_ about her.

Somehow, she was the only thing in his head, back full force like the dead awakened by a spell at the mention of her name.

Happy winced and muttered something, annoyed, and left, slamming the door in his wake. Natsu clambered to his feet and locked the door, then went right back to his spot and tipped the bottle into his mouth.

* * *

Around eight, someone knocked on the door. Natsu stared at it dispassionately and kept as quiet as he could.

It wasn't quiet enough. The lock jangled, then the door popped open and his unwanted visitor made her appearance.

Lisanna was clad in a short pink dress that kissed her thighs in a loose wave. Her hair was pinned back by two blue star clips, her bangs loose on her forehead.

"Natsu?" Her eyes settled on him, then her mouth dropped into an O of surprise. She was across the room in seconds and down at his side. "Natsu? Are you hurt?" Her hands found his head, delicate fingers probing through his hair looking for a lump or a cut or something telling. The only thing she found was the gross stench of alcohol and a man with too-glossy eyes.

Natsu pushed her off; the motion made the world spin unpleasantly. "How the hell did you get in? I locked the door." _Right?_ Maybe Lucy was really messing him up. Maybe he was hallucinating—imagining he was doing things that he wasn't.

Her cheeks pinked. "I remembered where you kept your spare key under that old gnome out front. You know, the one with the eyes bleached out by the sun and the cap missing large chunks of paint." It was creepy as hell. But it also made a good hiding spot. "Sorry."

That was… years ago. He forgot that it was even still there. "What are you doing here?"

"…Happy told me you've been in kind of a bad mood." That was an understatement, half the forest around his house was burned to ash; it was amazing his home still stood, though it hadn't escaped his wrath unscathed, as was evident in the deep scorch marks on the floor and his tattered, seared hammock.

Natsu grumbled evasively, annoyed that Happy was telling his secrets.

"Happy thought…" she paused, hesitant to kick the hornets' nest. "Are you and Lucy fighting?"

Her name was like a punch in the throat. Natsu swallowed and found a patch of ceiling to glare at. His magic was trying to rise again. He had spent so long numbing his mind and Lisanna tore off the scab with a few well timed and well placed words.

When he didn't respond, she asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

He raised a brow and said blandly, "No."

She sighed. "Alright, that's okay." She crossed her arms over her knees and leaned her chin on them. "Have you eaten dinner?"

"I'm not hungry," he said.

"You're always hungry." And some food would help soak up some of that alcohol he drank, maybe sober him up some. It had been a long, long time since she'd seen Natsu drunk, and never like this. Usually he was happy when he got into it, but this… Rarely had she seen him so furious. "Just relax and I'll make you something."

"Get out, Lisanna. Lock the door behind yourself."

"Mmhm," she said dismissively and stood. Natsu closed his eyes again, but peeled them open once more when he heard some shuffling behind his head. Tipping his head back, he watched Lisanna search for his couch under all of the clutter. Way beneath piles of magazines, clothes, dirty towels, a few bowls, a stray spoon, a satchel of Happy's that smelled like old fish, and exactly three pairs of socks, it revealed itself. It was the first time Natsu had seen it in so very long that he'd forgotten that it was light green in colour. Corduroy.

Lisanna hesitated removing the final articles: a rusty old sword, a caldron riddled with holes, and a canteen emblazoned with a language she couldn't read. They were all souvenirs from jobs he'd completed at one point or another. Being a mage… it was everything to Natsu, and he kept something from every single job he did. Her heart swelled with an emotion that she couldn't— _wouldn't_ —name.

The last item that she pulled out was a picture frame that only added to that breathless-heart-crunching feeling in her chest. Looking back at her from inside the frame were two smiling children, a young Natsu and Lisanna, their arms wrapped around each other's necks while they grinned manically. Lofted between them was a large fish. It took both of them to hold because it was bigger than either one of them. She was remarkably pleased she had made it into his collection of special things.

"What are you doing?" Natsu finally asked.

Lisanna looked at him sprawled across the ground and felt a pang of sadness. They had been so happy when they were kids, but life did unexpected things. Right now he looked like he was on the bad side of an ugly story. She wished she could take that hollowed out look from his eyes. "I'm cleaning off a place for you to sleep. You can't spend the night on the floor."

"I'm comfortable here."

"Doesn't look comfortable." His head was bent at a funny angle, and under his back was a frying pan that he didn't bother moving, just curved around awkwardly, as if he expected it to bend to his will.

"You'll thank me tomorrow," she promised.

Natsu propped himself up on his elbows unsteadily and squinted at the pile of things Lisanna had moved to the floor. A maid's outfit peeped out from under a _Sorcerer Weekly_ magazine that had done an article on Lucy. It was her first. He turned away from it, disgusted.

Lisanna set the final item on top of the pile and offered Natsu her hand. "Come on."

Natsu gritted his teeth and didn't move.

Seeing the stubborn set to his jaw, she kicked aside his legs and planted her feet firmly between them and grabbed his limp hands. His skin was warm, as if the sun had been heating it, though he had been sitting inside for hours. This close, she could see that his face was pale and his hair stood on end even more than usual, as if he had been thrusting his fingers through his locks and wrenching. He looked anguished and despondent. It hurt her to see him like that.

With a grunt and a groan, she hauled him to his feet, but with Natsu as heavy as he was and as limp as a noodle, Lisanna had to jam her shoulder into his chest to keep him upright. "Geez. How much did you drink?"

He didn't answer.

 _Doesn't matter._ Panting, she ignored his nearness—easy enough when he was drunk-breathing down her neck—and wrestled him back onto the couch. Natsu flopped back, boneless, and threaded his fingers together as a pillow to tip his head back into. Then he just sighed and stared at the ceiling again.

Lisanna sat beside him, tucking one leg underneath her. "Can't you tell me what's bothering you?" she pried.

Natsu rolled his head and looked at her through his lashes. "It's not worth talking about." Gods, Lucy… he was still so mad. If he started talking about it again he might raze his whole cottage to the ground.

Lisanna glanced at the picture of them together. "There used to be a time you told me everything."

Natsu followed her gaze. "We were kids then."

"So?"

"So, I didn't have any secrets worth keeping."

"You could only tell me all the things that didn't matter?" A silver brow went up challengingly. "Don't lie. We were closer than that."

"It's been three years," he reminded her.

Three years since she'd been in Edolas. Three years since she thought her life in Earthland was over. Three years since she'd lost her best friend and whatever they had been building between them. She had thought she'd marry him one day, but now that she was back it felt like they had never been more distant. When she thought of that, of what they had and what they lost, the memory left a bitter-sweet taste on her tongue. She felt embarrassed that she had been so forward back then and whimsical and sad that she couldn't be that girl again. Despite that, she was happy that she had at least that much with him when they were young.

"Sure, it's been three years, but we're still friends," she reminded him.

Natsu dropped his head into his hands and scrubbed his face, a grunt of annoyance on his lips.

"Hey," she said gently and pulled his hands away. "I know that whatever is wrong between you and Lucy, you'll figure it out."

Natsu looked at her with haunted eyes. "Don't say her name here." _Get out of my head._

"Sorry," she said quietly and wrapped her fingers around his in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. Natsu squeezed her hand back, feeling entirely too stupid for his own good. There was one way he could think to get that girl from his head. It would be easy, too. He and Lisanna went way back; there was lots between them, true, genuine feelings that he could count on.

Lisanna squeezed his leg. "I don't know what's going on, but I want to be there for you."

Of course she did. She was always good for that. The sprouts of an idea started to unfurl into something tangible, something that _seemed_ like a good, solid thing in his drink-addled brain. Reason spoke out. "You should go, Lisanna." Before he could do something very, very stupid.

"I want to stay with you for awhile." At least until he sobered up.

An emotion she couldn't place flitted over his face.

Stupid was winning. Natsu wetted his lips, less nervous than he should be.

Thinking to take Lucy from his mind, he pulled Lisanna close and laid his mouth against hers.

* * *

Lucy's body was so hot she took a cool shower to try to temper her rising discomfort. It did little to help. Realizing that after twenty minutes of standing beneath a frigid spray, she turned off the water, sort of dried herself, and came back to flop on her bed naked. She closed her eyes and attempted to sleep.

Natsu haunted her and made it impossible.

His fury still beat inside her heart. Like some kind of perverse vampire, she fed from the power it generated, knowing that if she allowed it, it would build up the magic Zeref had given her. Like an addict, she welcomed it with obsessive vigor, encouraging it to build and build until the power became too much to hold and toppled out of her skin. It seeped across the floor, tarnishing everything, even turning the floorboards black.

It wasn't as relieving as she thought. Twitching, uncomfortable in her own skin, she reached out for Zeref again, thinking maybe he'd be able to sooth her agitated mind. It was his magic, after all.

There was more of that impenetrable wall of silence she was met with earlier. Unwilling to be utterly ignored, she tried to convey her emotions through their connection, buffeting him again and again with her inconsolable restlessness. This was his doing; shouldn't he make an attempt to sooth her? He couldn't just turn his back forever and leave her helplessly in the throes of his magic, right? She'd be swallowed whole. It'd eat her alive. There'd be nothing left.

 _Please,_ she begged silently, knowing for certain that he could hear her, _I need you here_. It felt pathetic to plead. She wasn't used to begging for anything, especially attention, but if it drew him to her, then she'd be willing to do anything.

At first there was a quiet niggling in the back of her mind. That quietness grew louder as Zeref gradually, reluctantly, opened up to her. The next time she brushed by him he answered, a sweet gentle caress of dark energy that had her sucking a sharp breath between her teeth.

 _Come here,_ she thought at him. _Be here with me._

A blot of blackness came into being. Her immediate thought was that he had obeyed, but it was only a flitting shadow, a piece of himself and not the man in person. All the same, it slithered over the edge of her bed and pressed into her bare breasts, so soothingly cold when she was still far too hot. It twisted around her, an ethereal hand that pinched and rubbed her nipples until they were hard. She moaned and felt Zeref smile so far away. She grasped the sheets with shaking fingers and again silently pleaded with him to join her in person. He denied her by lashing against her stomach with a painful piece of magic, leaving no doubt in Lucy's mind that the answer was a firm _no._

That was fine, as long as he lashed out again. He obliged, magic crackling over her skin like minute lightning storms, each one wracking her body and drawing a moaning sigh from her lips.

When she begged instead for release _this_ way, knowing he had the power to make her feel good without ever laying a finger on her skin, he pulled back for no other reason than to be cruel. Lucy stifled a frustrated cry and rubbed her hands over her too-sensitive skin. She thought he'd be truly unsympathetic to her plight and leave her hot and frustrated, but to her surprise he came back for her, using his thoughts to drag that shadow over her skin. Its touch wasn't quite as solid as Zeref's fingers would have been had he actually been there, but it was enough that she quaked under the teasing pressure.

Lucy's breath came faster as Zeref's shadow pinched and prodded, slipped through her hair, brushed by her lips, wrapped around her breasts and then dove lower to caress between her legs.

Tension and frustration were building. That light caress was quickly turning out to be not nearly enough for Lucy. She toughed it out for another few breath-stealing, mind-numbing minutes until she thought she'd break apart if she didn't come soon, then she started to touch herself.

Between her legs was hot and wet. Though she wished it was Zeref there, her fingers felt good roving along her over-sensitive body, especially when she took into consideration that through that oily ink blot, Zeref watched her every move. It slithered tightly around her breasts and squeezed so hard it was nearly painful. She loved it. Her back arched involuntarily, her heart hammered so hard she thought it would break her ribs, and her body sang.

Closer now, she rubbed her fingers in tight, quick circles. Zeref's shadow reached out a small slippery tendril and pushed between her parted lips, filling her mouth so her moans were muffled. Then it worked itself slowly in and out over her tongue. She sucked and licked and imagined it was his body and not a teasing piece of tangible magic. That was enough to send her over the edge. She came hard and would have screamed but her mouth was too full. Through their connection, she felt a split second later when Zeref followed suit. She thought, _next time you should be here with me._

She knew he heard and understood because the cool shadow slipped from her mouth and caressed gently between her legs before it dissipated.

It wasn't a yes, but it wasn't a no, either.

* * *

Even through his drunken haze, Natsu's cheek hurt almost as much as his pride. The last look he had of Lisanna was her storming through his door in a whirl of silver hair, agitation and hurt. He didn't understand _why_ , though. She _wanted_ to kiss him. Usually he was pretty dumb about that stuff, but never with Lisanna. She always wore her heart on her sleeve.

On his mouth he could still feel where her lips pressed into his. Their first kiss as adults wasn't anything like he imagined it to be. It was too full of pain and regret to be anything special. She had trembled and let out this gasping, sort of _pained_ moan, then pulled away so sharply he was left reeling. Then she had slapped him. And that was the fucking end of that.

For awhile he just sat on his (somewhat) clean couch and stared at the place she had been, feeling rather miserable and sorry for himself. And angry. There was always anger. Why were the women in his life constantly pushing him back?

Then he decided that it was Lucy's fault—his misery, Lisanna's rejection—and with that realization came motivation for action.

Without thought his hands ignited once more, burning tacky, sharp holes in the corduroy of his couch. As soon as he stood the flames smothered and died; there was that, at least. His cottage would still be standing.

Tearing open the door he took out into the night, not exactly sure what he was going to do, but he knew that whatever it was, it was going to be horribly satisfying.

* * *

 **A/N:** Okay. So even I read this and was like, WTF? Whatever. That's cool. It is what it is. Also, I'm back!


	9. Chapter 9

For the first time since Lucy moved into her apartment and they became friends, Natsu used the stairs. It had been a close call, habit almost had him going for the window, but memory stopped him. What if he pushed aside the curtains and saw her spread out under someone else?

Then an irrational part of his mind spoke up and wished they _were_ together again tonight. A good row would make him feel better for sure and it would feel good to punish Lucy that way. Would she hate him for kicking that guy's ass? He hoped so. He wanted her to be just as miserable as he was.

Taking the stairs two at a time, Natsu swallowed down his dark, malicious thoughts, wondering, _is this what Lucy's pushed me to?_ But where was the shame? _This is her fault. Don't feel bad for being pissed. She should be the one feeling guilty, not me._

Right.

Feeling righteous and determined, he pushed himself up the stairs. When he tottered, soberer after his encounter with Lisanna but still too drunk for his own good, he used the walls to correct his balance. His attempts to scale the stairs were loud in the late night, but no one opened their door to see what the ruckus was.

As he ascended, drawing ever nearer to Lucy's apartment and closer to her seductive scent—for even now it drifted down the hallway and wrapped around him like an enticing secret—he pulled his anger up like a shield, listing all the ways he hated Lucy Heartfilia. She was going to hear every single one of them.

At her door—at least, he was _pretty sure_ it was hers—he thundered his fist against the wood, psyching himself up for a fight.

Seconds later, Lucy answered, clad only in a housecoat.

For a moment he could do nothing but stare at her. She was like a cold splash of water in his veins. She was beautiful and terrible and he had never ever before wanted to simultaneously kiss and scream at someone so much in his life. Standing there, he was almost swallowed by her scent, something dark and perfume-y and as intoxicating as ever.

 _Focus._ _Don't let her trick you._ From somewhere he dredged up a sneer to keep himself from reveling in her presence, but it wasn't enough to completely ignore the way she drew him in with her fever pink cheeks, ruby bright lips and tangle of spun gold hair.

Lucy blinked up at him with surprised onyx eyes. Onyx. Yes, the tawny-tinged-honey was totally eaten now. "Natsu, what are you doing here?"

Though she had felt him enter her building, connected to him by some force she didn't understand, she could hardly believe it. After this morning, she thought that would be the last time they ever willingly saw each other. Now he stood at her door, face a dark mask of anger and hatred, eyes too bright to be rightly sober, skin too fevered, looking like a dark kind of salvation. He was so furious, so close to combusting, small tendrils of smoke rose from his skin. Fear and desire swirled in Lucy's blood to make her breath come faster.

Natsu gathered himself up to his full height so he towered over her menacingly and pushed himself into her room, slamming the door at his back. As soon as it was closed, blocking them off from the rest of the world, he wished it was open again. It was too late for that. He wouldn't be the one to open it; that felt like he was giving her a victory.

When it slammed, Lucy had been looking into Natsu's eyes, so he caught sight of the fear that flashed through her before her face smoothed. _Good,_ he thought meanly, horribly, _you should feel uncomfortable_.

"You can't just force your way in here," Lucy protested.

Natsu ignored her. "You're an evil bitch." His voice was too loud to be considered appropriate, but he didn't bother to temper it. He needed the momentum to keep his head above the water, otherwise here, surrounded by all of her things, _her_ and that mind-stealing smell, he'd be so lost.

Lucy's pale brows knitted together. "Well, that's sort of hurtful." Her words were brimming with sarcasm.

"And yet you know it's true," he sniped back. _This is good. This is better than kissing her. You don't ever need to kiss her._ The lies he told himself to keep his head straight.

Lucy sighed and wished she could change several things that had happened over the last few days. Maybe if she could, Natsu wouldn't be so hurt and furious now. _At least he didn't see who it was_ , she thought thankfully. That would certainly be the tipping point. "Natsu," she tried again, "Why are you here? I thought—"

"I'm giving you the same treatment you gave me," he ground out, cutting her off. "Showing up at my house uninvited, messing with my head." He pushed her none too gently further into her apartment. Touching her was like putting his hand in too-hot oil, searing and painful, but all the same, once he pulled away he wished he was touching her again. It was perverse and it was unfair. _What did I ever do to deserve this_? It must have been something god awful. "You used me," he finished, words slurring.

Instead of denying him, she noted mildly, "You're drunk." The prospect didn't put her off as much as it likely should have. Natsu's decay into discord had her—sickeningly—frothing at the mouth. A drunk Natsu was a dangerous and unpredictable Natsu, two things she had come to enjoy. It made her skin heat excitably, stamping out sprigs of compassion before they could ever really start to grow.

Her scent started changing; his head started emptying. _Remember._ He wished he could make her feel like he did for just a moment; used, frustrated, unable to think clearly, then wondered if he had that kind of power over her, if maybe he could do to her what she had done to him and then just walk away. _You're just trying to think of an excuse to touch her,_ he thought. It was a poorly disguised attempt to trick himself into thinking it was okay. He shook his head adamantly.

"Something wrong?" Lucy asked, not like she truly cared if he was suffering, but like she wanted to find a way to make him even more miserable. Like it made her feel better.

Natsu ground his teeth together. "What did you do to me? Why can't I get you out of my head?" Even now he was leaning into her, taking in her piquant, toxic scent. She was a demon, he thought bitterly, a sweet, haunting demon.

"Maybe you can't get me out because you don't want me gone," she couldn't help but utter. Her tone belied her intent, coming out like a desperate plea; he was something she had wanted for a very long time and it had hurt to turn him away last night. _It was for his own good,_ she reminded herself, but no such benevolent fact offered solace to her. She wanted to draw him in and tear him down, find out what was inside.

Natsu couldn't deny her words, but he didn't have to admit it, either. He clenched his teeth together to keep from agreeing.

Lucy saw the hesitation in his eyes, the uncertainty, and latched on to that, convincing herself that it was okay, he was here because he wanted his ruination and she shouldn't feel bad for that. And yet, her greedy heart didn't think that was good enough. She needed affirmation. "Why did you really come here, Natsu?"

He stammered. "Because—"

She looked at him expectantly, eyes punching through his skin.

"Because I wanted to fight," he gasped out finally, grasping onto his anger frantically before it could slide away. It was a downwards spiral. _You shouldn't have come here_ , he scolded himself, seeing his error in too bright light. _Why did you come here_? Turning, he eyed the door, wondering if it wasn't too late to get out.

"Natsu..." Her fingers flitted nervously at her side, itching to touch him. "I think you're lying to me."

He turned back, unable to look away for long. "I suppose you would know, you're the queen of liars, right?" _Stay mad. You're here for one purpose_ , he thought. His head was fuzzy with Lucy and murky with alcohol; it made thinking very difficult.

"I suspect that's who I am now," she agreed and thought, _if that's so, if you already know you're bad, then why try to be good? Just take what he's so obviously proposing but too stubborn to offer. If he wants to throw himself at your feet…_

The urge took her to reach up and thread her fingers through his bright locks; she didn't stop herself, coming in nice and close, close enough she could smell his breath, overladen as it was with liquor, smell his skin, wood smoke and the remnants of whatever soap he'd used the night before.

It took a lot of effort to shrug off her hands. Somehow he managed. "Don't."

Lucy looked hurt. Then she squared her shoulders and the hurt was gone and a dark monster took its place. "You're the one here in my apartment." Her fingers fussed at her housecoat, pulling it wide enough to expose the tops of her breasts, like the material was too confining. "Stop pretending you only came here to fight."

Natsu would have buckled right there and then—her words hit solidly enough— then he noticed Lucy had a distant and vague smile on her mouth. Fury replaced his wild need for a moment. A moment was all it took to centre himself again long enough to choke out, "You're enjoying this."

"I guess," she said. The truth earned her a blood-quickening growl.

Natsu came forward in quick, agitated steps and herded her further into the room. "What did I ever do to you to deserve this, huh? I _liked_ you, Lucy." _Stop talking, stop coming further into her apartment, you're only making things worse._ But he couldn't stop himself, it was as if she were dragging him into her with every word.

"You still do," Lucy said, half playing. "Besides," she continued, sobering, "it's not like I meant for any of this to happen."

"So it was just a mistake, then?" He was possibly even more furious.

"I knew what I wanted when I asked you to stay," she said carefully.

Natsu's right fist caught flame. Her admission didn't make him feel better as he hoped it would. In fact, it only served to cloud his mind more. _She's lying_ , _she was just messing around and you just happened to be in the right place at the wrong time._ "You lie. I don't know what kind of game you're playing—"

Lucy edged closer to the volatile dragon slayer, his wrath making her skin prickle with hectic excitement. "You want to know why I think you're here, Natsu?"

He didn't. _Turn away, don't listen to her._

Before he could do either of those things, Lucy said, "I think you're here because you want to hear me say I want you again." She knew she was quite literally playing with fire but couldn't stop herself. He was so intense it hurt. Inside her body, small tendrils of magic were reacting towards his fury, making her brave and stupid and hot.

Natsu got quiet, struggling with his thoughts. She was right, cuttingly, horribly right. When he spoke, his voice was low and gravelly. "Do you?" As soon as the words were out he wished he could haul them back in. He didn't want to know, and yet, he never wanted to know anything so badly in his life.

 _So much._ Lucy bit her lip until it hurt to keep herself quiet. _There will be nothing decent left in him once you're through,_ she thought with a random streak of compassion. Instead of answering, she made herself say, "I don't know if I think you should be here."

Natsu growled and drew in close so he was nose to nose with her. She smelled like headiness, he smelled like rage and alcohol. He wasn't at all happy with her answer. "Stop playing games with me, Lucy."

"I'm not trying to." She breathed too heavily from her nose. He was worming his way under her skin. Her resistance was turning to ash, weak and powdery; the slightest breeze would brush it all away. She pulled at the neck of her housecoat, dragging it down a little further.

Natsu couldn't stop looking at all that exposed skin. He licked his lips nervously. "Stop." He didn't want her to stop. _Maybe she can keep going and you can make her hurt like you do._

"Do you hate me?" Lucy whispered. She asked it reverently, as if she hoped very much the answer was yes.

"More than I've ever hated anyone." _Make her hurt._ His hand snaked out without his permission and grabbed her roughly by the waist. On contact, the flames he'd been nursing extinguished. He pulled her in tight enough and abrupt enough that Lucy squeaked.

 _What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?_

Touching her was a _bad_ idea.

To sooth himself—to _fool_ himself—he thought, _I'm proving a point._ Again and again he chanted stubbornly that he just wanted the opportunity to do to her what she had done to him, mix her up and leave her high and dry. Maybe afterwards, he'd find someone else to fuck, drag them to her front door and…

And…

And nothing.

 _You won't do it._ But he was furious enough to _think_ about doing it.

Lucy's skin was far too hot to be comfortable. The more Natsu struggled, the more excited she became, and now, with his arms wrapped around her middle, it was an easy thing to convince herself that he wanted her to touch him. Her fingers brushed his cheek and he let out a small, pained sigh. It brushed against her hand and she was for a moment truly sorry she had hurt him, and sorrier still that she was likely going to do so again.

Leaning in, she pressed her cheek against his, taking in his smoky scent. The darkness inside her lifted its head and prodded at her skin excitably. She wanted to let it loose so bad that it hurt. _He's your best friend, are you so willing to kill him for just a moment of release? You can still stop this. You're not_

 _A slave._

That uncontrolled power was climbing through her and she didn't know how much longer she could hold it off for, especially if he kept touching her.

 _If it escapes and kills him, can you lie about his death to the police, too?_ The thought made her sick with excitement and fear. She let out a low moan, caught somewhere between exultation and dismay.

Hearing that, Natsu's whole body tightened. Touching her had been the crowning mistake on top of a long, colourful list of mistakes, because now that his hands were on her he couldn't take them off, and when she moaned... _Gods._ He fisted his hand in the fabric of her housecoat, feeling the uppermost curve of her behind.

"Natsu…" she breathed his name achingly soft.

Natsu's body hardened painfully. "I do want this," he affirmed, though it cost him something to admit it. His hand dropped lower on its own accord and squeezed her giving flesh.

A sigh slipped out, shaking and excited. He was so hard, she could feel his body digging into her hip like a promise of what she could have if she just opened her mouth and said the right words. The knowledge made her chest tight with wild, corrupted want. She imagined locking her fingers in his hair and kissing him, rage and all. "I want you, too," she said in a breathy voice and knew it was the right thing to say.

Natsu dropped his lips to her neck and whispered, "Don't fuck with me," against her flesh.

Lucy's body broke out in goose bumps. She pulled herself from that desire-induced fog long enough to lean back and catch his dark eyes with hers.

"If…" _Gods. What am I saying?_ _Shut up, shut up, shut up and leave._ He couldn't. "If I do this …" He let go of her behind and brought his hand around to her front where his fingers slid down the open V of her housecoat. Lucy quivered and arched into him. "I don't want to stop. I don't want you brushing me aside," he squeezed her breast until it hurt, until she gasped and grabbed his bicep between her fingers, "just so you can ask someone else to finish you off." He swallowed the anger that rose with that thought. It tasted bitter all the way down.

 _Not to stop_. She felt magic like a sea of black waste inside, fighting to get out. If she was with Natsu, could she keep it together and not roll him under a tide of death? She didn't know. Before she could think of a logical response, Natsu's hand slipped distractingly underneath her housecoat and rubbed her already hard nipple. Lucy caught her breath.

"Well?" He pinched. For the first time in days he felt like he was in control, her face was slacked, her mouth was parted, her skin was flushed with excitement. It felt like a victory, a small, twisted victory that let him continue.

"I…" Lucy knew she should say no and push him away. His other hand pushed the bottom fold of her housecoat aside and gently petted between her legs, barely brushing over her body. Her muscles contracted almost painfully.

"It's an easy answer, Lucy," he breathed and rubbed faster, harder.

She panted and moaned, unable to hold it in. with his hands on her like that she was the wickedest kind of girl. "Yes."

"Yes?" He worked his fingers quicker over her body, slipping between her folds. Her skin was suddenly warm. "Say it."

"Yes—I promise not to stop!" she gasped. It was too late now anyway, she couldn't have turned him away if she tried.

* * *

 **A/N:**

Guest who commented as Anon: I can't open those links you gave me, FanFiction blocks them. Maybe try splitting the url so they come through?

Also, all, my book is released! Find it on Amazon: The Abolition of Caden Hail by Kaitlin Corvus if you're interested or know anyone that might be :)


	10. Chapter 10

He wasn't as gentle as he could have been—as he would have been had he not been utterly blind with wanting her. As it was, he pushed her up against her dresser hard enough to send bottles of perfume, makeup and hairspray flying. The articles clattered to the ground and rolled across the stained floor. Lucy didn't seem to mind. She caught his mouth with hers and kissed him frantically, needing to be closer than close. Natsu's hands worked at her housecoat, fingers fumbling with the tie at the front. Frustrated when it didn't immediately loosen, his hands caught flame and burned through the fabric.

Lucy startled back and said, "Careful," without any conviction behind the word, for the fear had retreated. It was just something automatic and human that flew out of her mouth in the midst of mindless want.

"Shut up," he told her and fiercely pulled the pink fabric aside, needing to see what was underneath. So much pale skin. He groaned, eyes drawn first to her rose-tipped breasts, and touched them forcibly with too-hot fingers.

Though his hands burned, Lucy didn't pull away, both enjoying the pain and needing to keep herself as still as possible; even the slightest movement now could have that killing magic erupting from her body and putting an abrupt end to what was sure to be an exciting night. _Just hold on until later. You can let it out after. Take what he's giving to you and then you can have some release._ The blackness quieted a little, the promise of later destruction placating it just enough that she was able to reach out and tuck her fingers inside Natsu's shirt. He gasped and pinched her breasts when her skin touched his. She squirmed, a half smile on her lips, then pushed his hands aside. Natsu growled and tried to come back.

"Wait," she commanded.

"No, you said—" he began.

"I want to see you," she cut him off and tugged at his shirt for emphasis.

"Oh," he replied, feeling abashed. She wasn't pushing him away, she wanted more of him.

When she grinned and yanked at his shirt again he helped her by lifting his arms above his head. Lucy threw the clothing haphazardly on the floor and marvelled at his exposed chest. Tracing her finger down the centreline of his body was a breath-holding experience, one that required concentration as she sketched a line between his pectorals, over his abs, then skimmed the waistline of his pants. She loved the way he looked, tightly chorded muscles, scars from various scuffles, hardened and dangerous. She loved that he was letting her touch him like this. She loved that he twisted and groaned and pressed so hard against his pants. She loved the control he gave to her without even realizing he was giving anything away. It was the closest thing to real love she had ever gotten, though it was all wrapped up in shadowy, violent want and too-little thought.

While she touched him, Natsu reveled in the dusky, hungry look in Lucy's eye. She was going to take him apart piece by piece that look said, and he would gladly lay down for the suffering he was about to endure, if it meant that he could do what he wanted to her.

When Lucy's fingers hesitated over the waist of his pants, he moved in closer and flicked his tongue against her lips. She opened for him, enjoying his alcohol-laden kiss.

His mouth still on hers, Natsu pushed her housecoat the rest of the way from her shoulders. It fell to their feet, forgotten. She was insistent in the way she kissed him, demanding his attention and demanding that his mouth hover over hers. It took wrapping his hand in her hair and holding her in place for him to be able to pull back and appreciate her. Pale skin, halo of blonde hair, fever-bright cheeks and dark, dark eyes.

His body pulsed painfully. Releasing her, he pushed aside her teasing fingers and undid his pants, desperate to have more skin against her. Before he could fully work them over his thighs, she grabbed his erection, skin against skin. Natsu caught his breath and gripped the band of his pants so tightly his bones creaked.

Nothing escaped Lucy's attention. Seeing him struggle made her purr darkly, pleased with herself. Whispering his name, she massaged his hardness.

Looking at her from between his lashes, Natsu saw that for a moment her pale skin was dark and shifting, as if something was working through her. He almost pulled back—normal girls didn't do things like that, their skin didn't flit between alabaster white and inky black—but then he was bombarded with a slew of sensation as Lucy came in and nipped her teeth over his neck. Her fingers squeezed tighter around him, her other hand pushing down the back of his pants to grab his ass tightly. Natsu made himself let go of the material and kick his way out of the pant legs, his movements awkward and frantic, not nearly as cool and collected as he had always imagined them being. He was too lost in Lucy to care though. He pulled the girl tight against his chest, enjoying the way her skin cooled his. Then he fisted his hands in her hair and pulled her head aside just far enough so he could run his tongue from the edge of her shoulder all the way up to her earlobe. He bit her there, her earring digging into his tongue. All he tasted was copper and iron and skin. Lucy shivered, her hands finding their way up his body to his shoulders and then Natsu was suddenly being bullied back towards her bed.

"We have to do this now," Lucy murmured, her voice barely a breath as it left her lips. She squeezed his shoulders almost painfully while an intense chill rocked through her. Her breath stuttered and stalled and something cold brushed against Natsu's chest. The area went startlingly numb.

"Ow, what was that?" he asked. When he tried to touch the spot, Lucy grabbed his wrist and pulled his fingers towards her mouth, tongue flicking out to caress them. Natsu moaned and forgot about the pain between his ribs. Inside her mouth was soft and velvety and he couldn't help but imagine what it would feel like working over other parts of his body.

She pulled away and panted. "Hurry, Natsu." _Gods._

Her voice was hectic and frantic and fraught. It punched through him and consumed him like wildfire searing through a dead, dry forest. When she laid her freezing hands against his bare chest and urged him backwards with quick little shoves, he nearly tripped in his haste to obey. He righted himself and saw it was a desiccated orchid he had stumbled on, it's leaves black and crumbling. He opened his mouth to question what happened to it, but Lucy came back for his lips again and the question died.

The mattress hit the backs of his legs and she pushed him down flat on her bed, then climbed atop of him, her legs brushing against his, her breasts skimming ever so gently over his body. He gasped for air, his excitement making him nearly blind. Lucy hesitated above his stomach before grazing her tongue gently over his muscles in slow, teasing circles. Her hands were back around his shaft. For a girl that was in such a rush seconds before, she pumped in frustratingly leisured movements.

It still felt amazing. Too amazing.

Natsu swallowed back a loud moan and fisted his hands in her gold locks. He didn't have to tell her what to do. She shimmied down further on her own accord and took him into her mouth. Her lips were cool but her tongue was almost burning hot, even for a fire mage. Natsu released her hair and weaved his hands in his own unruly locks, his palms pressing into his eyes until he saw spots.

"Fuck," he swore. Lucy moaned, the sound muffled around his body. Natsu's head rolled back and he released a warbling breath. Any apprehension he felt earlier was buried under the sensation of Lucy's mouth working over him. He laid back and let her do what she wanted until she pulled away and panted, the sound too rough, as though she were struggling with something particularly troublesome. Natsu moved his hands from his eyes and found her in the dimly lit apartment. Perched above his body, her skin was duskier than it should have been, eyes dark-liquored, mouth slightly parted in a moan. One hand was between her legs, the other cupping her breast and pinching. He took her in and committed that view to memory; she looked temptatious and sultry; like everything he had ever wanted.

He sat up and grabbed her by her thighs. Her eyes opened, startled, and then a slow smile curved her lips. "Natsu," she said his name fervently, and almost like she'd forgotten he was there. His body pulsed again. He kissed his name from her lips and pulled her up further so she was properly on his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and shimmied so their bodies were inches from each other.

"Tell me you want this."

"I already did—" he mumbled into her mouth.

"Tell me again. I need to know for sure," she interjected.

Natsu pressed his face into her neck and smelled the heady syrupy scent rising from her skin. It made him dumb with need. "I want this," he affirmed and meant what he said.

Lucy's sigh came out resigned. "I was afraid of that."

Natsu paused. "What does that mean?

"Kiss me," she said by explanation.

When he opened his mouth to object again, Lucy lowered herself on top of him, thoroughly severing any thoughts in his mind. He squeezed her hips and did as she asked, kissing her until it became too painful, until his lips burned with cold and he had to pull away. Lucy pushed him back onto her bed and pinned him there with two artic hands against his chest and did what she had been too afraid to do the night before, no longer caring what came afterwards.

He filled her up like Zeref wouldn't. It wasn't the same, and yet it was. It satiated _something_ in her, at least.

She moved faster. Beneath her body, Natsu's hands were back in his hair, his head was tipped back so it looked like he should be staring at the opposite wall, though Lucy knew he'd never taken his eyes from her. He peaked at her from between thick lashes, maybe wondering what it was she'd become, because she could feel the magic struggling through her, tainting her skin black, maybe thinking of nothing much at all, just revelling like she wanted him to. If Natsu Dragneel died tonight, he would die happy, or a close approximation thereof. There was that, at least.

On her periphery, she felt Zeref, too. There was no doubt in her mind that he knew what she was doing. That he watched. That he was furious, but that he actually sort of enjoyed it, too. Every time she brought herself down on Natsu and cried out too loudly, she felt the electric thrill that went through the demon king. He didn't want to enjoy it. _That_ tidbit of information only made Lucy hotter. Pleased and feeling almost like she was having both of them, she sat up straighter, positioning Natsu so he was hitting a spot that made her sweat and shake and moan, and had him that way until chills took her and a powerful orgasm crashed through her body.

Small tendrils of black magic took advantage of her break in concentration and leaked into Natsu's chest. He winced again, but didn't voice his complaint this time, the power brought him to the precipice and Lucy's scratching nails, her hot sighs, and her pulsing body took him and threw him over. He came, black spots appearing in front of his eyes, and took his hands out of his hair so he could hold her hips and keep himself buried deep inside of her.

Lucy felt everything, from his increased heartrate, to his throbbing erection, to the hot flush that overcame him when he orgasmed. In response, the magic pressed harder than ever at her control. Bits here and there escaped from her hands and shot into Natsu's chest. Each time it happened he hissed and moaned and grasped her hips tighter, not knowing what was happening but enjoying it; it made his orgasm last longer. Made it more intense.

Lucy let him writhe, too caught up in the sensation of the rolling power, too busy trying to keep it all inside, too busy gasping and silently praying that she wasn't about to kill him and struggling with half-wanting to, just to see if she could. The admission brought with it only the smallest bit of guilt, but the guilt made everything seem a little bit better. She was happy Natsu was beneath her, his eyes heavy-lidded, his fingers gripping her tightly. She was happy he was drawn to her inexorably. She was even a little bit happy that he seemed to suffer as much as he enjoyed.

Dropping down, she kissed the one final moan from his lips. he grasped her hair, pulling painfully. That was okay, the pain felt good, too.

Finally, panting, Natsu looked at her. Her skin was slicked with moisture, her eyes bright in the night. He took his hands from her body as if she had burned him, then threaded his fingers behind his head of pink hair and stared resolutely at the ceiling. He wouldn't meet Lucy's gaze when she tried to capture him with her eyes. She shrugged and leaned down to kiss him one last time. His lips were stiff against hers, as if he suddenly regretted what he had done. Instead of getting angry, she smirked.

"I'm going to shower," she said and climbed from his lap.

Natsu watched her go, thoughts whirling at break-neck speed. His body and mind fought viciously. He felt good, better than he had in days, but he also felt terrible, like he was coming down off of whatever high Lucy had him on and the comedown was rough. Everything was sliding back into place. He hadn't meant for this to happen when he came here. He was still riotously angry with her, and now he was furious with himself, too. Why did he have sex with her? He had planned on coming over here and… well, the whole thing had been a dumb idea anyway, but he certainly hadn't envisioned his ill-conceived plan to fight with her going so horribly awry.

 _I have to get out of here_ , he thought. _She did something to me, she tricked me_. He thought back, _Lucy?_ Because Lucy would never do anything like that, not ever. But perhaps she would; he couldn't argue with the evidence. Something was very, very different about her, and now that his senses were slowly coming back, he noticed that her subtle smell was wrapped up with something sick and familiar, something that was as enticing as it was terrifying, but it was just different enough that he couldn't quite place it.

As soon as the bathroom door closed behind the blonde, Natsu rose and began gathering his things, moving quick enough that he tripped over tipped bottles of beauty products, too loud in the quiet apartment. He winced, thinking she was going to come out and see what he was doing, slinking away behind her back like a coward, but then her shower turned on, muffling his movements and he moved faster, shoving his legs haphazardly into his pants and throwing his shirt on both backwards and inside out. He gave one last look at her trashed apartment, then leapt out the window.

* * *

From the washroom, Lucy heard Natsu crashing about. She even thought she knew what he planned on doing. She considered stopping him, talking to him, convincing him to stay just a little longer just because the magic wanted him, but there was still a shred of her old self. She couldn't ask him to leave. She wouldn't ask him to stay, though. If he knew enough to save himself, then he should be allowed to do it.

Zeref's magic was pricking at her, uncomfortably hot. It wanted out, otherwise it would tear her apart and there would be nothing left.

Standing under the hot shower spray, she let the first wave of blackness shake through her. It was so forceful, all she could do was gasp and lean back against the cold wall. Tears pricked her eyes. It hurt to let it go after so long holding it in. The shadows trundled across the tile, played through the water like tangible things, and seeped through the floor. She felt the woman downstairs clutch her heart. She felt her breath stutter in her lungs, felt her choke and gasp and then fade away. She tried to care, but the release was too intense, too gratifying. _It doesn't matter. It's not Natsu, you're okay._ She told herself again and again that this was exactly who she was and she shouldn't feel guilty for it. It was easy to convince herself.

Until the air before her shimmered and Loke came into being. She pulled back on the magic, dismayed.

He stood in her shower looking out of place in his black suit. It dampened and stuck to his body, but he didn't try to move. His hair was as unruly as ever, the burnt orange locks sticking up at odd angles. He had abandoned his glasses so his hazel eyes tunnelled into Lucy's with an intensity that was difficult to ignore.

"Loke," she greeted, only half surprised to see him. She suspected that he'd make an appearance after _that_ fiasco—there wasn't much she could hide from her spirits, they were connected in ways even she didn't fully understand—though she didn't suspect it would be so soon, and in such a… awkward place.

His skin rolled with black like hers had. It was gone again almost before she'd really registered it, though she thought she'd know the feeling of Zeref anywhere. His magic was invading Loke as it was her. The thought pleased her. The thought made her ill. Pleasure was a heavier hitter. "How's the shoulder?"

His eyes roved briefly over her nude body. When he looked at her again, his cheeks were only slightly pink. "Fine, no thanks to you."

It was a lie, she knew. If it was fine, he wouldn't be sewn together with bits of black thread. She let it go. "I didn't think you were the type to crawl into girl's showers."

Loke blushed for real this time, his neck high with colour. "I needed to talk to you and this was the best time."

"I doubt that," Lucy said flippantly, feeling in control once more.

Loke ground his teeth together. "When was better? When you were manipulating your friend into sleeping with you, or when you were fucking shadows?"

Magic roared up in her, violent and sweet. "That's none of your business."

Loke's eyes widened. He bit his cheek to keep himself stable. Where was the girl he was contracted to? Where had Lucy Heartfilia gone and who stood before him now?

Lucy closed her eyes and pulled back on the magic that wanted to tear her spirit apart. She could feel Zeref on the other end of that, obviously piqued. Unable to help herself, she prodded at the demon king and received a hot poker of darkness straight in her chest for her efforts. She groaned and doubled over, clutching the place.

"Lucy!" Loke came forward under the spray of water and grabbed her by the elbows. "Are you alright?" For a moment he was well and truly scared, believing that this was it, that the magic was going to tear her apart right in front of his eyes. He couldn't watch it, couldn't stand to see her die. _Not yet, not yet, not yet,_ he pleaded to any god that would listen. _I just need a little more time. Please_.

"Lucy, answer me!" He hated the way his voice warbled, fear strung through every chord.

Lucy clenched her hand over her heart one more time, gasping. Loke pulled her upright so she was looking into his too-pale face. "Tell me you're okay."

She closed her eyes for a millisecond to get herself under control. The pain was gradually fading. She didn't know if that meant that Zeref had forgiven her or if he simply was waiting to come to her in person to punish her appropriately. She wondered what that entailed, if he truly was going to kill her this time as he had threatened before. She met Loke's eyes and blinked twice, trying to orient herself. She was so close to him that she could feel his breath breaking over her skin.

"I'm alright," she managed.

"Bullshit. What was that?" the spirit demanded.

Lucy clutched her fingers into his bicep and pushed out her borrowed magic, searching for Zeref. "Nothing," she practically moaned, both terrified and desperate, needing to know if she was about to be ended by him or if he was going to let this night pass in silence. What was better? Seeing him. Definitely. Even if it meant dying.

"Lucy," Loke said seriously. There was something in his voice that made her loose the magic and look into his dark eyes. "Lucy, are you _calling_ for him?"

She shook her head wildly, damp hair sticking to her pallid cheek.

"Don't _lie_ ," he spat.

"I'm _not_ ," she said defensively, but it was a weak argument. He saw right through her.

"I'm telling Natsu what you've done. I thought—hoped—that maybe you'd make the right choice and do it yourself, but you're too far gone." He scolded himself for waiting so long, but he hadn't been in his right mind. Still wasn't. It was easy to want to fall into that darkness with Lucy. It felt terrible, but it felt good, too.

"You can't tell him," Lucy said after a beat.

"Are you going to do it?" Loke wondered, not really expecting a yes.

"Loke…" she tried to plead with him. He looked back at her with hard eyes. A small bead of water caught on his rigid jaw and rolled to his chin. It trembled then fell, getting lost in the cool stream as it swirled ever downwards. Lucy felt like that drop of water, caught up in the mix.

"He'll hate me," she said finally.

"Maybe," Loke agreed.

She didn't want Natsu to hate her. She met his eyes. "I know you don't really want to do this."

"And _that's_ where you're wrong," the spirit told her.

Lucy shook her head. "I know you kind of like it, just like I do. It hurts, yeah, but…" She reached out and felt the darkness within him, teasing it to the surface.

But it was absolutely intoxicating. Loke closed his eyes. "Stop."

"Look at me."

Loke shook his head stubbornly.

"I don't want to get better, and neither do you. Just stay with me, Loke. We don't have to argue about this. Nothing has to change." She found his hand and squeezed it. An electric shock shot through the spirit, weakening his resolve even further. _I thought you were feeling so righteous. I thought you were coming here to convince her? I thought you were coming here to threaten to oust her secret so she'd do it herself?_

Yes.

Her fingers snuck up his arm. "Loke."

Her voice was sweet poison.

"Loke, look at me."

He opened his eyes, unable to disobey her command. Darkness bled through her skin. Loke caught his breath. She looked as beautiful as she did rotten. Darkness could suit her, if she let it. _It could suit us._ He clenched his fingers tighter around her elbows and watched her expression turned introspective and calculating. Loke didn't know if that was any better or not.

He decided not a second later when she wrenched her arm out of his grasp and pushed up against him.

Further corrupting Loke in mind, dark magic played at her fingertips. Faintly, Lucy wondered if Zeref was going to be even angrier with her for this or if it mattered. If he was coming to end her, she might as well try, just to see what it was like, and if he forgave her, well, she wasn't put out by it.

"Lucy," Loke gasped as the magic pricked him. "That hurts."

There was a flash where Lucy was her old self. "I don't want to hurt you, Loke."

"Then don't," he replied as evenly as possible. It was hard to think with her throbbing with horrifying magic power and pushing against him naked. He scolded himself for thinking about that right now, but it was difficult to ignore. Especially when she twisted her fingers in his hair. "Let go—" he started, but was cut off when she raised on tiptoe and crushed her mouth to his, magic bleeding between them. He was still for a moment, temporarily weak. Then he kissed her back, the barest movement of his lips against hers. Then reason trickled through and he hauled himself away. There wasn't anywhere to go, not with the shower wall at his back, but he tried all the same. Lucy looked at him with feverish eyes, a wild, whimsical smile on her lips.

"What the fuck?" Loke demanded and rubbed the back of his shaking hand dazedly against his mouth. It didn't matter how much he wiped, he still tasted her there like an invitation to everything he had ever fantasized about, and he would for a long, long time. His blood was excited, the blackness in him writhing, hungry. What made it even worse was that he knew all he had to do was bring her back for more and she'd offer it. _This isn't how I imagined kissing her_ , he reminded. _She's not herself. Be stronger than that_. He managed to straighten out his thoughts by reminding himself he wasn't the only one Lucy had been with that night.

"Loke," Lucy said. "Just trust me." All she had to do was force Zeref's magic through him. It wouldn't kill him, he was immortal. He could withstand it in a way she was afraid Natsu couldn't.

"You're all messed up, Lucy," he said in a shaking voice.

Her lips straightened. "Are you scared of me?" she whispered.

"I'm scared _for_ you," he told her, but those words didn't even sound true to his own ears. He was terrified of what she had become, of what she was becoming still, of what he wanted to become _with_ her. There was still a long way for Lucy Heartfilia to drop. _It's your job to stop her,_ he told himself. _It's your job to bring her back, remind her of who she is. Not fall with her._

"You don't have to be scared," Lucy told him. "I could never hurt you, not for real, not on purpose."

There was a hint of the old Lucy Loke knew. He latched on to that. "I know you don't want to hurt me, and none of your friends either. That's why I'm going to tell Natsu everything."

"Everything?" she asked emotionlessly.

He nodded.

"You can't," she said. "Loke, please!"

Loke shrugged out of her grasp and pushed her back. "You'll thank me after."

He was already fading away. Rage shot up inside of her. "Don't!" she tried to grasp the place where he had been but he slipped through her fingers. When that didn't work she loosed a harsh and hungry blade of power. It severed through the portal Loke had imagined into being. She thought she heard him gasp somewhere inside that magical field and hoped she hurt him enough to stop him from bringing her world down around her ears. She scoffed at that thought; things were already so far out of hand that she didn't recognize Lucy Heartfilia anymore.

As if to solidify that fact, the atmosphere pulsed and tightened and she knew Zeref was nearby. Her heart hammered in her chest, nervous and excited. For a breath both Natsu and Loke were shoved from her mind. She tried to find the demon king in all the magic that connected them. She felt him, he was angry and full of purpose and determinedly ignoring her while he dealt with whatever it was that made him so blind with ire.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm still a sucker for Loke. Haters gonna hate, hate, hate. I won't apologize.


	11. Chapter 11

Natsu stumbled down the street, face pulled taut in an expression of concentration to keep himself upright, and self-loathing. Lucy played him like a fiddle; he could see that now. Shirt askew, belt of his pants loose, he tried not to trip over his own feet, still partially drunk and clumsy with exhaustion. He didn't know where he walked to, maybe home, maybe Fairy Tail, maybe to the river or to a bar to drown out his shame.

The air before him shimmered with grey, yet familiar light as a celestial portal opened. The portal itself was muted and small, and when Loke tumbled out of it clutching his side, Natsu saw why. The spirit was injured, a gash opened over his ribs where red leeched out and stained his hand. His hair and clothes were damp and his face was pale. He moaned and sweated on the ground, his eyes half-blanked and dull.

"Holy shit," Natsu cursed, sobering slightly. "What happened?" Then, "Is Lucy alright?" He looked back towards her apartment. He couldn't see it any longer, there were too many buildings in the way, but he wasn't far if she needed help.

Loke groaned and pushed himself up by the palms of his hands. "She's okay." Kind of. On his knees, he pinched the wound at his side and winced. Black tendrils were moving through him at lightning speed. It hurt. His head was foggy; Lucy had gotten him good, first with the kiss and then with the attack... Zeref's magic was filling him up.

With Loke's words, Natsu relaxed for a second, then his alcohol-slow brain started churning and he sharpened his gaze. "If Lucy is okay then what happened to you?"

Loke struggled to his feet and cringed around the blooming pain. His vision blurred.

When the spirit didn't answer right away, Natsu pressed. "Who attacked you?" It wasn't the first time he had seen Loke in a similar condition.

Loke met the dragon slayer's eyes steadily and wondered how he could say what needed to be said. _Just spit it out,_ he thought. There was no easy way to admit his master was falling into darkness. _Falling? Fallen?_ "Lucy did this."

"Lucy?" Natsu spat out. "No."

Loke winced as a particularly strong wave of pain crashed over him. "It's true."

"Why?" he asked incredulously. And not only why, but, " _How_?"

"She's not herself."

Natsu gave pause and met Loke's eyes in the late night dark. His heart hammered as the spirit echoed his earlier thoughts. "I know," he said finally. "But why...?" Lucy loved her spirits, every single one of them, even pervy Taurus. Why would she attack Loke when they had such a strong bond?

Loke let out a shaky breath. "Days ago when the sky was bleeding," Natsu, remembering all too well the scarlet sky, listened more sharply. "I told you she made a deal," Loke continued. "A deal to save you all from Shadow Father."

He'd forgotten with everything else… The air seemed thin. "What kind of deal?"

Loke said in a rush, "A bargain for the power to destroy the demon that her mother Layla could not."

"No," he said again, as if the denial carried any kind of weight. "She said Zeref had killed the demon."

Loke looked at him straight-faced.

"Lucy lied to me?" That shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. "Wait." He pieced together Loke's words, " _She_ killed it?"

"Yes. And that's not the only thing she's lied about," the lion said. "She's been—"

Natsu never got to learn what Lucy had been doing. An oppressive magic filled the air, thoroughly grinding their conversation to a halt.

"Shit," Loke cursed.

His smell hit the dragon slayer, familiar and choking and startling. Where Lucy had hurt his chest earlier burned. Clutching the place, he gasped and breathed through his mouth, scouring the gloom for the dark wizard. Suddenly, all of the shadows were alive and writhing. Zeref was everywhere and nowhere at all.

Loke's light magic flooded the night, not nearly as bright as he planned. It was hard to draw any magic, injured as he was, and the need to wring out vast quantities to defend against Zeref had him overexerting himself. He ground his teeth together and fought off a wave of dizziness as he readied for the attack that was surely coming.

Natsu followed suit, calling fire to his hands, not imagining that Zeref was there just to say hello. "What's Zeref doing here?" The black wizard was angry, his mood a palpable thing that swelled through the empty streets and made Natsu's skin crawl. Feeling all that power, terror moved through his body. He considered adding Zeref to the list of things he feared, but he refused to be cowed by a single man. _Demon king_ , his mind corrected unhelpfully. _Shut up and focus._ It was difficult to narrow in on Zeref's location. His scent filled the whole street, his shadows wriggled in every corner. Somewhere someone screamed. The sound cut off prematurely.

"Keep your guard up," Loke urged in a strained voice.

Natsu grunted a reply and turned his back to the lion. "Are you good enough to fight?" _Am_ I _,_ he questioned himself; it was hard to stand, alcohol tripping him up. Fear made it possible, though.

Loke was silent for a beat too long.

"Loke?"

"Just watch your own skin," Loke bit out. "I'll be fine."

Natsu loosed a noisy breath from his nose and clenched his fist. Fire blind, he couldn't see a damn thing beyond the circle of his magic. The moon, bright a second ago, hid its face behind the clouds as if frightened by what came next.

A whine saturated the atmosphere, making Natsu's arm hair stand on end. Coldness swept through the streets next, extinguishing his fire with a breath of artic air. His hands numbed. Something knocked into his shoulder hard and then suddenly he was staring at the midnight sky. His breath exploded out of his lungs and he could do nothing but gasp like a land-stranded fish there on his back. His vision blurred and his body chilled as an army of shadows rolled over him on a purposeful hunt. They were never ending. Loke screamed, torn off his feet as well and dragged several feet away.

 _Don't just lay there._ Fire erupted from his body in spurts, suffocated, then reignited in a bout of frustration. Enough shadows were scared away that he was able to scramble to his knees and turn towards the lion spirit, flames in hand. Loke was buried under an impenetrable wall of black. Natsu threw fire haphazardly, not really caring if it burned Loke or not. A few singed hairs were surely better than whatever was happening beneath that writhing wall.

On impact, one of the living ink blots screamed and whipped around, rushing at Natsu faster than it had any right to. Colliding hard, Natsu was forced off his feet. He smacked against the ground, head whipping back, and again stared at the cloud-speckled sky for too long. Distantly, he heard Loke holler, and saw a weak wave of light.

 _Get the fuck up and help him._ More fire spurted to life, pushing back the darkness. He clambered to his feet, head spinning, and found Loke cocooned in an irritated mass that smelled so much like Zeref, it was overwhelming.

Another wave of fire sang over his skin as he struggled to Loke's side.

 _'Stay down, brother,'_ one shadow snipped out on the way by and pushed him roughly. Natsu tottered, then met the ground again, unable to keep himself up under the jostling wave. He got to his knees stubbornly.

 _'Down.'_ A shadow pierced through his shoulder, turning it completely numb. Looking down he expected to see blood, but it was dry. Just frozen. Another pierced through his middle, bringing with it pain. Howling like an animal, he forced fire to break over his whole body. It danced off the façade of buildings, it illuminated the ground, but it wouldn't touch the ball that encircled Leo the Lion.

All at once the shadows spoke in eerie unison, their voices quiet like they whispered secrets. ' _That's for thinking about her.'_

Loke yelled.

 _'That's for touching her.'_

He screamed again.

"Loke!" Natsu scrambled across the ground on hands and knees, finding the edge of the shadows and pushing his way _through._ It was harder than he thought; they were way more corporeal than they should have been, and every time he touched them, his skin ached. He was a bull, though, determined. He slipped through an opening and came into a shadow-made dome. Inside was illuminated by Natsu's fire and the weak light that seeped from the spirit. Loke was strung up, levitated by his arms and legs and held in place by the living darkness.

' _That's for thinking you could be just like her.'_ A tendril stabbed through his middle, beside where Lucy had gotten him just moments before. Loke tried to double over but couldn't. Natsu surged forward to help, fire burning a hole through the black, but tendrils wrapped around his hands and legs, and forced him to the ground. The fall down was long and hard without being able to catch himself.

 _'That's for enjoying it,'_ the shadows continued, oblivious to the interruption.

Darkness consolidated and became humanoid. Zeref looked out at the spirit with eyes burning with hatred.

 _'And this is for kissing her.'_

Magic swelled and reached an unbearable crescendo. Loke's fingers twitched uselessly at his side. He could do nothing but meet Zeref's wrath head on. He had no defense, not enough magic to go back to the spirit world, not enough magic to fight back. He would be destroyed in the physical realm, forced to pull himself back together bit by bit in the celestial world, and he didn't know how long that would take. He felt something hot and familiar tugging at his spirit, something warm and compassionate, something he hadn't felt in days and knew his gate was being forced closed without his consent. Somehow, Lucy knew what was happening and was pushing him back through before too much harm could come to him. He didn't have time to thank her because she was a beat too slow. Blackness lanced from Zeref into his chest and all he saw was blinding white.

Natsu cussed and yelled and fought out of the shadow's grip. He only made it to his knees again when Zeref wheeled on him, fingers in a tight fist, and punched him squarely in the jaw. The dragon slayer saw black.

* * *

Lucy shook violently. Though only days had passed, it was difficult to grasp the magic she once used; it felt nearly lost to her. One thing remained strong, though: her connection with Loke. Through it, she felt Zeref's rage—wasn't that something to behold?—and Loke's pain.

She scrabbled to force his gate closed with all her might before Zeref could really hurt him. And it was working. Until the demon king realized what she was doing and ended the torture there, breaking Loke into small pieces and banishing him back from whence he came. As though it were _her_ that were actually in the line of fire, Lucy felt everything. The cold in her chest, Loke's fear, the strange dispersal of his body. And then nothing, except the key in her hand burning through her skin. She dropped it and watched it brand the floor.

Looking at it, she laughed manically. Then she screamed in frustration, grabbed the nearest thing to her hand—her lamp—and threw it against the wall. It crashed; the lightbulb broke into a thousand tiny pieces. It still wasn't enough. She moved on to her dresser, sending flying hair spray and makeup and hairbrushes.

The shadows in the darkest corner of her bedroom began to thrash excitedly. Lucy stopped wrecking all of her things and turned her anger to a more appropriate place.

When Zeref stepped out of that pulsing mass, Lucy stalked over to him, hands clenched into tight fists, and swung unthinkingly. Zeref caught her fist like he'd been expecting the attack, fingers biting into her bones. He held her there.

"Don't." In that one word was so much anger.

Instead of balking, she swung again with her free hand. He caught that too and held her with hands like iron manacles.

Lucy kicked him hard in the shin. Zeref showed her his teeth and commanded his shadows to wrap her up tight, one sliding around her throat, three more around her legs, rooting her in place.

"You had no right," Lucy spat when she could attack no more.

Zeref peered back at her with midnight eyes, colder than ever. "This has gone on too long. I should kill you."

There was no fear in her eyes, only obstinacy, and didn't he admire her for that? _Just do it. Stop praising her. Stop talking about it and do it._ His hands remained still, the shadows around her throat tight, but not choking.

When Lucy's anger tried to be replaced by something else, she thought, _remember Loke_. Loke, who was guilty of no crime other than trying to be her friend. Loke, who loved her, Loke, who she had wanted to kiss because she was selfish and couldn't seem to help herself. Loke, who she wanted to be just like her. _Gods_. Her guilt and fear was already fading. If only he hadn't disappeared. What would have happened if she was allowed to force Zeref's magic through him?

"Stop thinking of him!" Zeref hissed, reading her thoughts clearly.

She still squirmed, heart beating erratically, Loke's face in her mind's eye, his skin alive with blackness, his hands on her body—

"I said _stop_." Zeref squeezed her wrists until it hurt, setting her skin to roiling.

His voice cracked through her. Lucy swallowed hard. Self-righteous anger fell to the wayside, Loke temporarily forgotten, replaced by Zeref. Always Zeref. "I'm sorry."

His eyes flashed dangerously. "You're not," he said. "Not yet."

No, she wasn't really. Squirming against her bonds, she longed to be closer to the dark wizard. "Give me something else to think about then." If her hands were free she'd be reaching for him.

Without being asked, Zeref obeyed Lucy's unescapable gravity, bringing his face within inches of hers. She still smelled like Natsu. He didn't know how he felt about the revelation; his knuckles still smarted where they'd met his brother's jaw. He wasn't very sorry for that either. This close, looking into Lucy's dark eyes, he wasn't entirely sure if he was going to kill her where she stood for the crime of driving him insane, or if he wanted to show her all the ways that she should be his.

"How could you?" The words were out of his mouth before he could think better of them, before he could decide what they meant.

"How could I _what_?"

"How could you kiss him?" He wanted to cut his fool tongue out of his head for speaking, but there was no sense, the words were already out.

Lucy's anger came roaring back. "How could _I_? How could _you_ do that to him _?_ Loke is _mine."_ She felt so possessive of him, even after he tried to bring everything down around her. _And what of Natsu? Did he find him?_ That was a question better left for later.

"You're a greedy, evil girl, Lucy Heartfilia. First Natsu Dragneel, then Leo the Lion, and now—" He trailed off.

Lucy saw a hint of uncertainty in his eye and knew what he wanted to hear. "And now you." Zeref, the darkest, most intriguing wizard in the world, was insecure. A small part of her wanted to dig the knife in deeper just to see him suffer; a small part of her wanted to reassure him.

She waited for him to relax, yet her words didn't satiate his anger like they did Natsu's.

Zeref's brows knitted together, his mouth went flat. "You're supposed to be—" _Mine?_ _Is that what you're going to say_? He could hardly decide if he was going to allow her to draw breath one minute to the next, so how could she be his?

Lucy looked at him incredulously, piecing together what he was going to say. "If you want me, then stop ignoring me. It's that easy." Nothing was ever that easy, but again, she strived to say the right things. Anything to make him stay.

Zeref gave her a torn and tormented look. "You're a siren. A witch."

"I am what you made me to be."

He shook his head furiously. "I never wanted this." _No? You didn't want a girl all of your own? You didn't want to mould a demon that could stand to be near you_? _You didn't want it to be exactly_ this _girl after you kissed her?_

 _Yes. Yes. Yes._ He could tear out his hair and scrape the skin off his back and punish himself again and again, but it still wouldn't push Lucy from his mind.

 _I want her._ All for his own.

 _You made a promise to Layla…_ That was true, though it had never mattered less. He knew in his heart that he didn't want Lucy to get better, not really. He liked her just as she was.

"I can tell it's been hard on you too." Lucy worked her hand free of his hold and touched his cheek. His skin was smooth. "So why have you been ignoring me and attacking my spirit?"

 _Where is your anger?_ It was still there, simmering away. He wrapped it around himself like a shield. "The lion got less than he deserved. He'll be fine shortly while you made a fool out of—"

"He didn't—" _do anything,_ she had been about to say but the shadow cradling her throat migrated south and her arms were suddenly wrenched above her head, her body forced against the wall. Next her ankles snapped together, pinned in place. A surprised, ' _oof,'_ gushed from her lungs along with all her air.

Zeref was happy to see the shock in her eye. Feeling in control again he said, "He kissed you."

Lucy recovered. "And Natsu did worse." She took great pleasure saying that.

 _Natsu._ Yes. He was mad about that, too. But Natsu could be forgiven, in time. Zeref had taken more than enough from his little brother to make this concession.

"I knew you were watching," Lucy said when she saw his face smooth. "I knew you liked it."

Zeref went right back to scowling. "Shut up."

Her chest heaved. Her smile widened. "What was your favorite part?"

 _When she was touching herself, or when she climbed right on his lap and took what she wanted?_ Too clearly he could see her bare breasts bouncing, he could _hear_ her frenzied breath.

Zeref lifted his eyes to take her in and got harder than stone. She was feverish, desperate. Feeling his gaze, she bowed her back and her tank top pulled up to sit just under her breasts. The exposed skin of her belly looked pale and smooth. Before he could think better of it, Zeref let one of his shadows rove up her middle just to see her chest heave again. He wasn't disappointed by the breathy gasp that slipped between her lips. Just at her nipple, he pulled back then crossed his arms over his chest to keep from touching her further.

Lucy whimpered then begged, "Tell me."

"I said, shut up." Imagining her shaking and moaning by his own hands made his body throb, but watching her being ravished by someone else... Confused, he growled and said, "The last time we spoke, Lucy, you told me I was all you thought about."

She swallowed. "Yes."

Zeref ploughed on ahead, hating himself all the while but unable to stop the flow of words. "And I say, if that's so, then why am I sharing?"

He'd do it again in a heartbeat, not that he'd tell her that when she was trembling and looking just a _little_ morose for the first time in days. She had more than enough control over him.

"You wouldn't answer me."

"So you rush to anyone that will have you?" The words were _supposed_ to come out scathing and self-righteous, but they sounded pathetic even to his own ears.

Lucy was as sharp as a predator, sensing his weakness. "Are you jealous?" There was a small smile on her mouth, pleased by the thought.

Zeref considered her words. _Jealous?_ Absolutely not. "I have everything I want at my fingertips every second of every day, Lucy, all I have to do is take. Why would I be jealous?"

She grinned again, seeing inside of him for an instant. "Because you've never had this."

Zeref's expression twisted and she wondered if she had gone too far, if he was going to kill her right then and there and leave her strapped up for her friends to find days from now. The potential danger made her skin crawl not entirely unpleasantly.

She continued. "You don't have to be jealous. You could just _stop ignoring me_."

Zeref bit his tongue hard. _It could be that easy._

No.

"I stayed away because I thought maybe you would climb out of this miserable existence." He said the words, but only imagined her spiraling downwards, becoming just like him, full of the knowledge that he didn't want to be alone any more.

Lucy seemed to relax. "Is it easier if I tell you that I can't? Because I want to belong to you."

Those words… Zeref clenched his fingers, leaving half-moon crescents in his palms. "I—I made a promise."

"And you tried to uphold it," Lucy noted. "But I don't want you to stay away."

 _It really is that easy._ And yet… "The others… Natsu and Loke—"

"You _are_ jealous." She laughed. Zeref, the demon king…

Zeref scowled and tightened his grip on the shadows that held her until her smile faded and was replaced with a look of pain-tainted-pleasure. "You think this is funny?"

"Funny? No. Sweet."

 _Sweet._ He hadn't been accused of that in…

Gods. He couldn't remember. He considered slitting her throat right there. That would certainly quiet her, but the image it drew up didn't please him as he thought it would. If she was dead how could he take out his frustration on her?

Lucy fidgeted, loving that he was so angry. She could feel it rolling off of him and coaxing the magic between them into a twisted flurry. She continued to antagonize him. "What bothered you, Natsu, or me changing Loke?"

" _Neither._ "

" _Liar._ "

"You're not supposed to be like this!" Zeref finally raged, pushed to the brink.

Lucy rolled her head back and closed her eyes, sensing they were coming to the root of things. "Why not?"

"You were _pure_." Of course he wanted her to be as wretched as they came, he wanted her to be just like him, but the world _never_ gave him what he wanted. Zeref, the demon king, the man who dared to break the most fundamental laws of magic, was denied at every turn. It was just the way of things. He was meant to wander the earth with this curse as his penance until his little brother discovered the monster inside and finally put him out of his misery. In short, there were _rules._ Rules were good, rules were _perfect_ , that way, there was never any surprise. It had been that way for centuries. Except now. Lucy was breaking down every norm he ever had without effort.

He watched the girl struggle against her bonds, chest heaving, skin slicking with excited sweat, and decided that perhaps the world was punishing him more than he originally thought. Lucy Heartfilia had done nothing but make him miserable since the day he answered her call. He should have ignored her, he should have left the world to rot and suffer.

 _And why didn't you?_

Because if Shadow Father were to end the world, there would be nothing left for Zeref once he was through, no power to put him out of his immortal misery. Natsu would be dead while he lived on and on, with only a wretched demon for company.

His motives were selfish right to the end.

He finished by saying, "You're not supposed to be just like me." Wasn't she meant for better things?

"You _want_ me like this."

Zeref knew she was right, but it didn't make him less agitated. "Shut up."

Lucy ignored him. "I won't. Do you not want to see me like this because you're ashamed to see yourself reflected in what I've become?"

This new Lucy knew how to cut right to the bone. "I said be quiet."

"And I said no."

Zeref came in close, black magic pooled in his palm. "I can make you."

She stared at him obdurately. "Maybe you can, but you won't."

Sucking on a tooth, he considered calling her bluff. Then Lucy stretched forward as much as her living chains would allow and kissed him. It was slow, agonizing and sweet, full of want and promise. He kissed her back without even meaning to; she was difficult to ignore when they were so far apart, but here with her before him, so obviously full of want, she was impossible to turn away from.

She pulled back, her eyes still closed, and said, "I like being just like you." Her cheeks were rosy with need. "Don't ignore me anymore."

Zeref swallowed and felt his resolve wavering. "…Maybe I want you to belong to me." Admitting that was like peeling back his skin.

"I already do," she said soothingly. More than she could ever belong to anyone else.

"Only me. Natsu, Loke—"

Lucy fidgeted again, darkness roving over her skin. "You don't have to be jealous. You can give me what they can't."

He was hungry to find out exactly what she meant. "What's that?"

"I can't be as cruel to them as I want to be with you."

Her words made him hard. Maybe he could give her something that no one else could. _Maybe this is okay._ Wanting her _could_ be okay. Taking her… _It's exactly the kind of thing the world would expect from someone like you. Stop pretending to be better than you are._

Zeref licked his lips and drew nearer despite himself. "Your heart is black."

"The same colour as yours," Lucy told him evenly. His mouth hovered inches above hers. She struggled against the bonds that held her tightly to the wall, trying to get closer. "Let me down."

Zeref smirked and flicked his tongue over her lips. "I don't think so."

Lucy's chest tightened with exhilaration. "Please…"

His voice dropped and got smoky. "Why would I do that when you're just where I want you to be?"

* * *

 **Ugh. This chapter had a lot of problems for me to fix. Sorry it took so damn long. When I first wrote it, there was like… no talking.**

 **Anyway, I'm sure there are still mistakes. Sorry.**

 **Okay, buh bye!**


	12. Chapter 12

Touching her was like reliving all of the little pleasured moments from his first life that he had denied himself for longer than he could remember. He traced the exposed skin at her stomach with too-stiff fingers, like he'd forgotten what it was to use them, he gasped in her exhaled breath like it was the first air he'd been granted in...

Centuries.

His hands shook more than he would have liked, his stomach twisted with something like nerves mixed with excitement. Reaching up under her shirt, he had a moment of hesitation, in which he thought that maybe he should just walk away before things got even more out of hand. All of that emptied from his head when he found Lucy's unrestrained breasts and she bucked and moaned.

 _It's not fair that she makes me feel like this_ , he thought bitterly, though he had a hard time wishing things were different.

His fingers drew circles over her skin, pressing in and prodding, seeing exactly how frantic he could make her before he drove himself insane, each caress a little surer, each touch more insistent and commanding. Lucy breathed heavily, breasts heaving in the late-night dark. He watched her shamelessly, each one of her harried moans making his body jolt with blistering pleasure.

When his hands slowed, Lucy whimpered. "Don't stop." Her voice was throaty and sultry, rich with need.

"I can't." Even if he wanted. He grabbed her too hard. Under his hand she arched, skin roving with black magic that pricked and burned, and sobbed his name in a way it had never been said before. She brought with her reverence, but it wasn't the mindless fealty he'd come to expect from his demons. This was different. She needed him like others didn't. Maybe it was because with each breath he was slowly, unintentionally, killing her and subconsciously she wanted it.

Zeref dropped his face into her neck and breathed her name in a pained, lamenting voice. For all of his regret, there was no stopping. He and Lucy were two pieces of a whole, undeniably drawn together. _By your own doing_. And that was alright. It didn't matter _why_ , only that it was.

Lucy quivered. Zeref invaded her senses violently, insistently, each touch making her a little crazier, each lick pushing her further, each breath tripping and fogging and breaking her down a little more until there was no thought in her head. The demon king kissed her neck, then sucked, leaving a mouth-shaped bruise in his wake. Then he was dragging his tongue over her body, down past her collarbone, over the topmost swell of her breast.

There he hesitated, crushing her still tank top-clad breasts together, and brushed his thumbs over the tips. Lucy breathed raggedly. Only after hearing that did he drop his mouth to her breasts and take the hardened nub of her nipple onto his tongue. Through the fabric of her shirt he licked and nipped and teased. The cotton made his tongue dry. He pushed it up and her breasts bounced out, startlingly bare; peach-tipped ivory, full and almost perfectly round. She was surprisingly perky for her size. He came back for her again, closing his mouth around her body and listened to her too-loud cry. She struggled against her bonds, trying to touch him.

"Please… please."

"Please?" he found himself asking.

"Please let me down." The words came out all… wrong. Rough. Husky. It didn't even sound like her voice.

Zeref smiled shamelessly against her breast. "You're so beautiful when you're desperate."

"Gods." She felt like she was dying. A violent shock moved through her, starting somewhere near her heart and ending between her legs. Her body rocked, near orgasm. "Please," she begged again, half hoping he would and half hoping he would deny her; she liked his teasing as much as she hated it.

"No," he said shortly. His voice prickled her skin like hot coals.

Lucy caught her breath when he traced his fingers over her legs, skating up, up, up to where they met. She was hot. She was wet enough he could feel it through the material of her shorts. Fuck. He could

Tear

Her

Apart.

He took her breast into his mouth again, sucking hard and biting. Through her chest he could hear her heart beating far too hard, he could see the darkness rolling over her skin. Every time a thread lanced through her, she'd croon in delighted pain.

Zeref dared to brush his thumb over her center. Predictably, Lucy turned her head to the left, caught her lip between her teeth and cried out. What she said was nearly nonsensical, but one thing punched through him clearly enough. His name.

"Yes?" he asked gently, carefully.

Lucy's voice was rough as it left her throat. "Don't stop." Not ever.

He pressed his fingers into her shorts and rubbed the area so lightly she almost couldn't feel it. That only drove her crazier. Her body heated almost unbearably; her skin felt too tight to be comfortable and she knew what would make her feel better.

"Please," she moaned and tried to wriggle her hips so she could grind against his fingers. He pulled back and grasped her thighs tightly, painfully. Lucy's eyes popped open and she looked into Zeref's own onyx orbs, so like her own. Only the whites of his eyes showed through in the blackness of the cloudy night. They looked like dark pits, those eyes, ready to swallow her whole. A thrill moved through her, powerful and poignant.

"Tell me you're mine and no one else's," Zeref demanded, cool hands moving around her thighs to cup the swell of her behind. He used that grip to drag her forwards so she was taut against her bonds.

Feeling his body pressing through his clothing, rigid and hot, she whimpered again. "Zeref…"

"Say it."

Lucy worried her bottom lip between her teeth. "I'm yours," she agreed, though she would have said anything to get him to keep touching her.

Zeref didn't believe her, not for a second, but they had come too far now. He buried his guilt for his promise to Layla, he buried his guilt for the disservice he was about to do his brother. He justified his actions by reasoning that he had already taken so much from Natsu, what was one celestial girl he thought he loved? _You're wicked_ , he thought, _reviling, horrific_. But when she pleaded with him again he thought he could be all those things, it didn't matter; he already knew what he was.

It was enough of a twisted validation that Zeref could convince himself that it would be okay to kiss her. Her lips were velvet and desperate and moist, her tongue like fire, her breath cold as winter air. He drank her in like a man dying of thirst. He moved his hands up her body and cupped her face between his palms, then he kissed her until they were both shaking, their breaths stuttering, their hearts hammering together like two out of tune drums. His fingers played through her blonde locks, grasping and pulling, holding her close while he crushed his mouth to hers.

He lost his concentration and the shadows holding her evaporated. Lucy, suddenly free, wrapped her arms around his neck and held him firmly to her body. His fingers abandoned her hair and worked at her shorts. When the button got stuck he didn't stop to fuss with it, he tore it apart and yanked the material down. While he worked, Lucy bit his lip hard enough that copper filled his mouth. He liked the taste. Lucy's shorts snagged on her hips. He tugged them hard enough to send her stumbling and still didn't get them off.

Impatient, Zeref grabbed her wrist hard and yanked her towards the bed. At the mattress edge, he grabbed her by the ribs and pushed her back, marvelling at the way her breasts bounced when she flopped back. Then he went back for her shorts, tearing hard enough that there would likely be a bruise around her thighs in the morning. It was just another way to mark her as his.

Beneath her shorts were a pair of small black panties. Taking her now free legs, he pushed them wide by her knees and appreciated the picture she painted. Her skin kept shifting, patches of black, white and gray roving over her body so she was never the same, a beautiful living canvas, a model for everything ever pure-turned- iniquitous. And she was his to have to do with as he wanted. He got harder again. Hard enough that he couldn't ignore it. Reaching down, he cupped himself through his clothing and massaged. Gods. It wasn't enough, but it was something.

Watching him pleasure himself was exciting. Lucy brought herself up on her knees and flicked her tongue over Zeref's still bleeding lip. The blood was both bitter and sweet and burned all the way down. The magic she'd taken from him all those days ago reached up and swallowed his essence greedily. Her body wanted to be full of him.

Mindless, she pulled at Zeref's kimono, frantic to feel his skin beneath her hands. There was a physical relief that moved through her when the knot came loose. She was able to push aside the fabric to the nagajuban underneath. More clothing. She held in her frustration when it wasn't skin that met her hands and pulled at it with little success.

Zeref pushed her hands aside to do the work for her. In seconds he had the undergarment drawn open. Lucy's eyes dropped downwards to where he was exposed and decided that the initial frustration was worth it, because now there was nothing between them. She wrapped her fingers around his body and pumped.

Zeref let her continue for a moment, his eyes rolling back into his head, his lips parting in ecstasy. It had been a long time since he'd felt so good. He wanted her to carry on but made himself grab her wrist and pull her hand away. "Wait." Otherwise, he wouldn't last long.

"I don't want to," Lucy whispered and came back for his mouth.

He kissed her, tongue sliding over hers fervently, then he bit down, using his teeth to pull hard on her lip. "I said wait." She definitely wasn't like his demons; she was willful and defiant. His demand brought her pause, though. Good.

Lucy breathed shallowly. "What is it?"

He climbed on to the bed with her and pushed her back. She went willingly, spreading her legs wide.

Zeref, heart aching in his chest with an excitement he hadn't felt in a long, long time, bent and flicked his tongue over her folds through her undergarments. She rocked, shocked, and squealed in pleasure. He pressed in harder. Lucy's fingers fisted in her mussed up blankets, her back bowed. She cried and it sounded tormented. He took some pity on her and pushed the fabric aside, to her great pleasure. He lapped twice, skin against skin, tasting the bitter sweetness that was unique to her, and inserted two fingers. She was so wet it was easy. She bowed again and whimpered and quivered.

"Gods."

Feeling adventurous, Zeref slipped his hand under her behind and lifted her up, then edged another finger inside her other hole so she was totally filled. Her body pulsed wildly, her skin got cold. Her fingers found her own hair. Looking up the slope of her body, Zeref watched her eyes flutter closed and her mouth open in stunned pleasure. Smiling, he went back to licking her while he gently and slowly moved in and out of her taut body, giving her some time to get used to the new sensation. When her quiet pants turned into loud moans, he went harder, spreading her legs wide, lapping quickly, thrusting inside of her until she arched and screamed and squeezed him tight with her body, a powerful orgasm taking her. Enough magic bled from her into him that, if allowed, it would have laid to rest half of the tenants in Lucy's building. Zeref accepted the surge easily, swallowing it all back like a greedy, starving monster.

When Lucy stopped shaking, he took his fingers out of her body, then climbed up and positioned himself at her opening. She was limp until she felt his hardness, then her eyes refocused. She grabbed his arms, tilted her hips and forced him inside of her. Then she kissed him.

She tasted like copper and salt and sweetness. She tasted like ruin. She tasted like something pretty gone tarnished. Like perfection.

He allowed himself to growl and enjoy her while she lasted.

* * *

Arms around Zeref's neck, Lucy breathed him in. He smelled like mint and something secret. His body was sweaty, his skin hot for the first time since she'd known him more intimately. He twisted his head to the side and caught her mouth for one last searing kiss. It tasted salty. When he pulled back, Lucy's lips throbbed. She licked them to taste him one more time.

"I have to go," Zeref told her, breaking away from her hold and standing.

Lucy, beginning to sink back to earth, regarded the man with a small twinge of… horror? Awe? Both? He was hers. The darkest mage ever to live was hers. He was here, in her bedroom. He had touched her and it wasn't to kill.

Or… at least from what she could tell.

Her hands shook and her skin crawled. "Won't you stay?"

"No." He started to adorn himself again, shrugging into his complicated garments.

"Then… take me with you." _Go with Zeref_ … Her hands shook even more.

He lifted his gaze and searched her eyes. Whatever he saw there, it left Lucy feeling like she was lacking something. "No."

"Please—"

His eyes turned cold. "No."

He was so abrupt it was like being slapped.

"And Lucy," he added before he could think better of it. "While we're apart, stay away from Natsu." He couldn't quite stand to tear her fully out of her life, not yet, but that didn't mean that he didn't want her for himself. It was so… _frustrating_ this hold she had on him.

Lucy pushed herself up into a sitting position. "From Natsu?"

He nodded.

"But—"

Zeref's eyes narrowed and his magic writhed around his body like an ever-shifting cloak, hungry for death. "Do it."

Lucy didn't know if Natsu came back for her if she could stay away. Zeref had to know that. If he did, he didn't question her when she said, "Okay. But," she added, deciding maybe to push the boundaries, "I have a concession of my own." She dared to meet his eyes, recalling the circumstances that brought them to this point. "My spirits..."

He raised a brow challengingly.

She screwed up her courage. "Don't touch them."

Zeref smirked, the expression devoid of mirth but full of artic cold. "Here I thought Loke was already cut open before I got there, or was I mistaken?"

Lucy's throat was tight. "He's my spirit, I can do what I want to him." She sounded an awful lot like Karen in that moment. The realization was like cold water in her face. She swallowed sharply and twisted her fingers together.

A considering expression befell Zeref. "Fine," he agreed after a moment. His body started melding with the darkness.

"Wait," Lucy called. "When will I see you again?" She hated how frantic she sounded.

"When I feel like it," he said callously and faded.

* * *

Dressed in a loose fitting spaghetti strap nightgown, Lucy stared at Loke's key on the ground, completely stationary until the sky bruised with the coming dawn and her skin was so chilled that she shivered. The edges of the familiar object were scorched black, the gold blemished. The decision to bend down and grab it up didn't come to her immediately, but when it did, the metal was still so hot in her hands.

 _Call him._ Just to see if she could. Just to see if he was okay. Her throat was parched, and not just because she was thirsty. Fear played a large role, as well. "Open, gate of the lion, Leo." She tugged on the celestial magic that had first taken her to the realms of wizardry, the magic that was her mother's namesake, the light magic that had ironically dragged her to this beautiful darkness.

Nothing happened, so she tried harder, really searching for the dregs of celestial magic in her body.

She found it, buried deep, deep inside, a weak, fading light being choked out by strangling tendrils of Zeref's magic. She knew she could smother it right then and there, should she want. It was surprisingly tempting, that way she could really be Zeref's. The only thing that stayed her hand was the need to see Loke, to make sure he was okay. He was hers, after all.

"Open, gate of the lion, Leo!" She tried again, and was again met by dead air. Frustrated, she growled and threw the key across the ground. It clattered and spun then clunked up against her wall. Hot tears pricked her eyes. She shut them tightly and drew in an uneven breath. _It's because he's hurt._ It had to be.

 _Think. There has to be a way._

Opening her eyes, she grabbed the ring of keys that sat on her nightstand. The first one she touched was Virgo's.

"Open, gate of the maiden, Virgo," she whispered and prayed that it would work. The power dredged from her body was sickly and weak, tired and faded. The maiden's gate shimmered, a feeble spark in the predawn light. It sputtered and was about to go out, but then something surged and it brightened.

First Virgo's pale leg appeared, then the hem of her black maid's dress. Lucy expected her to come out of the portal gracefully, like she did every time, but Virgo stumbled and almost fell. Only clutching the already trashed dresser kept her on her feet. She stood upright, sort of composing herself, and Lucy looked at the spirit in amazement. Virgo met her gaze, shivering and grasping her elbows while her body danced with black thread, just like Loke's had.

"P—Princess—" The way she said it was segmented, awed. "Big brother said you were different, but… I—I didn't—" Virgo released her elbows and clasped her hands before her.

Looking at the spirit's kaleidoscoping skin, Lucy swallowed a hot coal of shame-laced pleasure. "Is everyone I'm contracted to like this, Virgo?"

The maiden shook her head. "No. I shared big brother's burden when he was first injured so he'd heal faster—I took some of the darkness. He… wouldn't let me the second time. He likes it." She blinked her large eyes. "So do I. Will you punish me now?"

Lucy considered her for a beat too long, wondering what punishment might entail. Tearing Virgo apart like she wanted to do to Loke and Natsu and Zeref and everyone else she wanted to belong to her? Her fingers tingled with want. _Focus, otherwise there will be nothing left of anything you've ever cared about. You're trying to get to the celestial realm._ She shook herself from her thoughts and said, "I need passage to the spirit world. Will you take me?"

"Why do you want to come to the celestial realm?" the spirit asked curiously. "Are you going to finish changing Loke?"

Zeref would be furious, wouldn't he? Lucy waited to feel deterred. There was only excitement. Why _shouldn't_ she have Loke? Besides, he only warned her away from Natsu…

"So you know, Princess… Though he likes the change, big brother is… angry. With you."

"With me? Why?"

"He wouldn't tell me," she admitted.

Lucy's skin prickled with interest. When had Loke ever been mad at her? Never, not truly, not even when she had hurt him when she first gained Zeref's power. He had forgiven her always. What would it be like to see him so out of sorts? She hungered to find out.

"Take me."

"Yes, Princess." She faded from view for a moment. When she reappeared she carried with her the celestial garments that would allow Lucy to cross over dimensions unharmed. It was a short pleated skirt she handed her master along with a light blue tank top. Lucy accepted the clothing and undressed where she stood, guiltily relishing Virgo's eyes as they clung unashamedly to her body. The ever-present night in her blood writhed excitedly, pushing all kinds of dark thoughts into Lucy's mind, starting with tasting the maiden and ending with killing her. What would it take to extinguish a celestial spirit? They were immortal, but Lucy thought that if she really tried, she could make Zeref's magic do wonderful, terrible things.

"Are you alright, Princess?" Virgo was practically salivating. Her shoulders shook as she looked at her dramatically different master.

"Fine," Lucy choked out, tugging the shirt down around her belly button. "We have to go."

Virgo pouted. "Very well." She took Lucy's hand in hers and drew up a gateway into the spirit realm.

* * *

Natsu awoke with a toe digging into his side. He opened his eyes slowly, the sky tilting gently this way and that. His head was cob-webby and his mind pieced together the world in a half-crooked puzzle. None of the pieces fit together exactly right, but he got enough of them into place that he could draw a vague image of what had transpired. He remembered surging blackness, he remembered Loke, he remembered Zeref. He remembered Lucy.

 _Lucy._

Even her name was difficult to think. Did he really have sex with her? And not only that, did he really run out on her? And if he was going to go there, did she really attack Loke afterwards? What was the spirit doing in her apartment? And what was Zeref doing there in Magnolia's streets chasing Loke down? Why was he, Natsu, still alive? Where was Loke?

He had too many questions and not enough answers.

"Hey, get up."

Natsu blinked into the too-bright blue sky and realized that the city streets were bustling around him. He tried to focus on whoever was prodding him. His vision doubled for a breath and then refocused. The body leaning over him was silhouetted by the sun, but he didn't need to see Gray to recognize his scent.

"What the fuck happened to you?" the ice mage asked, a snicker in his voice. "Did you finally go and get yourself into a fight you couldn't win?"

 _Something like that_ , Natsu thought. He made his heavy limbs move so he could touch his jaw. The place was swollen, his lip tacky with blood. "Help me up."

Gray grabbed his hand and hauled him upright too fast. Natsu groaned and swayed and staggered and clutched his head, wondering if he was going to be sick.

Gray looked at his comrade and rival curiously. "Are you hungover?"

Natsu grunted.

"Holy fuck, you are. What happened to you?" The ice mage was trying not to laugh.

Natsu did his best to stop lurching like a teetering pillar and pushed him away. "I have to get back to Lucy's."

"Back to…? You were there last night?"

"Zeref was hunting Loke. I think Lucy's in trouble."

Gray sobered. "What?"

The dragon slayer started moving and the ice mage followed, hot on his heels. "What do you mean, he was hunted down by Zeref?"

"Did I stutter?" Natsu snapped, irate with a pounding headache, a rioting stomach and a throbbing face.

"Why the hell would Zeref be after Lucy?"

Natsu shook his head. "I wish I knew."

* * *

Ugh. I just read chapter 488 twice and cried both times. Just

Ugh.

Guess who has Instagram? 'Welcome to the modern world, you fucking hillbilly.' Check my FF profile for the details if you care to :)

Also, I so, so, so badly want to write at Natsu/Lisanna. So badly. It could be heady with angst. So much. So many people hate them together, though! Breaks my heart. I might just do it anyway. (yeah, remember back when I was re-writing Hunter and I was like, 'This is going to be my last hurrah'? Why can't I stay away, Fan Fiction? Why?)


	13. Chapter 13

It was always strange falling into the celestial world, but more so now, because while she'd never truly belonged, she absolutely didn't anymore. She could feel it in her bones; it made her skin itch and burn, the strange magic that allowed it to exist. Nothing made her feel better, not the magic garments, not breathing carefully, not clutching to Virgo like she was a lifeline, stealing so much of her magic to fortify herself that the spirit went pale. Lucy didn't let up, though, that was just the kind of girl she was now.

The world twisted, the blues and purples of iridescent starlight whizzing past them until Virgo came to an abrupt halt on a fiery orange planetoid. It had no soil, but its surface was as hard as diamonds. It was completely devoid of absolutely everything, no other spirits, no buildings, just a blank world.

"You want to go straight to big brother, Princess?" Virgo asked in a tight voice.

"Yes." Lucy squeezed the word out; it was difficult to breathe here in this too-pure realm.

Virgo obliged. A hole full of bright light opened in the ground and they started to freefall through the planet. It was a strange, tumbling ride, with first colours rushing by and then darkness. As she fell, she wondered where Loke lived; she had never bothered to find out before. She wasn't a very good master, was she? Even before Zeref had polluted her. Why hadn't she bothered to find out more about her spirits?

Their fall slowed, the darkness faded, and then suddenly Lucy's feet were touching solid ground once more. She blinked into her new surroundings. It seemed to be the same planet as before, like they'd just fallen through its core, only now it was copper orange, not fire red, the colour dulled by the veiny blackness that had overtaken the landscape. They were everywhere, dark tendrils that felt like Zeref's magic, changing Loke to be just like her. Lucy looked at it in awe, she didn't expect to find a piece of Zeref here in such an untarnished world, but she thought that it made an odd sort of sense, he followed her everywhere, he touched everything.

In some places the landscape wasn't barren. A forest protruded from the seemingly inhabitable ground, the trees reaching skywards to choke out the light of the stars. Some were vibrant and full of life still, but most were desiccated and dead, branches barren and rotting. Pine needles crunched under her foot, filling the air with a sharp, clean, northern smell, but even so, even through that fresh crispness breathed a blackening soul.

"It's not just his home," Virgo whispered when she saw Lucy looking, as if speaking loudly would break some spell. "Big brother is just like this too."

Lucy swallowed. Her heart thundered excitedly, wickedly; she relished the tainting of this pure thing; what had she become, to want such destruction? Why didn't Zeref tell her she would be like this, hungry for the demolition of anything ingenuous?

She felt Loke in the midst of all that throbbing impurity. He struggled violently, perhaps trying to cleanse himself of the damage Zeref had done, perhaps struggling to find the true lion spirit amongst the hollow bones the magic left behind. Perhaps he was struggling to fall a little harder. Either way he was vulnerable. Lucy's breath caught excitedly.

"Princess—" Virgo began, sensing a change in Lucy.

"Leave," she snapped.

"But—"

"Now." Lucy walked forward over the orange needles, not quite sure where she was going but knowing that if she followed a thread of shadow it would lead her to her spirit. She didn't check behind her to make sure that Virgo had obeyed, only reached out a pulsing tendril and followed it to Loke's home.

* * *

Her apartment was startlingly empty. Natsu looked around it with a blank expression on his face. Gray came to stand at his side, arms crossed over his chest.

"What happened here?" It looked as though someone had torn her room apart. Natsu knew some of it was from he and Lucy—her bed was rumpled, her clothing strewn across the floor; but something was different, too. He smelled her, as heady and inviting as ever, maybe even more so now that he knew exactly what she tasted like, but there was another's smell here as well, one that made his hackles raise and his fingers clench tightly. One that made him scared.

Zeref _had_ been there. He knew it—but it was one thing to know, and another to _know._ His scent was everywhere. Natsu choked back his panic. What did the dark mage want with Lucy, and where was she now?

"What is it?" Gray demanded.

Natsu couldn't stop the flames from licking up his fist and singing his clothing. "Zeref was here," he admitted reluctantly. It was childish, but he thought that if he didn't say the words aloud that they wouldn't be true.

"I just don't get it. Why would Zeref—"

"I don't know," Natsu cut him off before he could finish. "If I did I wouldn't just be standing here, would I?" No, he would be with Lucy. If he knew Zeref was after her, he wouldn't have left her, despite everything. _You should have stayed._ But he couldn't think around her, he didn't know who he was when she was nearby, he couldn't control a horrific little part of his soul that responded to her every breath. He just needed some _space._

Gods he hated her.

And loved her. ( _Love?_ )

And hated her. ( _Yes.)_

 _Focus._

"Can't you smell them out or something?" Gray asked. His eyes were narrowed, his face full of agitation and anxiety.

Natsu lifted his nose to do as the mage suggested. The apartment was a mess of smells, execrable enjoyment, pheromones enough to make him dizzy, dark magic, sweat, skin. Lucy. He felt himself falling inexcusably towards her even when she wasn't there. He took in a steadying breath but it didn't help.

"I can't," he sputtered finally. His skin was slicked in sweat, his face bloodless.

Gray looked at him with concern. "If Lucy's missing—"

"Princess isn't missing," said a voice at their back.

Both Natsu and Gray whirled and looked at a tight-lipped and dark-veined Virgo. Neither had noticed her, Natsu because he was too caught up in Lucy, Gray because he was too busy wondering _what the fuck?_

"Virgo! Where is she?" Natsu spat out when he found his voice, desperately thankful for the distraction from Lucy's alluring scent.

"She's in the celestial realm with Loke," she explained.

"She's safe?" A knot of tension was trying to come loose in his chest.

"Yes," Virgo said and Natsu almost laughed with manic relief. But not yet.

 _Loke._ "Is Loke alright?"

"He's…" she trailed off. "He will be better," she finished finally.

"What's going on?" Gray asked, frustration bleeding through his voice.

Virgo shrugged. "I only know that Loke is angry with her. And different. Both of them."

Natsu opened his mouth to ask more questions but Virgo said, "I've used a lot of my own power coming here, and Princess took quite a bit, too, I just didn't want you to worry about her. She's safe in the celestial world."

"Take me to her," Natsu ordered.

"I cannot. I will tell her you're looking for her." She started to fade.

"Virgo!" Natsu surged forward, grasping for the spirit, but she was already gone.

"What the _fuck_?" Natsu raged and kicked a bottle of perfume across the floor. It hit the wall hard enough that it broke. "What the hell are we supposed to do now?"

"Wait?" Gray suggested.

Natsu grumbled.

"We should go to the guild, tell Gramps…"

Natsu didn't want to leave. _Is it her smell, or you want to be here when she gets back?_ On the other hand, he felt so irritated, he needed to _move._ "Fine, but we're coming back here."

* * *

Loke had a high-rise apartment—or at least, that's how he made his environment look. The building was tall, white washed sandstone, with double doors inlaid with dark tainted glass. Days ago it might have looked pristine, but now the gardens out front were dead or dying, the building was oozing blackness through the bricks, and the windows in some places were cracked.

She didn't bother walking through the doors and up the stairs or taking the elevator or any such benign non-magical routes. She commanded Zeref's magic to lift her skywards. Her hand touched the building and it warbled. It was some kind of illusion, then. Even still, she followed the pull towards her spirit, up, up, up, until the magical thread pulled taut. She breathed a sigh of relief and pushed against the wall of the building. It gave under her hand like rippling water and she slipped through the seemingly solid wall and into Loke's home.

The inside was white, white floors, white ceiling, white walls, and black, black doors, black window sills, black couches and tables and chairs. She had no trouble finding Loke in all that monochromaticness. His hair was the only wash of colour, looking almost vermillion in contrast. His skin was like Virgo's had been, a spider's web of black lines. One bisected his eye, turning the hazel to onyx just like hers.

From his position on the couch, he met her gaze steadily. Somehow he looked angry, hungry, and lost. For a moment she felt pity for him, but the pity was swallowed whole, chewed up and mutilated by whatever evil breathed in her. Lucy took him in. He slouched on his couch, suit jacket thrown aside on the floor, white dress shirt torn open so the skin beneath was exposed. He looked disordered, confused, irate and surprised. Fantastic.

"What are you doing here?" Loke asked in a strangled voice.

"I wanted—I wanted to see how you were," Lucy replied. She didn't like the way her voice cracked as if she were a weak and brittle thing. She rubbed her hands over her arms. The celestial world always felt too loud for humans, but now the place was positively screaming with intense magic.

"How can you stand to be here?" She looked around the open room.

"I have to be here," he replied in a tight voice. "This is where I belong." _Belonged_ , he corrected himself. Now he wasn't so sure. Loke forced himself to stand.

His shirt fell open and Lucy was able to see a dark patch of skin that stretched under his ribs and disappeared around his back. She held his gaze as he stalked towards her, looking like the dangerous cat he was named for. He stopped only inches away. Lucy swallowed and breathed shallowly to keep herself calm when she wanted to thrust a little more shadow inside his skin and see what would happen, see exactly how much it would take to break him, if he _would_ break. He wasn't like her, he wasn't human, he didn't have to worry about his physical body giving out on him because he always had this place to come back to, this place to rebuild himself. Her fingers itched with the need.

Loke scowled, as if sensing her thoughts. "Are you here to tear me apart a little more? Finish what Zeref started?" It was a challenge and a plea. He _wanted_ her to. Her legs shook with the realization.

"I—I didn't know what he would do," Lucy said finally. "I didn't…"

"You didn't imagine the darkest mage to ever live would be pissed when you started fucking around with him?" Loke lashed out. "What were you _thinking_?" That black patch stretched a little more. Lucy wanted to touch it and coax it out. _Stop it_ , she scolded herself.

She cleared her throat. "I came to ask if you found him."

"Natsu?" Loke asked. "Yeah, I did." He wished he could say it more triumphantly.

 _Fuck._ Lucy ground her teeth together. "You told him? About Zeref and me?"

Loke only scowled.

"Loke, answer me," Lucy commanded.

"I told him enough," he replied, unable to disobey her but not feeling particularly helpful.

The bottom dropped out of Lucy's stomach. "He knows?"

"He knows that you're a liar."

What he didn't say said more than what he did. "What did you tell him?"

"Go away, Lucy." He wanted her tormented like he was, but soon he was going to spill everything.

"Loke…"

He looked away from her so Lucy touched his cheek, bringing his face back. He came easier than she'd imagined. "What did you say?" She asked it carefully. "Tell me."

"…I told him you made a deal to destroy Shadow Father." He hated himself for speaking but kept on going. "I told him you did this." He showed his side. "And then Zeref showed up."

Natsu was dense sometimes, but he wasn't stupid. He could put things together. Lucy scowled, irate. "You deserved what Zeref gave you. You should have minded your own business." It was the cruelest thing she'd ever said, and as it came out, only a small piece of her regretted it.

"Say what you want, but what kind of spirit would I be if I let you keep this up?" His voice wasn't nearly as cutting as he'd planned. In fact, he was losing steam rather quickly. "You're falling apart." _It's me_ , he corrected himself, _I'm falling to pieces_. He hadn't been able to expel both Lucy and Zeref from his body, though he had tried for hours and hours.

 _Maybe you didn't try that hard._ No. Not that hard at all, sending away Virgo and declining her offer to help as he did, refusing to see the other spirits because he… wanted this all for himself. _Don't think like that,_ but dark fingers were roving through his body, feeding upon and extinguishing small pockets of purity as they went, finding home in his skin with every breath and he loved it. Soon Leo the Lion would be Leo the Shade, the new Lucy Heartfilia's willing instrument to do with as she wanted.

"I can't stop, Loke, and I don't want to." Frustrated tears pricked at her eyes. "I want it all, Natsu and Zeref and this power." It was so unbearably addicting.

Loke took her in, eyes tear-bright, hair wild, skin pale and cold and soft. _You're not a good spirit_ , he thought when he realized he loved her like this. _What happened to saving her_? But Lucy Heartfilia didn't want to be saved, and neither did he. His mouth moved on its own accord. "And me?" His voice was unsteady.

"You?"

Loke bit his cheek until it hurt, arguing with himself until finally, "Why did you kiss me, Lucy?" bubbled from his throat. "Why did you try to protect me from him?" Even after she had attacked him. It was perverse, he knew, but if he tried he could almost forget about her magic digging into and ripping apart his body. And when he couldn't fully bury the memory, he found he enjoyed it.

Lucy gnawed on her lip and twisted her fingers through the hem of her skirt. Loke tried to ignore the way it lifted and exposed a pale slice of skin high up on her thigh. His fingers twitched, his mouth curved downwards.

"I…"

"Well?" he asked, voice low and raspy.

 _Gods_. What was wrong with her? She pulled tighter at her skirt, desperate to centre herself. "Loke… I—I wanted…" Too much. She wanted everything.

He was absolutely too close to her now. "You wanted?" _Say it, say it, say it._

Somehow he had backed her up against his dark wood table. It was solid under her hands in a way that the outside building had not been. What was real and what was fake in the celestial world? Loke touched a hand to her hip and she knew he was very, very real.

She held her breath and wondered. Zeref had said he wouldn't touch her spirits again, but did he mean it?

"Well?" Loke came in close. Lucy thought he was going to kiss her right then and there, but his hands found their way into her hair and he pressed his nose to the cavity under her earlobe. There he breathed her in, the girl he once knew and the girl she had become. Lucy's hands somehow made their way to his shoulders. Her fingers squeezed through the thin fabric of his shirt. His skin felt warm and solid underneath those clothes, strange and all the more alluring because she knew she _should_ stay away.

"Lucy…" Loke breathed her name against her neck, his hot breath raising goose bumps over her skin and making her squirm.

He was still waiting for an answer. Her fingers slipped up his neck and into his auburn hair. Into his ear she whispered, "I wanted you to be ruined just like me." Sliding her cheek against his, she found his mouth and kissed him.

Loke let out a surprised gasp, at first stiffening because it hurt, then he relaxed into her. His hands wrapped around her waist and pressed in to her lower back, drawing her closer.

 _Zeref isn't going to be happy with me_ , she thought, feeling the dark mage on her periphery. That was okay, she knew even though he protested, he liked it, too.

* * *

 **I forgot how** ** _little_** **story and how** ** _much_** **smut was in this. Just a smutfest.**

 **My other stories have a little more of a storyline (though still a healthy dose of this stuff). Check those out if you haven't already. Maybe you'll find something you like.**


	14. Chapter 14

His lips were soft and giving, more generous than Lucy thought possible. She warred with herself, wondering simultaneously why she hadn't ever bothered to do this before and why she was letting it continue. She wondered if Zeref was going to be furious, if he'd come after Loke again, or maybe her. Then she decided that if he did, she wasn't scared. Besides, he'd only expressly forbidden _Natsu_ , right?

Loke's hand tucked under her skirt and pressed into her backside, hesitant at first when he realized there was nothing between his fingers and her skin. Then he let out a choked, excited growl, a sound that made fire drop through Lucy's middle. She smiled against his mouth, hands moving on their own accord, pushing past his shirt and laying against his bare stomach. He jumped as if electrocuted. Purring, she pulled him closer, hungry for more. That ever-present magic roared through her and she did as she had longed to do by forcing threads of power into him. This was the way to make him hers; everything else, kissing him, pawing him was pure, greedy pleasure.

Under her hand, Loke's whole body jolted, his heart stuttered then picked up speed. He panted and winced.

"Lucy—"

Her name gasped out while his mouth was pressed to hers stoked the fire in her heart. Lucy squeezed his ribs and felt that dark band of skin stretch higher, reaching towards his shoulder blades. "Yes?" she moaned.

"It hurts," he told her, but didn't pull away.

"I'm sorry," she replied. _I'm sorry, I'm sorry_. She couldn't stop. She didn't ever _want_ to.

Still groping her behind, he cupped her breast with his free hand, brushing his thumb over the tip. In response, Lucy sobbed, skin far too sensitive. Amazingly so. Wrenching him close so she could feel his erection jab into her leg, she kissed him furiously, tearing at his clothes and not slowing until his shirt was off his shoulders and his belt was undone. Then she slung her fingers in the waistband of his pants teasingly.

"You're mine, Loke."

"Yes."

"Tell me."

He barely had breath to say, "I'm yours."

"And you want to be that way." She grabbed his erection through his pants and Loke's breath hiccupped.

"Yes."

"I... I can change you. I can make you just like me." She didn't know for sure. She thought... Maybe... It would either work, or it would damage him beyond repair. She was feeling lunatic enough to try.

"...Please," Loke begged.

Zeref was on her periphery. At first, knowing what she did, he was angry. A millisecond later, anger bled into reluctant acceptance. Then… then Lucy felt a change. He was no longer so furious he couldn't think. He was interested. Not only that, he was egging her on, telling her what to do: touch here, tickle there, grab and kiss and bite and hurt.

She obeyed, nipping Loke's shoulder until she tasted copper. Loke hissed. Zeref praised her.

Coming up on tiptoe she propped herself up on Loke's table and wrapped her legs around his waist so they were body-to-body. He pressed against her, warm.

"If I do this, afterwards, you won't be the same," she told him. She just didn't know _how_ he'd be different. "Okay?"

"But I'll still be yours."

"Yes. More than ever." Or he'd be ruined. Who could say?

"Then..." He hesitated. "Then I don't care, Lucy."

She didn't remind him of his rock hard morals of days before. _'I won't play spirit for a dark mage'_ seemed like it came from someone else. "You've always been such a good spirit, Loke." Clenching her legs tighter brought him brushing against her. Then she found his mouth and used it as a vector for Zeref's magic. It bled from her body into his, more and more, until she felt that he physically just couldn't take anymore, and then…

He moaned. He sobbed. He dug his fingers into her hips so hard that it hurt. He twitched. Lucy kept her eyes open so she could watch the colour run from his skin, dark veins taking over. Then the magic began the process of greedily stripping him down, down, down. His screams then would have been loud, if she let him scramble away like he wanted. She held him tight, arms wrapped around his throat. _This should have been Natsu._ Maybe… maybe it still could be…

 _It'll kill him._

She forced herself to be satiated with Loke.

There was a moment where the magic got so intense, the lion spirit was nothing more than a shade, absorbed by blackness. His scream dropped into a low moan. The magic between them stitched them tightly together; the only person she'd ever felt closer to was Zeref. Tighter and tighter, until she didn't know where Loke ended and she began. Under her mouth she felt Loke get cold; too cold to keep touching. Finally, she was forced to break the kiss, allowing his muffled scream to turn into a real thing. He staggered, then stumbled back, falling to the floor. His skin started roving again, monochromaticness falling away so he wasn't just a shadow anymore, he was gaining real substance. _Like you broke him down and put him back together again_. All of the pieces were in different order now, though.

Lucy reached for Zeref. _Is he dying?_

 _I don't know. Watch_ , Zeref whispered in her mind. Lucy shivered, his voice like velvet over her skin.

Loke stopped screaming so he could tilt his mostly-ivory face back and look at her; the black had receded from his face but still stretched down his neck. "Lucy—" he reached for her. "Lucy, help me—"

She stayed where she was.

"Lucy, please—it—it hurts."

She knew all too well what that pain felt like, the terrible itch of Zeref's magic, the need for it to stop, the need for it to continue. "I know."

"Lu—" He started to fade away then, not in a wash of light like he normally would, but a violent snap of shadow.

"Loke?" Lucy whispered. He was gone. From this world? Yes, he was no longer in the celestial realm. But was he _completely_ gone? She was just probing to see when a sharp voice sliced neatly through the air and dragged her back to reality.

"What the hell did you just do?"

Turning her gaze from where Loke had been, she laid eyes upon the blue-haired water bearer. She hadn't even noticed Aquarius arrive.

Aquarius' face was twisted to the side disparagingly, as it usually was, but Lucy could see how she shook. _She's afraid._

"Hello? What did you just do to Leo?" Even her voice trembled.

"I made him better," Lucy said simply. "Maybe."

"You—"

Lucy studied the volatile spirit with calm, dead eyes. "Get out."

Aquarius startled back. Lucy had never spoken to her quite in that way before, with barely contained rage lacing her voice. She swallowed nervously but refused to be cowed by Little Lucy Heartfilia. Except, she wasn't so little any more, was she? That much was obvious now with shades bleeding out of her skin and her clothes askew from desperate pawing. The blonde was so utterly unashamed that Aquarius felt obligated to feel shame for her. "Obviously you need someone to show you how lost you are, you filthy brat," the spirit ground out with much more conviction than she felt. Lucy made her skin crawl with unease. She was powerful now in a way she hadn't been before. She was a stranger.

"Are you jealous? You want to join us too?" Lucy asked brazenly, already knowing the answer but wanting to make the mermaid squirm. She wasn't disappointed.

Aquarius's expression darkened. "I hardly think so. Unlike Leo, I have standards."

Aquarius' words washed over Lucy. "Then leave me alone."

Aquarius pursed her lips. "You need help, Lucy. You're—you're contaminated. Just being near you—you make me sick." Her words were harsh but she didn't know how else to communicate.

Lucy's good humor vanished. "I make you sick? I saved the world, Aquarius, and that's all you have to say to me?"

Aquarius looked away. There was real shame there. "This is my fault. Shadow Father never should have been your burden. Let me try to help you."

Lucy's mouth went dry. "It was you that convinced her to be cowardly, is that what you're saying, Aquarius? It's okay, Layla, let your not-as-good-as-you daughter take the fall?"

"That wasn't how it went. Your mother thought the seal would hold."

"Then she was a fool," Lucy returned, remembering Shadow Father's words. "As long as there was fear and suffering, he'd live on, he'd get stronger."

"She wasn't a fool. She knew it was a possibility he'd break free. She just had faith that if the task fell upon your shoulders, you'd be strong enough to overcome his evil. This," she waved her hand frantically in Lucy's direction. "This was never supposed to happen. After he gave you that magic, that jackass was supposed to stay away from you, he promised her," she said, meaning Zeref. "Obviously that hasn't worked out, you're a disgusting mess."

"I always knew you hated me, Aquarius, but that's just mean." Lucy hopped off the table and released a blast of power that sent the mermaid careening back through Loke's home.

Aquarius hit the wall hard, the material buckling and crumbling under her weight. She floated there for a stunned moment. When she was able, she righted herself and called a whirling stream of water into her hands.

Lucy's eyes dropped to the magic and she let out a lunatic laugh. "What are you going to do with that?"

Aquarius ground her teeth together. "I'm going to remind you who you are."

Lucy pushed her hair back from her face and gathered shadows to her again. "Sure. This will be good pay back for all the times you tried to drown me."

Feeling the rise in power, Aquarius's eyes went wide. Still, she was stubborn enough that she couldn't back down.

Lucy knew just what Aquarius was thinking, she'd taken her out plenty of times before, so why should this time be any different? Except Lucy wasn't the same creature now.

Lucy didn't wait for Aquarius to move first. When she attacked it was with a snapping vine of brutal, merciless power. It wrapped around the mermaid like a cold, damp towel and bit into her skin. She cried out, unprepared for the pain that followed. When the shadows disappeared, there was bright blood in their place. Aquarius' shoulder was bleeding, and heavily at that.

Lucy watched her water spirit with a clear, calm expression, as if it mattered to her not at all that she had hurt her.

"Brat."

"You deserve worse."

"Do you not feel any remorse?" Aquarius asked. Her blood made her hand slippery. She slid her fingers over each other, still struggling to grasp her situation. Lucy had cut her open. Lucy had attacked her. _Lucy_. She had been so sweet. Not anymore.

Lucy grinned widely. "Now you know what it's like to have someone you trust turn on you. All those times I depended on you and you were so careless." The floor exploded around Aquarius, dusting the mermaid with particles so fine they were like powder.

Aquarius winced and covered her eyes. When the air was clear enough, she looked back at Lucy and said, "I never attacked you to hurt you." But that was only partially true. Lucy was always so spoiled, and too kind, too. The world was going to chew her up and demolish her if she didn't get thicker skin. "I just wanted to make you stronger." That was as genuine as the haughty mermaid got. She couldn't bring herself to say anything else, to plead with the celestial mage-gone-wrong.

"Shut up," Lucy hissed. Suddenly she was irrationally angry. Without thought, a blanketing wave of darkness came into being and whirled at the spirit. It was suffocating and thick and full of all the rage and hatred she felt towards the water bearer for all the times she had hindered and humiliated her.

Aquarius's hands shook, her heart halted as powerful magic raced towards her. _Don't just stand there_ , she thought, _do something_.

But what was there to do? She was about to be swallowed in darkness; there was no place to escape. What would happen to her when that rolling cloud engulfed her?

The air changed, grew sour and heavy, the spirit choked, her vision clouding with black.

Lucy looked on eagerly. She was about to find out what happened to a celestial spirit when they were hit with enough killing magic to level a large city. She licked her lips excitedly, drowning out the horror she felt. _Aquarius deserves this,_ she thought bitterly, though somewhere deep, deep inside she knew it wasn't true.

The room tilted. Suddenly Lucy wasn't standing on solid ground any longer. Aquarius wasn't ahead of her, and her magic was being eaten by a hole in the world. She was torn roughly from the spirit realm by a powerful force and thrown back into Earthland with little explanation. She hit the floor of her bedroom with such a jarring force that the desiccated and damaged wood cracked under her body. She saw stars.

"You and the lion Leo are banned from the celestial realm until further notice," rumbled a deep and familiar voice. Lucy tried to find the spirit king but he was nowhere to be seen. She strained to stand, her body so suddenly exhausted and used, but darkness stretched across her eyes and she fell back to the floor, unconscious.

* * *

She dreamed of Zeref. Standing over top of her, feet planted on either side of her body, he looked so real she had to ask, "Am I dreaming?"

Zeref considered her. "Not entirely," he admitted.

"But… sort of?"

"This is real enough." Zeref knelt, knees digging into her ribs, and pressed his fingers into her shoulders, pinning her to the ground. "So now your lion is truly yours."

"He's alive?"

"Yes."

She felt a small tinge of relief.

"What will you do with him?"

"Anything I want," she said.

Her indifference drove him crazy. He wanted to be riotously angry with her, but her nonchalance was strangely alluring. Usually others were too frightened of him to even consider crossing his path, but Lucy… she pushed him at every corner. His hands tingled where they touched her. "Will you replace me with him?" He hadn't meant to ask what had been on his mind since she went to the celestial realm on this mission.

Lucy touched his cheek and dragged him close enough his breath broke across her lips. "Never."

Hearing her say that was pure relief. He closed his eyes, catching his breath. Being near Lucy made him stupid in a way he hadn't ever been before. _Focus._ "That's not really why I'm here."

Lucy flicked her tongue against his slightly parted lips. "Then why?"

Dream-Zeref shook himself. "There is a place, Lucy, a town called Piper's Hold."

"Piper's Hold?"

"Yes."

"What's there?"

"Reprieve."

"What do you mean?"

He couldn't say. "Just go and you'll find your answers. If it's meant to be, you'll know where to go and what to do."

"If what is meant to be?"

"Don't ask."

"Zeref—"

He clapped his hand over her mouth, silencing her. He would not betray his real purpose. If Lucy Heartfilia was to be his, she would walk the path to hell all on her own. "I said not to ask."

She liked the way he spoke, his voice gentle and dangerous.

"If you're curious, find the town."

"Mmhmm…" She wasn't really listening anymore, easily distracted when she slipped up under his shirt and touched his back, his stomach. He felt real enough to her, not just a specter in a dream. He shivered when her hands dropped and found the waistband of his pants.

He took his hand away from her mouth; immediately Lucy leaned up and kissed him.

He moved his lips against hers for a long moment, until he remembered his purpose there and dragged her away by the hair. He panted more than he liked to admit, his body doing traitorous things as he straddled and pinned her to the floor.

"What's wrong?" she teased. "Still insecure?"

He entertained the idea of killing her again. Yet, this brazenness was why he enjoyed her so much. _Remember Piper's Hold._

Her fingers wrapped around his hard body through his pants and played over the sensitive skin, scattering his thoughts again. "I can prove I'm thinking of you..."

He smothered a groan and caught her wrist. He wanted more than anything to let her do just that, but he didn't much like the power she held over him. _Or me over her._ "We can't be with each other until you've been to Piper's Hold."

Lucy sobered. "What?"

He swallowed and shook his head. It was going to be hard to stay away, but she couldn't be influenced.

"You don't mean that." Lucy reached with her other hand. Zeref caught that one too and pinned her back against the floor with jarring force. "I do."

Lucy writhed, a slice of fear working through her. "Zeref-"

"When you come back." When she came back he would have her. When she came back he would see her and kiss her and fall into her as he wanted to now. _Just wait._ But the longer he told himself to wait the more diluted his reasoning became. So what if she was all but a slave? So what if he didn't think what she felt was real? What did that really matter?

 _It matters,_ he told himself. It would hurt that much worse when she either died or realized exactly who she was and dragged herself out of this dark pit. If that were to happen, would she regret the things she did? Likely. That was surprisingly painful, that realization.

Sensing he was in turmoil, Lucy asked, "Are you sure you want to wait that long?"

 _No._ Zeref could only watch as she wriggled against his hold, breasts heaving, skin looking smooth and perfect. Her mouth was parted just enough that he could see a flash of her neat white teeth. He wanted her to bite him, as she did her lion. "Why do you have to tempt me?"

She smiled sweetly. "Why do you torment yourself?"

"Because it's what I deserve," he replied depreciatively. This was what befell men that didn't want to obey the laws of nature, they lived in misery.

"Maybe," she didn't deny. "But why does it have to come at my expense?"

He shifted, his hardness pressing against her breasts. "Lucy…"

Lucy got a wicked glint to her eye, sensing his hesitation. "Let go."

He released her hands, wondering exactly who was a slave to whom. Before he could say or do anything, Lucy was slipping the neckline of her halter top over her head. In seconds she had it bullied down below her full breasts. They were as perfect as he remembered, full and creamy and when he touched them, pliable and soft, large but not grossly so. Lucy crooned, as if she'd been waiting for his touch, as if they hadn't _just_ been together.

"I wish this wasn't a dream."

"I wish I wasn't doing this at all," he told her.

"You like it, Zeref. You even like me being with other men. I don't know why you make it so hard—"

"Shut up." She wouldn't understand. She didn't know what it was like to have complete control all of the time while starving for a lack of it. She didn't know what it was like to have everything just… _obey._ She didn't know what it was like to steal absolutely everything from his brother, even when he was trying to be gracious. _Even Lucy…_

She was something he was having a hard time giving back. Piper's Hold might fix that.

Or it might ruin everything entirely.

"Does it make you angry when I don't do exactly what you want?" she challenged.

Zeref didn't know how to tell her it made him relieved. It was those words that convinced him to go against his better judgement. Opening the front of his pants, he worked them down low enough that he was able to pull himself out. Lucy eyed him hungrily. He didn't have to wonder if she was thinking about her lion in that moment.

Gathering her breasts, Lucy held them together while Zeref slipped between them and left them both something to think about in the days to come.


	15. Chapter 15

When she woke, Lucy's skin was slicked in sweat and her body tingled. Blinking her eyes clear, she realized that there was something cold and hard in her hand. Lifting it high, she looked at Loke's celestial key. Only… it wasn't as she remembered. The metal had turned black, the white and red at its peak replaced by a jet stone, darker than any moonless night.

" _Oh_." Looking at it gave her chills. Sitting up, she brandished the key as she normally would and reached for the polluted magic that connected her to her spirits. It wasn't there, but she could _feel_ Loke on the fringe, wanting to come out. Smiling, she opened up that doorway for him as best as she knew how. No words were spoken, but they shared a deeper bond now. Loke appeared, born from the deepest shadows in the darkest corner. He stepped out as graceful as ever, and looked upon Lucy with dark eyes. The skin at his neck was still threaded with black veins. Lucy liked looking at them, they reminded her of Zeref.

"You're alright."

"You lied. You didn't know if it would work," Loke replied.

Lucy grinned. "I _thought_ it would."

He looked annoyed for a moment. It passed.

"You were banished."

"I know."

"Are you sad?"

Loke was truthful. "Not yet." Maybe never.

Lucy reached for him. "This is better, Loke." He should be like her.

He didn't hesitate to grab her hand. On contact, magic spread between them, making him giddy and dull. "Yes."

Lucy pulled him down so he was kneeling knee-to-knee with her. "So if you're banished from the celestial realm, where did you go?" She identified that strange feeling in her stomach; it was worry. She hadn't felt anything like _this_ for days—at least, nothing so selfless.

He touched her hesitantly, finding her cheek and pushing back her hair, moving like he expected her to scold him but just couldn't help himself. "I don't know," he said finally. "Nowhere I've ever been. It… felt like the celestial realm but not. And it was dark."

Lucy leaned her forehead against his. "You were alone?"

"I don't know."

"I didn't think you'd be pushed out like that. Were you scared?" Maybe she was a bad master.

"At first. And then I knew I belonged there. I could feel it."

His answer almost disappointed her. "The only place you belong is here with me." She kissed him and tasted Zeref on his mouth.

The air shimmered over Loke's shoulder and Virgo appeared. The maid was just as tainted black as the last time Lucy saw her. She twitched and clutched her elbows and breathed too frantically. She'd used up a lot of her power and the drain of magical energy was making it difficult for her to balance the darkness and the light of the celestial realm.

"Princess—"

Lucy leaned away from Loke despite his muffled protest and regarded Virgo. "What are you doing here?"

"I—I wanted to tell you—Mister Natsu—he was looking for you."

Hearing Natsu's name was like being scalded. She stiffened, holding Loke's hand tighter. "He was?" _Stay away from Natsu._ She didn't _want_ to.

"While you were in the spirit realm he came here with Gray Fullbuster and…" Virgo twitched again. "He wanted me to take him to you. I could not." She looked ashamed at the last.

"Where did he go?" The words were out before she could stop them. _Zeref… he'll be angry._ On the other hand, maybe she was a little angry with him, too, telling her to stay away from him until she went to this stupid town. And for what? What great purpose would that serve? She knew she'd do as he asked and go to Piper's Hold, but did she have to obey his _every_ command?

 _Yes,_ she thought because she wanted to make him happy, _no,_ she thought, because Natsu was…

He was...

Hers.

Virgo perked up; this at least was something she could offer assistance with. "As I was leaving, I heard he and Gray say they were going to go back to Fairy Tail and tell Master Makarov about the demon king."

The idea of anyone talking about Zeref made Lucy angry. The need to keep him to herself and keep him safe was overwhelming. "When did they leave?"

Virgo shrugged. "Time passes differently in the celestial realm."

Of course.

Lucy dropped Loke's hand and stood.

"Where are you going?" Loke asked.

"To see Natsu, I suppose." As justification for her greedy and self-serving actions, she told herself that she wasn't going simply because she wanted to see Natsu, but because she didn't want everyone at Fairy Tail ruining everything. And it was true enough. Makarov would never just let the attack in the streets pass in silence, he'd want to retaliate, and if that happened, Zeref would destroy them. _And where would you be while that happened?_ Standing by his side. She didn't want to have to, though. … _Right?_ She couldn't say, not for sure. _Who are you, Lucy Heartfilia?_

Loke stood with her and grabbed her hand. "I'll take you."

She smiled. "You are a good spirit, Loke."

Praised and feeling proud, Loke dissolved into shadow, bringing Lucy with him. She closed her eyes and let it happen.

* * *

"What the hell are we dragging our feet for?" Gray demanded from the opposite side of one of Fairy Tail's booths. "I mean, I got it at first, Master wasn't here, but he's been back for ten minutes, Natsu, come on."

Natsu snorted hot air from his nose and tried to find a way to explain it to Gray. How could he, though, when he didn't understand himself? "I know. I just wanted to give him a few minutes to chill out, alright?"

Gray knew he was lying. "Bullshit. What is it really?"

 _The need to protect Lucy._ Denial. Fear. _Want._ He felt like his mouth was stapled shut. "We just don't know everything yet."

Gray's eyes widened. "Did you get brain damaged? When the fuck have you _ever_ cared about that?"

"Shut up. I just don't even know what to say. Zeref was in Magnolia, Zeref was in Lucy's apartment. What's the old man going to say? ' _Keep an eye out for him, my boy?_ '" His Makarov impression was so awful, Gray nearly laughed.

Reality was sobering though. "Look, man, if he was knocking on Lucy's door, you _know_ it wasn't for anything good."

His words made Natsu's guts twist. He didn't want to think about it. Absolutely none of it. _What if…_

He dismissed the idea before it could put down a taproot.

"Yeah."

"So, let's go tell Master."

"Yeah." He _knew_ Gray was right. "Just, let me take a piss first."

Gray dropped his head dramatically to the table. "Hurry the fuck up, stop procrastinating."

Natsu didn't respond.

* * *

He wasn't lying, not entirely, he did actually have to piss. Going to the urinal, he did what he needed to do, then he washed his hands. That finished, he planted his palms on the small sink and looked at his reflection. The man staring back looked as though he could sleep for two days straight and not be totally rested. _It's Lucy fucking you up._ Always Lucy. _Just tell Master what happened, then you can_ (her body writhed over his, her fingers dug into his ribs) _help her._

Yes. Master would help her get better. With his memories circling, it was hard to convince himself that she needed that.

Coming out of the washroom, he stepped foot into Fairy Tail and felt the air dampen. No one else seemed to sense it. Gray was exactly where he left him, his face pressed into the wooden table, Mira manned the bar, Cana drank a barrel-sized beer, Levy, Jet and Droy had their heads together, chatting. And Natsu Dragneel? He felt like he was being tugged, a puppet on a string, yanked viciously out of Fairy Tail. He knew she hadn't asked him to come, not yet, and yet he couldn't say no. Gray hadn't seen him yet. Praying that no one would say a word, he turned towards the back exit and crossed the room in long, fast strides. He almost sighed in relief when he pushed open the door and let it close quietly and no one stopped him, but there was no air in his lungs.

The world outside felt too bright, even though the sky was overcast with high, light grey clouds. Behind Fairy Tail the grass was longer. The guild, atop its giant hill, overlooked Magnolia. Natsu could see the city sprawling out down below, the carts moving like ants in a huge colony. He wasn't interested in that, though, he was more interested in the black shade that was moving at break-neck speed, skating over the ground like a shadow. He hardly had time to draw air into his lungs when the shade abruptly stopped inches from his body and took form. Loke unfolded, Lucy hanging from his side. Natsu felt a hot stab of jealousy; it was overruled by shock when he noticed Loke's skin, black and ivory. And his eyes, dark like Lucy's.

"What the fuck happened to you?"

Loke didn't respond.

Natsu turned to Lucy, unable to look away from her for long. "What did you do?"

"The better question is, what did _you_ do?" There was a sharpness in her voice. "Does Master Makarov know that Zeref was here in Magnolia?"

He didn't want to tell her he'd been unable to say a word. " _Why_ was he here, Lucy?"

"Answer me." Her voice cracked over him like a whip. " _Does he know?_ "

Natsu clamped his teeth together, wanting to be silent.

Lucy read him well. "You haven't said anything, not yet."

"Gramps wasn't in the guild."

She cocked her head as if listening, her long, golden hair getting pushed over her eyes by the breeze. "You're a liar."

Only half of one. Natsu crossed his arms over his chest to keep from touching her and pushing her hair back. Just thinking about it, his heart quickened, and his skin prickled hotly. Being around her was like standing in too-humid air, uncomfortable and suffocating, and even still he couldn't stop thinking about her.

She took a step closer, fingers reaching for his bruised jaw. Loke got a pained look on his face, as if being away from her was uncomfortable. Natsu knew exactly how he felt. His brow beaded with sweat. He stayed perfectly still, waiting for the moment contact was made, even as he told himself to lean away from her, to go get Master Makarov, to do anything other than be a slave. He didn't have it in him. As soon as she touched him, magic hopped from her skin into his. He resisted the urge to pull away and rub the area; it felt better this way. It felt worse.

"This is from Zeref." She said it… reverently. "Did he hurt you?"

Natsu thought of the army of shadows, and the shame. He'd been punched unconscious. How fucking lame? "No," he lied.

Lucy came closer still, close enough to wrap her arms up around his throat. It wasn't until Natsu hit the wall at his back that he realized she'd pushed him against it. Tearing his eyes from hers, he met Loke's gaze, half expecting— _hoping_ —he'd do something, _say_ something. The lion spirit looked torn, like he wanted to see what Lucy would do, but he also wanted her to get away. In the end, he remained immobile.

"I didn't want him to hurt you," Lucy breathed. _She_ wanted that honour.

"Get away from me, Lucy." Natsu's throat was smaller than a reed. He couldn't _breathe_. He couldn't _think._ He needed to be away from her so he could _focus._ There were things he needed to know, like why Zeref was so interested in her.

"No." Lucy felt Zeref miles and miles away. _This_ time he was furious like he hadn't been with Loke. She expected him to interrupt, _hoped,_ actually. Gone were her reservations of standing at his side while Fairy Tail rallied. It wouldn't matter as long as he was there. He didn't materialize. Desperate, Lucy took it further, hoping to draw him out by standing on tiptoe and laying a gentle kiss to Natsu's jaw right over the bruise Zeref left behind. Zeref growled but stayed where he was while the dragon slayer unfolded his arms and grabbed her hips. Lucy didn't think he was even aware he'd moved.

"Lucy—"

"Yes?" Magic pulsed inside of her, excited by Zeref's anger. Now it was begging to be released. _You'll kill him. You'll kill him. You'll kill him. Your best friend._ She _knew_ all of that. She _wanted_ to let the magic out, though. And soon it wasn't going to be about want, it was just going to happen. She tucked her palms inside the collar of his vest then dragged her hands down over his exposed chest. He felt good, too hot against her cold skin, but good. She ventured further, to the waist of his pants.

The only reason Natsu was able to even _sort_ of gather his thoughts was because Loke was there, watching so intently. Natsu forced himself to grab her wrist just as her fingers dipped into his waistband. "Why was Zeref in Magnolia? Why was he in your apartment?"

Lucy shivered hearing Natsu speak the demon king's name. She reached behind him with her free hand, grabbed a handful of his ass and brought him, and his erection, tight against her body. "Does it matter?"

Natsu smothered a gasp that sounded less like a protest and more like a moan. _No._ "Yes." Releasing her hips, he grabbed Lucy's bicep with the intent of pushing her away, yet when the time came to make the motion, he didn't. His body was being totally uncooperative. He _wanted_ her there. "What did he want with you?"

She smiled; it didn't reach her eyes. "Do you want me to show you?" If she closed her eyes she could see Zeref lift his head up from his palms, clear as day, a murderous expression on his face. He was thinking about coming to Magnolia. To _her._ To Fairy Tail… Suddenly she forgot why it would be a bad thing. She shimmied closer to Natsu, aware of both Loke and Zeref watching them. It made her skin ignite, between her legs totally soaked. She didn't even have to fight when she worked herself out of Natsu's grasp. Reaching between his legs she squeezed, then licked his jaw. _You're going to…_

 _To kill him._

The magic beat like a heart. _Gods._

"Lucy…" Her name came out of Natsu's mouth like a moan.

"Yes?" Lucy squeezed, then started to rub him through his pants. He was so hard, it made her giddy. _He_ liked being watched, too. She licked his jaw, sliding over his bruise, then kissed the corner of his mouth. He gasped, startled by the transfer of magic. It hurt just enough to startle him into some sort of coherency.

"S—stop. We need to talk." _Talk_. About why Zeref was after her. About this sudden change in her demeanor, in her magic.

Lucy nipped his lip. "I don't think there's much to say."

"Yes—you, you attacked Loke." He met Loke's eyes, waiting for the spirit to say something. He was silent, just standing there with his arms crossed over his chest, a complicated expression on his face.

"He's fine now." Lucy licked his lips, sliding her tongue between them teasingly. Natsu groaned. _Remember you're mad. Remember she needs_ help _. Remember—_

Her hand moved faster over his body.

He wanted so badly for her to keep going. _Remember Loke is watching_. Why the _fuck_ was he just watching? _Why the_ fuck _are you just letting her continue?_

"Fuck, Lucy—" He grabbed her wrist, momentarily stopping her, and squeezed out, "Zeref. What was Zeref doing in your apartment after I left?"

His words were like small bullet holes in her skin, making her heart pound painfully. She felt darkness sweep through her, chased up by the memory of what she and Zeref had done. The force was stoked by Zeref's anger, _and_ accentuated by that presence she felt in Natsu, the one that Zeref's magic in her body was so hungry for. It fought so hard to get loose.

To center herself, Lucy bit her lip until it hurt and breathed slowly from her nose, fighting to keep calm. It was a losing battle. She felt her skin trying to change. _You're going to kill him. Yes. Absolutely._ She thought she shouldn't want that. "Please let me go."

Natsu refused. "How did you kill Shadow Father, Lucy?"

"Natsu, please," she gasped. She couldn't contain it for much longer.

"How? It wasn't Zeref. Loke told me it was you." Now that he'd started, it was like a hot wash of words coming from his mouth.

"Natsu—"

"What have you done?" His voice was rising threateningly but he couldn't get it back under control. She scared him, standing there in a halo of golden hair and pulsing blackness. Something was so horribly wrong. Most terrifying, though, was how horribly _right_ he thought it felt.

"Let go!" She squirmed against his hold; her breath was exploding from her chest now. The world was narrowing tightly and blackness was rolling over her skin. Natsu only pulled her closer, unable to help himself.

"Not until I get an answer!"

Lucy couldn't hold it back anymore. It was coming and Natsu was going to die. She looked into his face and tried to memorize it. It was pinched in rage, in fear and lust. It made the darkest part of her heart expand to the point where she couldn't even think of the consequences, not in that very second.

"This is how I killed him." She pressed her palms against his chest and let her magic say the words she could not.


	16. Chapter 16

Horrified, delighted, Lucy watched Zeref's magic dart into Natsu. It entered his chest and expanded throughout his whole body, blackening his skin, darkening his eyes until they were two jet stones, his lips turned blue, his chest heaved, he gasped and sputtered and clutched first at her hands, holding her close, pushing her away, then at his chest when he just couldn't get any purchase. Lucy imagined he was trying to claw his heart out; she imagined he was coaxing it to keep beating. Holding her hands against his body she felt it stutter, she felt it hiccup, she felt it grind to a halt.

She couldn't release him, yet gravity took him away. His legs buckled and he slumped like a sack of flour, limply. His mouth moved once, mouthing her name. His eyes blinked, then flicked closed. As soon as he broke gaze with her Lucy was able to move. Her hand went to her mouth to stifle the sob that overcame her. She turned away, positive he was dead, and met Loke's eyes.

"Lucy…" the lion spoke her name softly.

"Don't, Loke." She couldn't hear him tell her she was a monster; she couldn't hear him _confirm_ that Natsu was dead.

"Are we just going to leave him?"

"Shut up, Loke." She just needed to _think._ She imagined walking into Fairy Tail and announcing that Natsu was gone. _When they ask how, will you tell them?_ The scene played through her mind. Who would act first? Passionate Erza? Collected Gray? Master Makarov who _played_ at being a thorough-thinker but was in reality just as brash as Laxus when the pressure was just right? _They'll hate you._ They wouldn't understand. And why should she _expect_ them to? They didn't know what it was like.

"Lucy, you know we can't just leave him." For a moment, Loke sounded just like his old self, and wasn't that fucking unfair? Why did _he_ get to be rational and she was just… listless?

"Go away, Loke."

"I'll help you carry him in. We don't have to say what happened, but we should—"

"GET AWAY!" She surged forward, palm outstretched. As soon as it touched his chest Loke gasped like he'd been electrocuted. Then he started to break apart, nothing but shadow.

The world fell silent, save for Lucy's erratic breathing and the dry croak of a lonely cricket. _You have to get out of here._ Before anyone could come out back and see…

Though she longed to turn back and catch one final look at Natsu, to push his hair back from his forehead, maybe lay a kiss against his slack mouth, she couldn't. she was too afraid to see Natsu so lifeless.

Swallowing didn't help alleviate her parched throat. It seemed there was no fix for that except movement. It was hard taking that first step away from Natsu; her body still wanted to be near him, Zeref's magic still thought there could be something _more_. _Walk, Lucy._

She did, forcing her foot to come unstuck. Then it was easy. Almost too easy. Desperate to get away from herself, from Natsu, from Fairy Tail and everything she used to love but lost, she started to run, and while she ran she cried, large messy tears that _should_ have felt more genuine than they did. She had to wonder if she cried just because she thought it was the right thing to do.

People looked at her oddly on the streets and continued to until she was at her apartment and nestled within the safety of it's walls. Her room was just as ruined as it was before, the floorboards broken, bruised and damaged, the bed _ruined_ , her dresser—gods, where Natsu had pushed her up against its wooden surface—as blank and bare of her belongings as it had been the day before when Natsu swiped it clean.

Everywhere she looked he was all she saw.

 _Just get out. Get your stuff, go to Piper's Hold. Everything will be better there. Zeref will come to you and…_

And…

 _Zeref._ He could make her better. She reached for him, wanting comfort, and continued wanting. He didn't respond. Maybe he was angry. Maybe he was scared. Scared of the monster he'd created. Who would have thought little Lucy Heartfilia could be so beastly? _More_ tears pressed against her eyes.

 _Just go._ She threw things at random into a backpack. Before she left she picked up her gate keys, not because she imagined they'd be any use to her, but because she couldn't leave them behind; she needed _something_ familiar when everything was in such turmoil. Loke's key went on a golden chain around her neck, hanging between her breasts; it was cold. _I'm sorry, Loke_. She felt bad for sending him away as she did, but she couldn't stand…

Tearing open the door she collided hard with Gray Fullbuster. His fist was raised high, poised to knock. When she smashed into him, he caught her around the waist and stabilized her.

"Woah."

"Oh!" Lucy, feeling Zeref's magic once more (was it _always_ going to be this way when she was near others?) pulled roughly out of his grasp; it was too late, though, Gray had felt it. It was in the way his face had gone taut, pale, his slate coloured eyes wide. Lucy didn't stop to chat but tried to skirt around him.

Gray recovered. "Lucy, wait!"

"I can't," she said, keeping herself facing forward, keeping up her momentum as she took the stairs to the ground level.

"Lucy—hang on! I want to talk to you!"

"Well, I don't want to talk to you," she replied.

"Hang on!" He grabbed her arm and pulled her up short, almost making her fall _up_ the stairs when he reefed her around.

Lucy's wrist burned where he grabbed her. "Let _go_ of me."

She didn't have to ask twice; it was near impossible to keep his hold. Lucy was a pulsing black star, her energy making every part of his body sing, even the bits he wanted to keep quiet. Pulling away from her and praying that he wasn't too obvious, he met her midnight black eyes. "Where are you going?"

"Out," she said simply.

"Obviously. To _where_?"

Lucy turned away from him and started taking the stairs two at a time.

" _Lucy_ ," Gray hissed. "Would you just _stop?_ I wanted to talk to you."

"What the hell is so important?" She didn't want to ask but she knew if she kept running, Gray would keep following.

"First, have you seen Natsu?"

 _That_ brought her up short. "Natsu?"

Gray caught up then got a few steps ahead, stopping so he was looking up at her. She was beautiful in a very different way than she'd ever been before. In a way that made his blood cold and his body alight with chills. _Terrible_. Gray cleared his throat. "Yeah, Natsu."

Lucy calmed herself. "I haven't seen him."

"You're lying."

She started to move past him again.

"Lucy," Gray said, "he told me this crazy story."

Her shoulders stiffening was the only indication Gray had that she heard. "He said that Zeref attacked Loke. Then he said he was here, in your apartment."

Hearing Zeref's name had the same effect it always did. Lucy swallowed a purr.

"Is it true?"

 _Every bit_. Lucy put one foot in front of the other.

"Lucy, for fuck sakes, would you just _answer_ me?"

"What do you want me to say, Gray?"

He was silent, then… "It _is_ true?"

"Just leave me alone."

She'd been hoping that saying _something_ would make him less curious, but her limp confession had the opposite effect. He was right by her side again. She kept her eyes up and away from where he pressed against his pants, despite the thrill it gave her to know she—Zeref's dark magic—had such a powerful appeal to everyone she came into contact with. Hadn't she taken enough?

Gray grabbed her elbow. "Where are you going, Lucy?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes. Listen, if you're in trouble, if Zeref is after you, we need to tell Gramps, we need to get Fairy Tail together, we need to—"

Lucy tore out of his grasp and walked faster. The stairs evened out; she pushed open the outside door and came into the dull grey day. Gray didn't leave her side. "Would you just fuck off?" she snapped finally, at the edge of her patience.

He didn't reply.

It didn't matter how she changed her gait, he kept pace. "Are you just going to follow me forever?" she asked finally.

"Until you tell me where you're going and what's going on," he replied, "yeah."

Lucy shook her head. "Being with me isn't a very safe place to be." There, he'd been warned.

"Whatever's going on, you're still my friend, Lucy. I want to keep you safe. If Zeref is after you, then this is where I need to be. You won't come to the guild, and you won't stay away from wherever it is you're going, so I'm coming along with you."

"You're a stubborn idiot." Hopefully not a dead one. She imagined Gray just like Natsu, blackened skin, loose mouth. It would be easy; easier than it had been with Natsu. She didn't love Gray the same way as she did the dragon slayer.

"I've been called worse things," he admitted.

Lucy let the conversation lapse. Gray allowed for it, figuring she'd open up when she was ready.

* * *

Though Piper's Hold was half a day to the east, they had started out late and the train only went to a place called Webber Valley, located three hours west of their destination.

Getting off there, they walked through the town and into the trails beyond. Normally Lucy would have wanted to stay in a hotel, but tonight she felt confined and longed for the freedom sleeping under the open sky could offer.

 _You just have to get to Piper's Hold_ , she told herself when everything seemed like too much, when she couldn't stop reliving—relishing—the feel of Natsu's chest stilling, _and then Zeref will come to you and he'll help you forget everything that happened. Everything will be okay._

Gray didn't talk to her until the sun set, there was a fire roaring before them, and he was able to drop himself down onto the grass beside her. It had been difficult to be near her all day, she was like a magnet with a too-strong pull, but the longer he was around her, the more… _manageable_ it became. It felt safe to break the silence with a piece of hard bread in his hand and a bottle of water at his side, things to root him in reality.

"You up to talking now?"

"No," Lucy said blandly.

"Come on, Lucy. Don't you trust me?" he pried. "We've been through a lot together."

She looked at him from the corner of her eye. "Why are you so bent out of shape over it?"

He laughed humorlessly. "How am I supposed to react? This morning I find Natsu hungover in the streets, his face black and blue like someone decked him, he's rambling about Zeref and shadows and Loke and _you_ getting attacked. When we show up at your apartment, you're not there. Virgo appears all fucked up, like she's tainted or something, and says you're in the celestial realm. She won't take us to see you because she can't, she's used up too much of her power, so I suggest that while we wait for you, we go talk to Master and tell him Zeref's been lurking around, and then Natsu gives me the fucking slip. He wasn't ever really on board with the idea, and I want to know _why_. What the _hell_ is happening?"

Lucy swallowed. "You should get out of here, Gray. You're not safe with me."

"What the _fuck_ , Lucy? What the _hell_ does that mean? Is Zeref coming for you?" He turned so he was looking at her squarely and grabbed her wrist hard. "If he's on his way then we should get out of here. You and me can't take him by ourselves, we need help—"

"He's not coming."

She said it so matter-of-factly, Gray believed her. But… "How do you know?"

"Because he's trying to avoid me." She tilted her face up and looked to the sky. It was still overcast, but in the north the clouds were breaking up. Soon the stars would be out.

"Why would he be avoiding you?"

Lucy clutched her fingers in the grass at her side. "I guess maybe he's afraid of what he's done." _Or maybe he hates me, or maybe he hates that he loves me._ In his own, twisted way.

"What he's done?" Gray's heart was beating too fast. "What do you mean, Lucy? What did he do?"

There wasn't much sense hiding. She turned her head so she could gaze into his eyes so there would be absolutely no question if she was telling the truth or not. "He gave me the power to destroy a demon named Shadow Father when our world was on the brink of destruction. And now…" An unwelcomed tear fell over her cheek. "Now I've done some awful things, Gray. And… I liked them."

Gray squeezed her wrist hard. "…What?"

"What about Shadow Father, or what kinds of things have I done?" She prayed for the second.

"How about _both_ ," Gray said finally. He felt like a slack-jawed imbecile but he just couldn't make his thoughts be coherent.

She leaned into him, unable to help herself, and finger walked up his leg. "I took Zeref's magic and I destroyed a demon." She said it slowly, like she was speaking to a child. "And then… I hurt people, Gray." _Killed._ More than she cared to name. "And then poor Loke… he just wanted to be a good spirit."

"Loke?" Breathing was done shallowly, his lungs too small. Lucy skipped over his groin, just barely touching his not-so-easy to hide erection. _What the hell is wrong with you?_ He shouldn't be getting hot over her but he just couldn't help it. Her lips looked plump and almost black in the dull light, her eyes shone, her skin was the smoothest he'd ever seen… and her voice… like tiny glass shards that pierced his skin. Getting eviscerated had never felt so sweet.

"He's better now. It hurt, but he didn't want me to suffer alone, and for that I'm grateful."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm different now, and I'm happy to be that way." Mostly. As an afterthought she said, "I'm leaving Fairy Tail. I'm going to Piper's Hold, Gray. I don't know what's there, but… whatever it is, it's something more fitting for a girl like me."

Gray fought to sew himself in reality. "Are you fucking with me? Because if you are, this isn't funny, Lucy." He knew she wasn't joking, though.

Unashamedly she leaned her head on his shoulder and felt his body struggle for breath. "You should leave now."

He was scared for her, but hardly anyone was braver than Gray. "No. You're not going to Piper's Hold, Lucy. You're going to come back to the guild, we're going to talk to Master Makarov, and we'll make this better. Whatever Zeref's done to you—"

Lucy turned and cupped his cheek, letting a little bit of her magic flow out and brush over his skin. He shivered and quieted, his lips parted. "Stop now, okay?"

He clammed up tight.

 _You can send him away_. She was afraid to now, though. What if she did and he went back to tell Master Makarov _everything_?

 _Then you crush Fairy Tail when they come looking for you_.

 _That_ didn't make her feel better.

 _Then kill Gray and he won't be able to tell anyone anything._ She didn't want to do _that_ either, though. "Gray…"

He trembled under her hold.

"I didn't… I didn't want to hurt anyone, not really." Not mostly. "But everyone I care about suffers." She wondered if it was like this for Zeref, too.

"Lucy, please…" Gray's voice was as quiet as a whisper.

"I can't let you leave now," she told him, leaning in close so her forehead rested against his. "If I do, you're going to go back to Fairy Tail."

"You need—" _Help._

"Everyone thinks I need _something_. The only thing I need right now is the one thing I can't have. Zeref won't come to me until I go to Piper's Hold, and you're not stopping me from going." She looked into his eyes as she spoke. She expected to see fear, but with every word he became more and more docile, like he was under a spell. _It's you_. He was a moth to the flame, just like she was with Zeref. "I'm sorry, Gray."

Being sorry didn't stop her from doing what she did next, though. Leaning in, she moved her mouth over his. The kiss was slow and would have been sweet if Gray didn't go as rigid as a stick afterwards and fall beside her.

She knew he wasn't dead; she could feel his heart even from that distance. A glance at his face told her that his eyes were still open and studying her. He was just… paralyzed, or nearly. His fingers fisted in the grass at her side, his tongue darted out and tasted her kiss on his lips. A look down his body revealed his erection. Between her legs ached. Lucy looked away from it and laid down herself.

"I need to think about what to do with you." It wasn't like with Natsu, she didn't _need_ to treat him like this, she didn't _need_ to taste him in the same way. She just wanted to.

* * *

An hour later, Lucy still stared up at the star-studded sky and loathed herself. Her body twisted with heat and desire. Between her legs was moist. The object of her turmoil was obvious to her: Gray's disobedience, then his quiet pining. He _wanted_ her and she wanted to be wanted. She wanted to fill up that hole both Zeref and Natsu left in her heart. _Call Loke_. That seemed like the logical answer, he'd take care of her, he always did, but then she ran the risk of him lecturing her about Natsu.

Gray… he didn't know exactly what kind of monster she was, not yet.

 _No._

Tormented, she pulled up the hem of her skirt and slipped her fingers into her panties. They were damp. As soon as she touched herself she felt relief. Slowly, methodically, she rubbed her clit. It felt even better knowing that Gray was beside her. That he watched her, immobile. Turning, she looked into his eyes to make sure he hadn't gone to sleep yet.

No, not yet. He knew exactly what she was doing. Against the dim light of the fire he bulged in his pants, hard. Lucy smiled. She wouldn't have him, but this was closely satisfying.

Her fingers moved faster and warmth crawled up from deep inside to flush her skin. While she worked she thought about what it would have been like if he had kissed her back, what his cool hands would have felt like roving over her body, what he would have looked like if she'd pulled his erection from his pants, if she crawled on top of him if his tongue would have been fast and sure between her legs. She thought about releasing the hold she had on him; he wouldn't resist, she knew. In fact, she was fairly confident that he'd paw at her and gasp and take off her clothes himself.

Oddly enough, it was for that exact reason she kept him as he was. Gray Fullbuster didn't _have to_ die, but if she released him, he would. The thought pushed her over the edge. Coming hard, she allowed herself to moan loudly. The grass beneath her shoulders turned black and died; she thought maybe Gray would suffer anyway, despite her best intentions, but she was able to keep the radius of that death-seeking magic small. When the last wave of pleasure seared through her she closed her eyes and breathed deeply, not really feeling better, but at least not like she was going to force Gray into being with her.

It was while sifting through the dregs of ecstasy that she felt his presence. Opening her eyes she searched the darkness but there was nothing for her to see. That was fine, she didn't have to see to find him. Rising on unsteady legs, she practically tripped to get to his side. His power was arcing through the trees, agitated and impatient and not as tightly controlled as it had been. She rushed to find the demon king, uncaring of the branches that grabbed her and pulled at her hair.

In the thicket just beyond her camp she paused and listened. A sharp breeze made her hair whip across her eyes. She pushed it back. When she was able to see again he was standing before her, silhouetted in the dark night.

"I thought you said—"

He grabbed her wrist and pushed her back against a tree. His hands were hot. Hotter than they had ever been before. Lucy squirmed and bit back a pained gasp. Power was teased out of her body and he took it in greedily.

"That hurts," she protested, but she didn't want him to stop.

He growled and leaned into her neck where he breathed her in then bit her hard. Lucy gasped and arched her spine so her body brushed against his. He was hard already and he hadn't even really begun to touch her.

His bite turned to a lick, then a kiss. He grasped one of her breasts tightly and whispered into her ear, "You're a filthy bitch."

Lucy's heart stopped.

"Natsu?"


	17. Chapter 17

_Natsu._ Lucy's breath exploded from her lungs; the air was heavy with a power that felt like hers but different. Stronger. Wilder. It made her crazy. All she wanted to do was grab Natsu and bring him close; she never ever wanted to be far from him. She flexed her fingers in his hold and bowed into the hand that still held her breast.

Struggling to maintain his fury Natsu said, "You tried to kill me." But that wasn't quite right. _She_ did _kill you_. Yes, only death hurt quite like that. And then he awoke. "You fucking _bitch_ , Lucy."

His voice was deep and growling. It sent shivers over Lucy's skin. "You—you asked—" Natsu bit her again, hard enough that she felt his teeth sink into her skin. She whimpered and took in a noisy breath. He was pressed so tight against her she could _feel_ him get harder. Her body responded similarly.

He sucked her blood away then said, "I never fucking asked for anything like that from you."

She'd never seen him so furious. While she felt elated, she also felt fear. "But you wanted it." Reaching with her free hand she caressed his cheek. Natsu released her breast so he could grab that wrist too. Then he brought her hands together, pinching them with one hand, freeing himself up to keep groping her. He didn't want to and yet he couldn't stop. Fire kept trying to roll over his skin. There were only seconds where he actually tried to stop it, then he thought, _what the hell_ , and let it come. _Make her hurt as well._ And he _did_ hurt. Every piece of his skin felt raw. His magic felt _wrong_. Too much. Much too much. He wanted more.

Lucy winced when the fire burned her. It didn't seem to matter if she hissed, Natsu never let up. In fact, when she made a noise of protest it only served to make him push harder against her. His skin had never felt so hot.

"Natsu-"

The way she said his name made Natsu's skin raise, made his cock harder than a rock, made his head dead. "Yes?" He knew he shouldn't be playing into her. He should (punish) her while he could. Make her cry and beg and plead; leave her like she left him. He was still a moth to the flame. He could do that no more than he could stop breathing.

"How did you survive?"

The fire sputtered. "I—"

When he choked Lucy answered for him. "It's because you're just like me, isn't it?" She could barely believe it. What a lucky girl she was. Natsu and Loke and Zeref. Even if Zeref was going to be angry ( _stay away from Natsu)_ she knew he wouldn't stay that way for long. Even now she knew he was aware the dragon slayer was by her side. _Will he come?_ Would this be the thing to end his absence? She hoped. So badly she hoped.

Natsu didn't understand the manic look in Lucy's eye, but it made his head swim. He pushed her back against the tree again, leaning back so he could see her dark, excited eyes. "I'm nothing like you, Lucy. I would never do to you what you did to me."

"Are you sure about that?" Her tongue flicked out and brushed his lips.

Natsu closed his eyes. _No._

Her fingers flexed in his again. There was no hope of wriggling out of his ironclad grip so she lifted her leg and used her knee to gently rub over the bulge in his pants. "I wouldn't ever hurt you on purpose."

"Stop _lying_." He shoved her leg aside and ground against her, his hips pinning her to the tree.

"N-Natsu…" In that moment she got to see how much his power had changed. It was rawer and brutal. It was infinitely harder to be near him but she couldn't have stepped away even if she wanted to, he had her thoroughly trapped with his body. _"_ You're different."

How he wished he could deny her claim, but it was true. Something was very wrong. _Not wrong_. A lick of flame travelled from his hand over her chest, burning an uneven hole over her breasts so the creamy, full tops threatened to fall out of her clothes. Lucy bucked and whimpered, the motion setting her body to bounce distractingly. Natsu squeezed her breast hard. "This is _your_ fault," he said.

"Yes?" she stammered with her pretty, insincere lips. Lips that Natsu leaned in and kissed the corner of.

"Yes," he affirmed.

"Do you like it?"

"I burned down half of the forest in Magnolia when I woke," he told her, too truthful by half.

Lucy shivered. "Why?"

"Because I wanted to." That wasn't true. Not entirely. He wanted to and he didn't. But could he force his magic to do anything but blaze when he woke staring at the overcast sky? Not at all. It was all he could do to stumble away from Fairy Tail, fire leaking out of his skin, and get to somewhere remotely safe: Magnolia's north forest. So many things died in that first wave of powerful magic, burned to a husk. He would have wondered if people did too, but there was only so much compassion available to him.

When all that fire had burned out he felt like himself again for the briefest moment. He wasn't burning up inside, he wasn't totally apathetic, he could _think_ , at least for a little while before the magic all built up inside him again and he had to release it. In his reprieve his mind wandered to betrayal. Betrayed by his magic, betrayed by Lucy. He kept thinking about her bowing beneath the man in her apartment, her hanging off Loke minutes before she showed him what she did to Shadow Father. And, of course, the hole she left inside of him; it was so large that his fire just bled out. He felt violent and angry and wretched.

"And then you came back to me," Lucy purred, rubbing against him.

Natsu took in a shallow breath. "So you could make it better."

"I can only make it worse." Which, maybe in a way was a _kind_ of better. For her, at least.

"Then so you can suffer just like me."

"If it's you making me suffer, Natsu, I'll lay down for punishment."

"You're not supposed to enjoy it." And neither was he, but there was a wicked smile on his mouth, he couldn't deny.

She turned her head so her lips were pressing against his ear and whispered, "But I do. Does that make you angry with me?"

"Very." Was that his voice? It was strangled and dark, desperate and silken.

Shifting, Lucy spread her legs in invitation. "Touch me."

"I should kill you."

"Fuck me first. I don't care what happens after," she said in a lewd little whisper that made Natsu's head rush.

"Lucy—"

"Please. _Please._ " Lucy bowed her head back against the solid tree at her back and looked towards the midnight sky. Not only was Natsu making her crazy, but Zeref was _right there_ , right under her skin, pushing at her painfully. _Wonderfully_. She could barely think her body was so hot. _It's almost like he wants Natsu to..._ Almost.

 _I knew you liked it,_ she thought at the dark mage. He is response was silence.

Natsu lungs only half filled. "You're so fucking—" _hot. beautiful. terrible. perfect._

"I don't _care_."

With shaking fingers Natsu found the inside of her thigh and followed it up under her skirt to the fabric of her panties. She was so wet he could hear it. It drove him crazy. His cock pulsed painfully, restricted by his pants. _Gods._ "I don't want to be like this," he said, trying to convince himself, though even as he spoke he found Lucy's earlobe and sucked on it.

Lucy allowed herself a smile. "I know you're a liar."

Natsu didn't respond, he was too busy finding her parted lips and kissing them, pushing his tongue into her mouth. Distracted, he forgot to hold her so tightly.

Lucy worked one wrist free and found his erection. Her fingers were sure and skilled moving over him. "I would have missed this if you died," she said.

It was unorthodox, but her words burned through him and only made him harder. He realized with a start that he liked this new, hateful Lucy. He'd never say as much though. Grunting, he crushed his mouth to hers again and unbuckled his pants. Lucy crooned when she realized what he was doing. She squirmed and tried to grab her skirt to do the same but he pushed her hand away.

When Natsu was free he ran the tips his fingers over his hard body and gave a muted moan. He was sensitive. Still kissing her, he grabbed himself and pumped his hand, imagining coming on her as she was and giving her nothing,

Again, Lucy tried to grab him. He pushed her hand aside and broke their kiss so he could hiss, "Don't."

"Natsu," she pleaded and licked his bottom lip.

Lucy's actions gave Natsu a better idea. Abandoning his body, he grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to the ground. Lucy went willingly and eagerly, opening her mouth like the good girl she wasn't and immediately taking him in deep.

Her mouth was the hottest thing he'd ever felt. Stretching, he grabbed a tree branch above his head for something to hold, then cupped the back of Lucy's head. Her hair was silk in his hands. Grabbing it, he shoved himself deep, deep inside. She protested, gagging slightly, but when he eased back she came back on her own, taking him in deep enough that he watched her eyes fill with tears. Again and again. Her hands dropped between her legs. Natsu watched raptly while she fingered herself.

"Fuck." He felt himself swell and throb in her mouth. "That's so hot."

She didn't seem to hear him, enthralled with her own pleasure. Miffed—why should Lucy have _anything_ —he pulled her back by the hair. His cock came out of her mouth with a loud _pop_ that he tried not to enjoy so much.

"Natsu," Lucy whimpered. "Come back."

"Be quiet." But he _did_ want to be closer to her. Taking her by the arms he pulled her away from the tree. Lucy shuffled awkwardly on her knees, branches and needles digging into her skin. Did Natsu care? Not at all. Any discomfort she had seemed to bring him pleasure. His hand landed between her shoulder blades, then he pushed her down. Lucy got to her hands and knees.

"More." Natsu kept pushing until her cheek rested against the ground.

Lucy had never felt so exposed. "Oh—"

He fell to his knees behind her, then lifted up her skirt so he could see what lay underneath. Even in the moonlight he could see her panties were totally soaked through. She tried to touch herself again but he grabbed both of her wrists and pinned them behind her back, holding her tightly in his much larger hand.

"Natsu…" She gasped his name when he pulled her panties aside again.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked in a strangled voice.

Lucy didn't know if he could if she said yes. She pressed her cheek to the ground and smelled the pine needles under her nose. Shadows surrounded them. Inside the blackest she could feel Zeref. There was less anger now and more excitement. He wanted Natsu to stop and he wanted him to keep going. He wanted to see Lucy squirm and sob.

"No," she said hoarsely.

Maintaining his hold on her wrists, Natsu grabbed his shaft and guided himself to her entrance with teasing in mind. The blonde was having none of that. She backed up on him, forcing him to plunge deep inside. Her body was soft and warm. Natsu breathed shallowly and rocked his hips, unable to help himself. Lucy moaned every time his skin met hers. He moved faster, spurred on by her obvious enjoyment, until she was practically screaming. The sound of flesh on flesh was loud in the otherwise quiet night.

For Lucy it was almost too much. Natsu's fire was bleeding out—she didn't even think he noticed. It wrapped around her like a too-warm lover and greedily ate at her own magic dropping away. And then there was Zeref. He was near by. Sort of. Not him, exactly, but his _essence._ He was the shadows in the forgotten hollows of the tree roots, he was the midnight air. He was everywhere and nowhere, until he _was_ the ground beneath her.

 _'This is a strange way to stay away from Natsu,'_ he whispered in her mind.

 _'I can't, I'm sorry,'_ she thought morosely.

Seeping coldness crept up from the ground. Its frigidness was a sharp contrast to Natsu's scorching flames. A shadowy tendril caressed Lucy's lips and then her breasts. She cried out as it moved lower, slipping past her bellybutton and between her legs where it pressed into her, a cool shadowed hand. Phantom fingers began rubbing her gently. She fisted her hands in the sandy dirt and panted as an intense wave of pleasure moved through her. Natsu _and_ Zeref. She was having them both.

Feeling another, familiar presence, Natsu slowed and tried to pull away, but when he stopped thrusting Lucy did it for him, desperate to keep him there.

"Don't stop, Natsu. I'm—I'm close."

"Lucy," he gasped and squeezed her tighter. He was _sure_ Zeref was there, he could smell him, he could _feel_ him, but he couldn't pull away from the blonde long enough to find him. "Lucy, wait." He tried again to draw back.

"Nonono. Keep going," she begged.

Natsu felt drunk on Lucy. Her excitement was a contagious thing. _You have to stop_. He didn't want to. "Just—wait—"

"No." Dark tendrils rose up from Lucy's fingers and wrapped around Natsu's back, pinning him in place.

"Lucy—!" She felt so good, gyrating her hips like that. His protest turned to a dark moan.

"Shut up, Natsu. Shut up. Shut up and keep going." Though it was impossible for him to move now. Stationary, he watched Lucy roll her hips back again and again, making herself scream.

When she came, Natsu came with her. He could think of nothing but the fire arcing over his skin to alight the needles on the ground and the pleasure that rolled through him. The fire got so out of control that it swallowed all the air, smothering the flames. Natsu opened his eyes and saw what he'd been looking for. Zeref was beneath Lucy, both corporeal and a ghost. Their mouths were stitched together. The dark mage lifted his gaze and met Natsu's before he melded into the shadows.


	18. Chapter 18

Natsu gasped for air. His skin, slicked in sweat, felt too tight. His heart, always before resilient, felt like it was going to fail. Lucy's shadows fell away and the dragon slayer was able to collapse. The tree at his back was the only thing that kept him from sliding to the ground like a boneless mess.

Twitching, Lucy slowly propped herself up so she was more on her hands and knees rather than spread out for Natsu to see. Though she was in a slightly more modest position now, she could still feel his eyes upon her and knew that his thoughts, however tainted in hate, were still mostly desire-filled. Easing back so she was on her knees, she faced her camp and waited for the first words he spoke. His anger was like a physical thing. Idly, she wondered if that was the only thing between them anymore, if the only reason he was drawn to her was because he was too angry to stay away. _That's alright_ , she told herself, _this is how I like him best._ It wasn't even a lie.

Natsu made himself rise and searched for his pants. They were bunched up on the ground several steps away, the legs twisted inside out in his haste to get undressed. He turned them right side in with hands that shook. His head was a riot.

Unable to take the silence any longer, Lucy asked, "Are you just going to run off again?" Her voice trembled in a way she hated. She still faced forward. The fire from her and Gray's camp was dying.

Natsu gave pause and studied her stiff back. Her hair was a wild tangle as it fell between her shoulder blades. Her whole body quaked. He swallowed tightly and finally found the breath and the saliva to croak out, "Zeref?" It wasn't the response she was looking for, but he just couldn't.

"Yes." Lucy forced herself to nod. There was no hiding. And really, why _should_ she?

It took a moment for her confirmation to sink in, but when it did Lucy could _feel_ the heat sloughing off his body as he became more and more irate. "You'll burn the forest down."

He ignored her. "In your apartment? That's who—" _Who you replaced me with._

"Yes."

"And after?"

"Yes." The word came out quiet but Natsu's hearing was sharper than ever.

His fingers itched to grab her by the hair and pull her around. He couldn't touch her. "You told me he was no one. You looked me in the eye and said it didn't matter."

"I lied."

"Holy fuck." His fingers drove through his hair again and again. He didn't realize he'd started pacing, that the pine needles under his feet were igniting and burning away to ash.

Lucy wanted to look at him so badly but she knew what she'd find when she saw into his eyes. She didn't need to see Natsu's hate to know exactly what kind of beast she was. "I love it; I can't stop." She twisted her fingers at her throat and couldn't completely swallow the keen that tore its way from her chest.

"You're disgusting."

Lucy flinched. "You liked it, too."

Natsu drew in a sharp breath. Her words stabbed and cut mercilessly. The worst part was that he couldn't totally deny it. The admission, even if it was a silent one, confused him so badly that he was left reeling.

"Please Natsu, I know you enjoyed it almost as much as I did," Lucy said, sensing his confusion. "I _felt_ it. As soon as you realized he was here, that he was touching me—"

"Shut up."

"No. You can't hide that from me. We're all connected now, you, me, Loke, Zeref—"

"And Loke's okay with sharing you?" It was spoken heatedly, challengingly.

"Loke is a good spirit. He loves me. He—"

"Well I can't," Natsu spat. "Not—not with Zeref." He spoke the words because he thought he should, though he wished his voice sounded stronger, more confident.

Lucy finally turned to look at him. His chest was bare and his belt was still unbuckled. Her eyes clung to his stomach where his hips dropped into a V and disappeared into the waistband of his pants. A small thrill rolled through her again and she had to clench her fingers into the needle-choked ground to keep herself from crawling over to him and kissing his skin.

"Natsu—" she hauled herself upright. Her knees quaked, her body still residually high from pleasure.

He swallowed and looked away from her torn clothes. Her breasts were practically spilling out of her shirt, her skirt was still lifted too high on the side, exposing a long line of leg. "This has gone on too long. I don't know why I keep thinking about you, and I don't know why—" _I just want to be with Zeref_.

"You don't know why what?" Lucy wet her lips nervously.

"I don't know why you can't keep your clothes on." Natsu snapped, annoyed with himself, with her.

Lucy scowled at him. "You're the one that came for me."

"Only for answers!"

" _Liar. You_ kissed _me._ _You_ touched _me._ Stop being in denial, things will go better for you."

Natsu's palms were burning. Literally. "What did you let Zeref do to you?"

Lucy twisted her fingers in the bottom of her shirt. "Anything he wanted." She said it to wound and wasn't disappointed.

He shook, disgusted. "And now you're just his? That's it?" _She should be_ mine _instead_. "What the _fuck_ Lucy? I thought—you and me—" He was so flustered he could barely string a sentence together.

"Natsu—" she didn't know how to finish. She wanted Natsu. Whenever he was around she needed him like she needed air to breathe. She loved him, had loved him for so long she couldn't remember the exact moment in time she realized it. And Zeref… she loved him, too. Going without him was like torture. Couldn't she be both of theirs? She loved the way Zeref touched her and she loved the way he needed her. She remembered how he tasted on her mouth and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. She couldn't lie. "Yes, I'm his. But that doesn't mean that you and I can't—"

The flames that had been restricted to his palms reached to his elbows. _Don't lose control again. Don't_. Another scene like the one in Magnolia would drive him insane. In the best way. He _wanted_ the world to burn. Lucy with it. It scared him. "That's exactly what that means."

Lucy shook her head furiously. "You haven't tried yet so how could you understand?"

He didn't. He didn't understand why the thought of Lucy with the demon king was as disgusting as it was arousing. He didn't understand why he loved the idea of her being violated and enjoying it. He didn't understand why he wanted to watch it happen. Blindly, he grabbed his shirt off the ground and squeezed it in fingers that felt like brittle matchsticks. "You're a mess." Though whether it was directed at himself or Lucy, he couldn't say.

When he tried to bowl by her, Lucy grabbed his wrist and kept him there, black tendrils rolling over her body on their own accord and wrapping tightly around his chest. "We can do this," she insisted. "Just let me show you."

"Let go of me, Lucy," Natsu said warningly, but his voice lacked conviction. The coolness of her flesh mixed with her new magic felt good on his hot skin. Her presence was slowly clouding his mind.

Lucy ignored him and touched too-cold hands to his neck, squeezing lightly. Then she came up on tiptoes and rolled her tongue over his bottom lip. He was firmly locking her out.

"Let me," she said and nudged his lips apart. He reluctantly opened for her, guiltily enjoying the way she tasted like Zeref. He hated himself for being so weak and he hated her for feeling so good.

She pulled back a touch. "See? Please don't go, Natsu. I want you here. You belong here with me." Her words muffled against his mouth. "We're the same."

 _No._ Natsu stilled and pulled away. Distance didn't help much, she was still gripping his throat and now he was forced to look into her abyss-black eyes. _Fuck_ he loved them. Onyx, like Zeref's. _Like mine._

Lucy flexed her fingers. "Kiss me, Natsu."

"You taste like ruin." Bittersweet. The most amazing thing he'd ever had brush over his lips. He pushed past her before he couldn't. When Lucy tried to hold him there with dark tendrils he allowed fire to rise and consume his body. The darkness burned away and Lucy jumped back.

"Natsu—"

But he was already going, his back was to her and he was fading in with the forest. The fire over his skin extinguished and Lucy lost sight of him in the gloom.

 _That wasn't a very nice thing to do,_ she thought at Zeref. Shadows at her feet pooled together and the demon king rose, pale skin, dark hair, and flashing, glittering eyes looking like two bottomless pools.

"I'm not very nice." His voice was thick and smoky.

"I want him back," Lucy said morosely.

Zeref gave her half a smile. "You're beautiful when you're miserable." He touched a hand to her cheek and brushed his thumb over her smooth skin, not daring to tell her his brother couldn't help but return.

A thrill moved through Lucy. "You like it when I suffer?"

"It's one of the things I enjoy most," he replied.

While she was angry, Lucy couldn't help but lean into him so her lips were hovering over his. "You really are mean."

"Yes."

Effortlessly she said, "I think I love you, you know? That's horribly wicked, isn't it?"

Her breath mixed with his, sweet and heady. _I think I love you._ Zeref wished he could have this. He wished it was as natural for him as it was for anyone else. But no, he had blood and demons and death. Soon maybe Lucy would know about all of those things as intimately as he did. Or maybe she'd die. "People like me don't deserve love," he told her after a beat.

"Is that written somewhere?" Lucy asked, snaking her fingers through his.

Zeref squeezed her hand. "You said yourself I wasn't very nice."

She smiled and looked into his inky eyes. "It's a good thing that I'm not either."

He closed the distance between them so their bodies were flush. "It's not real, Lucy, what you're feeling—"

She kissed him to keep him quiet. She had never felt anything more real in her life.

Using enormous effort, Zeref drew away from Lucy's mouth. She wrapped her arms tighter around his neck, sensing his urge to flee. When had all the men in her life started running from her? Was she so hard to be around now?

"Where are you going?"

Zeref ran his fingers through her hair and pushed the blonde locks back from her face. He caught her lips with his. When he came away she was panting. "I have to take care of something," he told her evasively.

"Can't it wait?" She wanted him here beside her.

He pressed his lips into her temple. She felt good, solid and real. "Did you mean what you said?"

She blinked at him.

"When you said you loved me," he offered.

Lucy smiled slowly. "Was I not sincere?"

"Don't play," he said dangerously. "Not about this."

Lucy shivered when darkness swirled around his body. "Do you think I'd lie?"

He studied her. "Yes."

Lucy rose on tiptoe and kissed him. "Not to you."

"You've already lied to me," he reminded her. "You lied to me about Natsu and you lied to me about that spirit. How do I know what you say is true?"

She couldn't rightly deny that. "You want the truth?"

He gazed into her dark eyes and sucked in a breath. _You might not like what she says._

"Well?" Lucy prodded.

Zeref suddenly changed his mind. "No." He didn't want to know what she really thought. If she was willing to let him think she loved him, even for a little, then that was good enough for him for now. Soon he'd find out if she burned out and expired or if she stayed strong. _Forgive me,_ he thought, because Lucy didn't know exactly what awaited her in Piper's Hold.

She wrapped her fingers through his. "You look so torn, are you sure you don't want to know?"

If he knew the real answer, he was afraid he wouldn't be able to let her make her own decision when the time came. He kissed her instead of allowing his traitor mouth to ask. Her body revealed more than her words ever could anyway. Skimming his thumbs over her breasts, he had her quivering in a breath. She was so intoxicating. _Don't. Don't get carried away_ , he told himself firmly. _If you start now, you'll never leave and this is something that has to be done._

"Lucy—" He choked on her name.

She smiled against his lips. "Yes?"

"I have—" Her fingers tried to slide up into his sleeves. Her flesh was cool and soft and utterly distracting.

"Mmhmm?" She pressed tightly against him.

"I have to go," he spat out and tore himself away.

"Zeref—" She tried to reach for him again. "Don't go, I know you don't want to, so why—"

He thrust her back with a gust of magic that pushed her roughly against a tree.

"Goodbye, Lucy."

And that was it. He melded back in with the shadows and was gone from her sight. Lucy bit her lip until it hurt, angry at him for leaving. She let a pulse of magic bleed from her body and felt the tree at her back wither and die. That release felt so good she wanted to do it again; she wanted to kill the whole forest and watch it desiccate.

 _Gray is still here,_ she reminded herself. _Good,_ was her first thought. Then… _or not. He's done nothing._

She wondered if he was still paralyzed by their camp even after all the ruckus she, Natsu and Zeref had kicked up. Slowly, apprehensively, she walked back towards the dying flames of their fire and left behind the trees. More had died than she had realized; there was a large circle of aridness where she had stood, as if she had stolen the very breath from that confined radius and wrung all the living things dry of everything that made them vibrant.

* * *

In the alley behind a bar who's name he'd forgotten in a dumpy little town that was hardly worth remembering, Natsu pushed a blonde girl he didn't know up against the wall. Her hands were quick-moving and frantic, her limbs uncoordinated and clumsy, but Natsu didn't care. He didn't think about why he chose the blonde when there had been a brunette beside her that would have done just as well. He only kissed her until his head swam.

"Here, kiss me here," she whispered and tilted her head to the side. Natsu obliged and ran his tongue over her neck. She tasted like a stranger, and really, that was perfect; she could taste like anything and he wouldn't have cared, just as long as she didn't taste like Lucy.

She pushed him gently away and lifted her shirt. He barely noticed when she dropped it over his shoulder. He focused on the pale expanse of skin at her chest where her breasts spilled forward and thrust Lucy from his mind. This was a different girl, an innocent girl, a girl with blue eyes and blonde hair, not onyx pits that drew him in and drowned him.

She didn't have near-violent hands that grasped him and pulled at his hair.

She didn't have a husky voice that whispered his name and made it sound like a promise.

He caught his breath. For a second it was Lucy touching him. His hands seared hot with fury-laced desire. The girl hissed and drew back when he singed her.

"Ow," she said accusingly. "You burned me."

"Sorry," Natsu mumbled unapologetically.

Instead of being upset, she grinned. "You didn't say you were a mage."

"Did we say anything to each other?" he wondered casually, depreciatively.

She laughed. "Enough to come out here." She pulled him closer again. "Careful with your hands."

"Mmm," he acknowledged, not really agreeing one way or the other. And then he was kissing her again. He abandoned her lips for her neck, mouth hot over her flesh. He got to a part of her skin that tasted like perfume, chemically and strange. It helped remind him that this wasn't Lucy; she tasted naturally sweet and rich and dark.

"That feels so fucking good," the blonde moaned and grasped him in her hand. A thrill punched through his chest and he clamped his teeth at the junction of her neck. She inhaled and he bit harder, driven on by some insane urge to taste what made her human. "I want to taste you."

She laughed, loose, drunk. "What?"

"I—" _Fuck. Really?_ Yeah. "I want to bite you until you bleed."

"Yes," she said after only a moment's hesitation.

Natsu didn't falter, not until he bit her hard enough that her gasp turned to a cry of pain. _You can't do things like this to regular girls._ The admonishment was distant and muted. _I can do it to Lucy,_ he thought back. She would let him, he _knew_ she would, and she'd _enjoy_ it, more than this pretender was. But Lucy was different now, not quite so human; that was obvious when he kissed her. She tasted like _him,_ like Zeref _._

That thought only drew up the image of Zeref under Lucy while he, Natsu, drove himself into her. The moment their eyes met the dark mage smiled as though there was a secret between them, something shared and familiar.

"Harder," _this_ blonde said. "Bite me harder."

Natsu gripped the girl, utterly frustrated. She squeaked as he dug his teeth further into her skin. When that turned into a whimper he understood she'd asked for it but had no idea what it was she was really asking _for_. A wave of pleasure rolled through him. Finally, the blood came, coppery and saccharine, pungent. He swallowed her down, enjoying the way she filled him up.

Her pain turned to pleasure. " _Yes_." Her fingers pressed against his chest. She pulled him closer and he pressed his hips tightly against hers. He was so hard it ached, though that hardness wasn't bred from the blonde mewling in his hands but from a very different kind of girl that he left wallowing in the forest. He swallowed another mouthful of her blood and rubbed his fingers over her hard nipples. She squeaked again. Her hands touched his bare skin. "Please."

"Please?"

"Please fuck me."

That's what he wanted to hear. "Pull your underwear aside."

She reached up her skirt and obeyed.

Taking his cock, he felt her body. She was wet and warm and pulsed wildly when he drew near. He kept thinking about Lucy so he looked into this girl's face. It was impossible to burn the celestial-mage-turned-dark from his mind, but it helped when he thought, _she deserves this._ He should get to fuck someone else, too. And damn her.

Reinforced, he took the girl by the hips and plunged into her. She gasped and sobbed, half in pleasure, half in pain. Hearing neither, he pushed her hard against the alley wall, kicking his mostly drunk beer bottle out from beneath their feet. It rolled loudly over the uneven pavement, coming to a rest against the far wall.

His mouth found her shoulder again. She tasted even better now, like ecstasy and fear.

 _Fear?_

Yes. Black tendrils that weren't really his came out of his body and held the girl tight.

" _Goddd_ ," she sobbed. "Damn. Damn it. That—" She moaned lowly. "That hurts. It hurts. You're—"

 _Hurting me,_ Natsu filled in the blanks when she couldn't. Then, hearing her heart, corrected himself. _Killing me._ If he kept on like he wanted, this girl was going to be dead.

 _So what?_

The thought was so cold it was jarring. The woman he fucked was crying now. _Crying._

 _Crying._

The knowledge was like cold, cold water pouring over his hot skin. He jerked back and came out of her so abruptly it hurt him and probably hurt her, too. He couldn't say sorry for how short on breath he was. The tendrils faded. His mouth was full of coppery sweetness. He thought it should taste gross but when he wiped a hand against his mouth he licked the runner of red from his finger, unable to let it go to waste. It was the most fantastically terrible thing he had ever tasted. He wanted more.

"Gods. You fucking bit me."

He didn't bother telling her that she asked him to.

"I'm—I'm really bleeding."

He just stared at her. Her breasts were still out, the soft tops now painted in scarlet.

"Get—get away from me." Her voice was stronger now that he wasn't pressing against her and kissing her neck. "You're sick. I was just fucking around, but you really bit me. Look at this, I'm _bleeding."_ She clapped a hand to her neck. "You can't just do that stuff you know? That's like assault or something."

Natsu wanted to taste her again. Fire kissed his skin, called unintentionally to the surface. His heart pounded. He took a step closer to her. _What are you doing?_

The blonde looked at him with bright blue eyes. "Stay away."

He didn't. Flames slithered out from his fingers and gently stroked the girl's cheek. She paled and trembled so violently Natsu wondered if she was going to piss herself or faint. Maybe both. _Stop this,_ he thought.

"Don't hurt me." She turned her cheek into the cool brick beside her face.

Natsu wondered what it was she saw when she looked at him. A monster? Did he look like he was going to kill her? _Am I_? He didn't have the answers and that frightened him. _What the_ fuck _are you doing?_ The fire smothered; that coiling blackness in his heart retreated so quickly he was left breathless.

"I'm sorry," he told her. She shook and cried harder. "Shhh, I'm sorry. Don't cry, I'm sorry." He came forward and rested his palm against her forehead. She let out a frightened howl and pressed the back of her hand against her mouth.

"Shush," Natsu said. "You're—" _fine._

"Hey! What's going on back there?" A body stood in the mouth of the alleyway. Natsu pulled abruptly away from the blonde. Instead of replying he twisted on his heel and disappeared into the night.


	19. Chapter 19

Gray was as she left him. Well, mostly. He lay flat on his back, hands clasped in the waistband of his pants. His erection wasn't any secret to Lucy, his pants bulging around his groin. Coming to sit beside him she crossed her legs and propped her elbow on her thigh. Her chin found home in her palm.

"You were watching, weren't you?"

Gray's slate coloured eyes found hers. At first he just blinked, then Lucy realized he wasn't speaking because he couldn't. She touched his arm, taking away some of the magic that paralyzed him, and let him find his voice.

"Lucy," he choked out hoarsely. "Lucy, Gods—Natsu—Zeref—" The fire was clear enough through the trees, it could have only been the dragon slayer, but Gray was sure Zeref was there as well. He had to have been. No one felt as poisonous as that.

"Shh." She touched her finger to his lip, silencing him. "He's gone."

Gray quieted, then stilled. Lucy realized that she'd hit him with more magic. Gray wasn't like Loke or Zeref or (though she didn't know why) Natsu. He was just a regular sort of man, human and soft and breakable.

Eager to confess and fill the silence she said, "Natsu, too. You know, I infected him. He's like me now."

Gray's eyes got large and frightened. His mouth remained closed.

Lucy found his forehead and brushed the hair away. Beneath the dark locks was a scar left behind by Lyon. She traced it, remembering. "You and I, we were close, Gray." She trailed down his temple, his cheek, brushed over his jaw and realized that she wanted to keep him too. She wanted the whole world; who knew she was such a greedy girl?

He was still hard, Lucy saw. She moved down his chest, past his belly button, making him quiver. She didn't hesitate skipping over the waistband of his pants, she brushed right over it and grabbed his erection. He bowed and gasped, coming unparalysed.

"Lucy—"

She looked away from his groin and found his eyes. "I don't want to kill you. And I want to kill you. I want you to belong to me, and yet I know that if I try, you'll die. I can't let you go because you'll cause problems for me, and I hate to make you stay. What am I supposed to do?"

He didn't respond, too busy looking at her plump, cherry red lips, at her skin, clearer than quarts, at her eyes, blacker than midnight.

Lucy whispered, "Tell me you want this."

The sun was rising, turning the sky red like desert sand.

"I—" He knew what he _should_ say. _You're sick. You need help. Get away from me._ Could he find the _will_ to spit those things out, though? No. He _wanted_ the poison that was Lucy Heartfilia. "K—kiss me."

Lucy closed her eyes and savored his words. She heard Gray shifting. _Kiss me._ He was going to die. _"I can't, Gray_. You'll—you'll die if I do." She thought she was brave enough to do it, but she wasn't. Gray was her _friend_. Or he had been _before_. "Just—"

A small amount of stubble scraped her skin as he lifted himself up into a sitting position and pressed his cheek to hers.

"Gray—" _Don't._

Then he found her lips and her fear and reticence faded. He tasted cold and fresh and strange when his tongue prodded her lips apart, like wintergreen and new winter ice. His hand found her cheek and she opened her eyes to look into his heavy-lidded ones. He looked like he was suffering, his eyes pinched at the corners. She willed him to be smart enough to pull away.

He wasn't. Or maybe he couldn't. It was too late now. She kissed him back more thoroughly, touching her fingers to his side. His muscles were hard under her hands, tense. Magic slipped out of her and into him, making him twitch and shiver. When he shook so violently she was worried his heart would stop, she broke the kiss and leaned back so she could see what she'd done.

Gray was all black lines and pale lips.

Forcing air into his lungs _hurt_. "W—what's happening?"

Lucy felt tears prick her eyes. "I think you're dying, Gray."

A tremor took him. He reached for her hand. "Lucy—"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." It was like with Loke, but she didn't think Gray would get better. Taking his shoulders, she pushed him back on the hard ground so his head was mostly in her lap. "Maybe—maybe try to relax." She'd feel the life leave him, that way she'd never forget what she'd done.

Gray's throat worked to swallow. "Lucy—"

"Yes?"

"Kiss me." He reached for her, touching her cheek. To do that was to really condemn him. She did it anyway. Finding his mouth, she reached for Zeref. The dark mage was thinking of books and spells and things that turned her blood cold and hot, of belonging and being free, of wanting and needing and breathing and ceasing to be.

* * *

Stumbling through Hargeon's streets at the brink of dawn, tired and used and _furious_ , Natsu sensed him before he saw him; his aura filled up the air until it was swollen and dense and difficult to breathe.

"Lucy Heartfilia was never supposed to be a demon," Zeref said at his back. "But her body is trying to undergo the transformation. She'll die if she's left the way she is now."

The dragon slayer turned. He wasn't able to focus on the demon king's words, only on his presence. He felt compelled towards him, but he was too stubborn to listen to that complicated and new sensation. "Zeref." His hands burst into flames. "I should kill you right here where you stand." As if he could. Maybe, but he'd feel sick doing it, which in itself was absurd; there was no one in the world he hated more than the dark mage Zeref.

Zeref's smile was small and self-depreciating. "Weeks ago I'd let you."

Natsu's flames sputtered; he ground his teeth together, willing the fire hotter. It wouldn't submit because it just didn't feel like his any longer. _Zeref doesn't know that._ Except, he imagined that the demon king did. Defiantly, he said, "You make it sound like I need your permission."

"I suppose in a way you do. I made you, your power is born of me. You're strong enough to kill me now, if I let you, but… our situation has changed," Zeref finished.

Natsu's heart hammered too fast. "Made me? What the hell are you talking about?"

Zeref's eyes cut through him. "I think you know. Feeling a little different these days, Natsu?"

Natsu felt like he was being looked through. He wanted to shake his head but he had never been very good at lying. "The only thing I know is that you're flapping your gums an awful lot. Get out of my way." He _needed_ to get out of there, away from Zeref.

Zeref grabbed his shoulder, holding him in place. "The only place you're going is Piper's Hold."

Natsu's skin jumped as though he'd been shocked. He took a hasty step backwards and rubbed the place furiously. The flesh felt burned and raw. "Piper's Hold?" He didn't know why he asked, "What's there?"

"Lucy. She'll need help."

"Lucy," Natsu snorted.

"Go, Natsu."

"Like hell. I don't have time for this. For _her._ "

"You don't have time to obey your master?" Zeref sneered.

 _Master._ The word made his muscles sing, his head ring."I don't know what you're talking about." As if he could deny it.

"I think you do."

"Shut the hell up." His fire flared up again, violent and wild.

Zeref kept on speaking. "You're a demon, Natsu. My strongest." _Brother._ The last just wouldn't come out, not while all of his shame stared angrily back at him _. I wish I could have saved you, I wish you were better. I wish things weren't the way they were_.

It felt like Natsu's air was stolen away. "A demon. Fuck off." He tried to brush past Zeref again. The demon king grabbed his shoulder and squeezed until Natsu gasped and dreamed of pulling away. It stopped there.

"It's true." Zeref smiled because to do anything else was to crumple.

Natsu bristled. First Lucy and now this shit. "You're enjoying this?" A black tide was rising too quickly and threatening to consume him.

 _No. Yes._ Zeref had never felt darker. "I can just see the humor in it. You're so obviously changed and yet you deny it."

"Because it's not true."

"How about we ask that girl you were going to kill? See what she has to say?" the demon king asked.

Natsu's mouth went dry. "I—" _wasn't going to_. He severed the words because they felt untrue. Instead he asked, "How do you—?"

"Know that?" Zeref finished with a grin. "We're connected, Natsu, through one of my demon books. END."

 _END_. The world slowed. Natsu swallowed a lump in his throat. _END._ "Stop fucking with me."

"I don't lie. You are he, my strongest demon."

Feeling like he was choking, Natsu gathered and threw a ball of fire at the demon king.

Zeref easily pushed the attack aside. His eyes shone bright in the darkness, his own magic bouncing excitedly around his body. "I've ruined you. Look at what I've done." He touched a cool hand to Natsu's cheek. The place went numb. Natsu pulled back sharply and breathed heavily from his nose. That unfamiliar darkness welled inside of his bones, answering some subtle call.

"Your mine, and you have been for a very long time," Zeref continued. "I had been waiting for something to bring you forward, I never imagined it would be Layla's daughter. And now that you're here…" He looked off into the encroaching night, a mixed expression on his face.

Natsu clutched his fist nervously.

 _Demon._

 _END._

 _Who are you? Do you know?_ He tried to think of his earliest memory and recalled only Igneel. He couldn't remember his mother or his father or anything else from his life before.

 _No. It's not true._

His mind rebelled. He shoved Zeref away and started moving, but the demon king materialized before him and blocked his path.

The expression on Zeref's face was sad. "In all the times I've imagined this moment, I never thought it would go like this. I thought I would be recklessly staring down my death, but a lot of things are different."

"Shut up and get away from me," Natsu threatened.

Zeref ignored him. "What is it going to take to convince you?"

"I said shut up and get—"

Zeref touched a hand to Natsu's chest and _pulled_ with his magic. Fire exploded from Natsu's skin in a wild hot rush. He screamed, unable to do anything else, and fell to his knees; it _hurt._ And it kept on hurting well past the point of being able to feel. He was being bled dry. He tried to hold the magic in, but when he did, it whipped against him, slashing and cutting in a way it never had before, making the pain even worseuntil he thought he was going to die. _This is it. You're finished._ The world was greying. He never thought much about dying, but when he did he thought he'd go out with a little more bang and a little less bust. He was helpless.

Zeref looked on with a sense of grim satisfaction as Natsu writhed and screamed.

A part of him was horrified.

 _Haven't you taken enough from him?_

A part of him was glad.

 _No._

He wanted more. He was the man that wanted to eat the world.

Someone slammed their window down the street to block out the sounds of his brother's torment. That sharp noise was enough to bring Zeref back to himself. He eased away before he tore Natsu to shreds and let the magic die. _Don't destroy everything you touch. Temperance._ He hadn't ever been very good with that.

When Zeref finally let him loose, Natsu sweated and panted. He groaned and clutched his arm around his ribs. His whole body ached so acutely he thought he was going to be sick. The sensation passed slowly, though when he looked up at the dark wizard the world swayed violently.

"Do you believe me now?"

Natsu gritted his teeth then staggered into a standing position. "You bastard," he wheezed and swung his fist, going against the voice in his head telling him he should pay fealty to the demon king.

His punch missed.

Zeref wasn't where he thought he would be. Natsu tumbled forward onto the asphalt, scraping his knees. And then Zeref was there. He grabbed a fistful of Natsu's hair and wrenched his head back roughly. "I'm through with this game. Go to Piper's Hold."

Natsu worked to swallow. Something black and wriggling was moving through his body, something that wanted to obey. "W—why?"

"I told you, Lucy will need someone."

 _Lucy_. "I don't want anything to do with that whore," he spat out. "She's—"

Zeref lanced a thread of darkness into his chest. It travelled throughout his body, up his spine and into his head. Bright light exploded behind his eyes, the pain was so intense. "You love her, that's why you're angry, but that doesn't change the fact that you'll go to her."

"You fucked her," Natsu said between gasps, not even able to deny him.

When Zeref didn't respond, Natsu swung again, this time with his elbow. The movement was awkward and slow with him still on his knees. Zeref caught his arm, sidestepped and wrenched it behind his back. Then, mercilessly, he forced his brother's cheek into the ground. _I_ am _a bad man,_ he decided. He wanted everything from the world and he wasn't afraid to take it.

"Do you think people can change?" he asked on a whim.

"Not you," Natsu spat, dirt and dust clinging to his lips as he spoke.

Fears confirmed, Zeref said, "That's what I thought." And if that were the case… "Go to Piper's Hold, Natsu. Don't fight your nature; help Lucy."

He was having a very difficult time holding onto his anger, even with his face forced to the ground. "Why don't you?"

"I want this too badly," Zeref admitted. "I'm too close to it."

"Want _what_ too badly?" He knew.

"Lucy," Zeref replied. "I—I think I love her."

Natsu's skin blazed hot. He hated Lucy but he loved her, too. He didn't want anyone else to have her. "Don't lie, people like you don't know what love is."

Zeref flinched. "People like us," he corrected. "You care for her and so do I."

"I'm nothing like you."

"You're wrong. We're a pair, Natsu, two pieces of a whole."

Natsu's mind whirled.

"And you know it; everything, your magic, your voice, you body betrays you. It'll be easier on you if you stopped fighting and just obeyed. She needs someone there."

He cursed and hardened himself to Zeref's words. "Then you go. I'm done with her."

"Lucy stopped Shadow Father from devouring the world. She sacrificed a lot for you, the least you could do is be there with her at the end."

"End?"

"Don't you want to be there when she burns out and fades away?"

Natsu's skin crawled. "What are you doing to her?"

Zeref swallowed. He couldn't bring himself to reply.

"Tell me!"

But the dark wizard was gone, faded into the shadows.

* * *

Lucy left Gray looking ashen. She couldn't bring herself to check his heart. She knew what she'd find.

Heart leaden, she stumbled towards Piper's Hold. Her skin felt like it was splitting apart, her eyes burned and her body hurt. She could feel Zeref through their connection, pushing her along, encouraging her when she wanted to fall to the ground and let all the magic tear her skin apart. She was just a girl after all, just a human that thought she could save the world. And she had, but the cost was high. The price was Lucy Heartfilia and she could never escape paying.


	20. Chapter 20

Movement helped keep Lucy's throat from totally closing. Her whole body felt like it was on fire; her lungs burned with _every breath_. She needed to see Zeref. _Needed to._ Her fingers twitched around her keys. Loke would be so easy to call. Maybe he'd make her feel better. Maybe she could _tear him up_ and that would alleviate some of her stress. Even as she thought it she knew it wouldn't be enough.

She kept walking, moving up a huge treed hill. At its climax, Lucy came to a stop and looked down the opposite side. A town looked back at her. Houses with slumping porches and broken windows dominated the landscape, their warped doors squealing in a gentle breeze. Moss and plants and even trees grew through collapsed roofs while walkways were split in two with vines creeping from shadowy crevices. There was a road running through the center of town, but it was overgrown like everything else, choked out by weeds. Down the hill a ways was an old wooden sign that hung crooked on two poles hammered deep into the earth. Pi-er's H-ld it read, the P and the O so badly worn they were nearly non-existent.

She'd made it. The relief was very, _very_ real.

The first step she took towards the rotting town had shivers rolling over her skin and the breath catching in her lungs. The air was thick and heavy, seeping and dripping with _his_ power; this place was his. And what did that mean?

She didn't know, but she was all too happy to rush in and be near Zeref.

"Lucy," said a voice at her back, halting her movements before she could get started. Stiffening, she turned, skin beating with excitement.

"Natsu," she breathed his name because she couldn't force the sound out loudly. He had changed further, fallen a little deeper. His eyes were shadowed in the early morning light, making him look frenzied. He was perfect, his hair wild, his eyes burning her up, fingers clenching and unclenching with nervous energy or

 _violence_

even the smear of dirt over his right cheek looked like it was exactly in place, a testament to his disorder. "What are you doing here?"

"I had to come," he said grudgingly, though he was secretly glad that he had. He could smell her from where he stood, rich and changed, heady and alluring and…

He realized how badly that blonde from earlier would have taken her place. She would have offered a distraction only until Natsu burned her out and left her for dead, then he would have been right back to pining. "He—he said you would need me." Natsu stuffed his hands into his pockets and squeezed his fingers to keep from touching her.

"Zeref said that?" At the mention of his name, Natsu shivered. Lucy took a step closer to him, unable to help herself. "Yes?"

Natsu flicked his eyes away and nodded. It was easier to be near her if he didn't look at her directly. That was good in theory, yet his eyes kept getting drawn back.

Lucy came closer still, fingers reaching for his wrist. Natsu looked at her guardedly; it hurt to see him like that, uncertain and wary. "He was right. I always need you." Before she made her deal with Zeref but especially after.

 _Always._ Somehow Natsu was looking at her face again, getting lost in her eyes. He could almost see the girl she had been.

"What are you thinking?" Lucy asked.

"That I don't want to be here," he lied. More than anything he wanted to see what perdition would befall Lucy Heartfilia. She _deserved_ this.

Lucy didn't flinch. "Then why are you?"

"Zeref asked," Natsu said. _Told me._ He was still too proud to admit that aloud.

"You hate me," Lucy stated and waited for him to dismiss her accusation. He only nodded. She blinked an unwelcomed tear from her eye.

Seeing that made Natsu's heart wrench. "Lucy—" _I hate you but I love you too,_ he thought.

She looked at him expectantly.

He didn't know how to say it. Before he could figure it out, she released his wrist and turned away, determined to go see what the dark mage wanted of her. "It's alright."

"Wait." Natsu grabbed her hand to keep her there and pulled her back. They were standing too close together but he couldn't bring himself to put any room between them. The only relief was to pull her nearer, feeling her body pressed against his; the contact had electricity shooting through all of his nerve endings.

"Release me, Natsu."

Natsu swallowed nervously. "No. If you go in there, everything will change—everything will be different." He felt her slipping away faster than he could have guessed; the worst part was that she seemed to do it happily and some twisted part of him _wanted_ it of her.

"Everything has already changed," Lucy replied. She dared to meet the eyes of her long-time friend and love. "I never meant to hurt you; I never meant for anyone to ever suffer. I tried to _save_ you all."

There was a little more of the old Lucy Heartfilia. Natsu took it all in, the beast that lived in his heart drinking her down greedily. He would take everything from her if she would let him. "You did save us," he said finally. "The guild is back to normal, the world is healing."

"Gray—"

But Natsu didn't want to hear about Gray. Passing through her camp earlier that morning he had seen the state Lucy had left his old friend in and didn't want to hear why or how that had happened. He touched a finger to her lips to keep her quiet. Lucy silenced. "Do you regret what you did?"

"Which part?" she asked. Her lips tickled his skin. He wanted to kiss her right then, but he denied himself that pleasure; he was still furious with her and with himself.

"Saving the world," he said concisely, trying to focus. Her answer was important.

"No. If I hadn't, I never would have had you, or Zeref or Loke."

Natsu's chest squeezed with what he could only call jealousy. He hated Zeref for doing this to him—to _her_ , though there was a deep dark part that lived in his heart that loved it, too. This new Lucy called to him and teased him in a way that he couldn't ignore. This new Lucy could teach him what it was to be not Natsu Dragneel, Fairy Tail's fire dragon slayer, but Zeref's strongest demon, END. Maybe there was no going back, so there was no reason to feel guilty. "Did he tell you what the cost was going to be? When you took his magic?"

"He warned me," she admitted. "But I don't think he really knew what would happen. Now I'm—I'm tearing us all down."

Natsu squeezed her wrist hard. "You knew. How could you have just gone through with it anyway, Lucy? What were you thinking? I would have been there—I would have—"

"Done it all yourself? Are you upset because I'm dying, or because you didn't get your chance to save everyone?" Lucy said sharply.

 _Dying._ It took his breath away, imagining Lucy lifeless. "You know that's not—"

She cut in. "Besides, it didn't seem like such a bad thing with him standing so close to me. I _wanted_ this. Don't think otherwise." She looked at him from under her lashes to see how he took her words. Better than she had hoped, he only flinched back a little. She felt a thread of power pull her towards the town and knew she had to go; it was an urgent and insistent tugging that couldn't be buried or pushed aside. She touched a hand to Natsu's cheek and apologized. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I couldn't love only you."

Natsu's intense expression eased into one that was difficult to read. "Lucy…" He leaned his forehead against hers and touched the small of her back, using that to pull her closer. All the while he wondered _why_ she had such an effect on him.

"Yes?" She needed to pull away now, that magic was burning a hole through her centre, but Natsu kept her firmly where she was with just that light touch.

 _Do you really love me?_ "Am I always going to feel this way about you?"

Her heart thundered. "Which way?" Maybe she had time for this.

"Conflicted," he replied diffidently. "I can't stop thinking about you, I hate you and I…"

Lucy smiled; she didn't need him to say it to know it was true. "We would both be better together."

 _Don't you want to be there when she burns out and fades away?_ Zeref's words haunted him. "If you go into that town, I don't know if there's going to _be_ an after."

Lucy looked out of the corner of her eye towards the abandoned city centre and said truthfully, "I don't know if that matters."

She sounded so… lackadaisical. Natsu endeavored to _make her understand._ "Lucy, Zeref said you were going to—"

"Die?" Her heart pattered faster. _You knew…_ Yes. She _knew_ this was coming. "If it makes me feel better, I don't care."

Swallowing around the hotness in his throat, Natsu tried again. "Lucy—"

Lucy couldn't hear what he had to say. To quiet him she pressed her lips against his. His response was slow, but he _did_ respond, moving his mouth in time with hers. "It's okay," Lucy said when she pulled away.

Natsu had a stunned look on his face as if he hadn't quite been prepared for the sensation her mouth left behind. Truthfully, Lucy was reeling, too. He had always had a powerful effect on her, but now kissing him was like standing in an inferno of everything she wanted. _Too much._ Her skin was ablaze.

"I…" Natsu shook his head to clear it.

"I have to go," Lucy said before he could say or do anything else to distract her; that throbbing blackness was stretching through her again, only more agitated now that she had kissed him. She slipped out of his grasp and turned towards Piper's Hold.

"Wait," Natsu called her. ' _Don't you want to be there when she burns out and fades away? She's going to need you.'_

When Lucy didn't stop he jogged to catch up. She walked with purpose as if she had been there before, when in truth she was only following the thread of magic that pulled and guided her along. Natsu slid in front of her and tried to stop her with two hands on her shoulders.

"Lucy, wait."

"I can't," she said truthfully. "I have to go, he's calling me."

Natsu felt it, too. "Please, you don't know what's in there."

"It _doesn't matter_ what's there and what's not. I'm burning up." She could feel it, had felt it for days. She was rushing to die, just like her mother; it had taken longer for the magic to eat through her body, perhaps because she had spent some time with Zeref, but now the fire had caught; it was joyfully tearing through her like she was dry tinder.

Lucy wriggled out of his grasp and started walking again. Natsu, not seeing another way, fell into step beside her, just as Zeref wanted. He couldn't look away from her for long. Her skin was shifting agitatedly again, her eyes two burning pits of black; her fingers clenched and unclenched so hard that her knuckles turned white. He slipped his hand into hers and let her squeeze until it hurt. On contact, there was a passage of magic from her to him, like a small bolt of electricity; his body ate it and his heart hammered harder. He wished she could stay like this forever, he would feed off of her agitation and power and wouldn't feel the least bit sorry for it. What a monster he had become. The knowledge didn't make him pull away, in fact, he swallowed more greedily, taking even what she didn't offer, until she looked wan but pleased, as if it felt as good for her as it did for him. His body hardened and he did his best to feel ashamed. Shouldn't he be _more_ frantic knowing that his best friend was walking to her death? There was only peace in his heart, though.

 _Maybe it hasn't sunken in yet._ That wasn't it, though. He fully grasped the situation they were in, he just… wanted to be near her so much he didn't care. He wanted to obey Zeref so badly he couldn't think about anything else. _Master._ The thought made him sick even whilst a calmness befell him.

As if sensing his plight, Lucy looked over and smiled. "You'll feel better soon, too." She didn't know how she knew it, but she did.

"I hope so." He couldn't stand feeling _torn_ like this any longer.

The houses dwindled, then disappeared and were replaced by a tall rock wall. In the shadiest corner a hole was cut into the earth. A mineshaft. No sunlight reached past its gaping maw, inside was an inky black pit. Natsu's stomach clenched nervously; Lucy looked determined but not so indifferent to the power that bled from the shadows; her eyes were bright and her breathing harried, her palms suddenly damp.

"Gods," she breathed and Natsu knew how she felt. It was like being torn apart, standing in all that encompassing magic, but also like coming home, like he belonged. In that moment he knew with certainty that this was his place, and it could be Lucy's too, if she wanted it, if she was strong enough. If he _let_ it. Zeref's intent, his plan, became clear.

 _You could kill her now and this won't_ have _to happen,_ Natsu thought _. You can keep Zeref from having her._

Lucy tried to keep moving forward but Natsu grabbed her hand and held her still, even when she struggled.

"Natsu—" His name came out sounding pained. "Natsu, let go, I have to go." She twisted her wrist to no avail. "I have to be inside. Natsu—"

 _Just do it,_ Natsu convinced himself. _You can burn her up right here and she won't have to go on like this. She probably wouldn't even feel anything. You don't have to feel guilty because she won't see it coming._ Magic pooled in his hand, the flames just below his skin. He knew the fire that was about to come was going to be powerful, it was fueled with what he had stolen from Lucy on their way there and from the strange particles that filled the air. No, she wouldn't even know that he was about to betray her.

Except she did. She turned her dark eyes on him, body half in and half out of the mine shaft, and asked, "Are you going to kill me?" Her voice warbled with want and need and he knew he wouldn't. He kissed her instead, thinking that maybe this would be the last time he would ever get the chance. Lucy kissed him back for a long stretching second, then squeezed his fingers in hers and pulled away.

"Are you scared?" Natsu asked, panting.

She thought maybe for the first time in days she was. "Are you going to come with me?" she dodged; she didn't want to think about fear.

Natsu swallowed and nodded once, disgusted and excited. He came to her side and let her lead him downwards. Zeref was right, someone had to witness the end of Lucy Heartfilia.

When the light was completely blocked out, Natsu called a ball of flame into being and set it looming before them to light their way. It bobbed and pulsed, his magic still uncertain, throwing the tunnel into shadowed relief. They walked until their ears popped and then further still. The air temperature dropped, moisture puddled on the ground, and the place stank of mildew. They walked until Piper's Hold was kilometers above them and the only thing that lived and breathed down there was a girl-not-quite-demon and a demon in sheep's clothes.

At a junction in the tunnels Lucy turned right. Her feet stumbled over the uneven ground. Natsu caught her arm to keep her from falling; her skin was far too cold, or maybe his was far too hot—he couldn't tell which. Either way, both of them hissed but neither made a move to separate.

The shaft suddenly ended in a small oval area. Natsu's fire revealed three things: a stand in the center of the rock-lined room, a book sitting upon it, and a pen upon that. He swallowed down a bubble of nervousness that tried to fight its way out of his chest in the form of a laugh. A memory from long, long ago flitted through his mind. _Crimson blood, pain, light, fear._ That was it, just impressions. Who knew if it was true or not?

Lucy walked to the book confidently and fingered its damp pages.

A heavy weight landed on Natsu's chest. "Lucy…" He was back to being reticent. "Lucy, I don't think you should be touching that." ' _I'm too close to this. I want it too much.'_

Lucy looked up and met Natsu's eyes then grabbed the pen in her hand, her motions both defiant and automatic.

"Lucy," Natsu barked with more force. "Don't. It's going to—"

Lucy didn't need him to explain. "I'm already dying."

"This could kill you more," he fought back.

"Kill me more? Really?" She smirked and for a moment they were best friends again, not strangers that only wanted to hurt and fight and need.

"You know what I mean. Faster. What if there's a way…"

"Don't be afraid. This was the way it was always going to play out." The very first time Zeref spoke her name, Lucy knew she was done for.

"I don't want to lose you, not to this," Natsu said.

"You won't lose me," Lucy replied.

"You'll be his."

"I am already." Her words sliced through him.

 _No._ Feeling vindictive, Natsu said, "I'd rather you be dead."

Lucy pressed her lips together. "Then do what you were thinking of earlier. Kill me."

Natsu took a step towards her, flames somehow lapping at his fingers. She stayed perfectly still, waiting for him to close the distance between them. Natsu dragged in a breath, then stalked with purpose and made it all the way to the toes of her booted feet. He grabbed her arm, the flames chewing through the first layer of her skin.

Lucy didn't drop his gaze. "You can't do it."

"I—"

"Love me too much," Lucy said. She met his eyes steadily and dug her fingers into the metal pen. Two sharp blades slipped out of its body and sliced into her skin. She hissed but didn't let go. Blood welled to the surface and dripped down to touch the silver ball, ruby bright and glittering in the firelight.

Natsu gathered fire in his hand. He could see how it would be, he would command the flames to encompass her and then burn her until there was nothing left, not even ash, then he would shamble out of the mine shaft alone and go through the motions, covering up what happened here today—going back to Fairy Tail and pretending he wasn't Zeref's strongest demon, pretending that he didn't love Lucy and that he hadn't shared her with the darkest wizard to ever live and then killed her, pretending that he wasn't a monster and that he didn't want to do monstrous things.

The dragon-slayer turned demon tried to make one last stand against his arising nature. "He's tricking you. Forcing you into this." He had to be. _'I want her too much. I—I think I love her.'_ He hated that Zeref seemed so _human_ then.

"I know what I am and what I want to be, Natsu," Lucy said pacifyingly. "I want to be Zeref's, and you can't change that. Either you stop me by force, or you watch."

To Lucy, Natsu seemed paralyzed. She wasn't. She touched the blank page with the tip of the pen and started to write, 'Lucy Heartfilia' in blood ink, not at all sure if that was what she was supposed to do, but willing to try anything to make the pain go away.

Natsu swallowed tightly, watching her form the final a in _Heartfilia_. This was it. _Act._ He didn't know if he could.

 _Yes, I can._

"You're wrong, Lucy." His voice sounded so emotionless.

Lucy's onyx pits found his. "About?"

"I don't love you too much for this." The world descended into a wash of red. Fire wrapped around the woman he loved as Natsu set about burning her from the earth.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **Just joshing. There's another chapter.**


	21. Chapter 21

Heat.

Burning.

Aching.

Evaporated tears.

These were only a few of the things Lucy Heartfilia was conscious of before she burned away, vanished under a spell of fire so hot that nothing human could ever withstand its might.

* * *

Natsu, exhausted, fell to his hands and knees and closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see what he'd done. The bright flames were still imprinted behind his eyes. The ground beneath his palms was fire-warmed. The air was difficult to breathe, all of the oxygen momentarily used up. He gasped and huffed while the cave slowly refilled, smelling faintly burned hair and charred flesh. It was a far cry from Lucy's usually sweet smell. _Lucy._

 _Gods._

 _Lucy._

He knew when Zeref materialized, _felt_ the agitated pulse of his magic. "Are you going to kill me?" Gods, he hoped so, that way he wouldn't have to remember the way the power felt arcing through his body, the way he enjoyed it, the way… Hot tears pressed against the back of his eyes. Some snuck out and evaporated on his cheeks.

Zeref knelt before him and dared to touch his shoulders. The skin was so hot it burned the dark mage, but Zeref didn't back off. "No, Natsu."

 _No?_ "I—I took her away from you. Kill me." _Please._ Who would have thought he would have to beg Zeref to take his life?

"Look at me, brother." It was easier to say now that Natsu was just like him, now that he had accepted he was a monster and did what even Zeref had been too weak to do.

 _Brother._ Natsu considered rebelling—they weren't brothers and Zeref shouldn't be touching him, but his mouth was too dry and really, it just felt _right_. _Brother_. Opening his damp eyes, he peered blearily at the dark mage, careful to avoid the spot Lucy had been. Zeref's night-black eyes were steady, on his mouth a half-crooked smile. Natsu worked to destroy that calmness and call the demon king's ire. "She's gone."

"Yes, the old Lucy Heartfilia is gone," Zeref affirmed.

"I—I did it so you can't ruin her any more."

Zeref looked not angry, but hurt. "You liked the girl she became."

 _Yes._ Not that he'd ever admit to Zeref, though. _You don't have to, he knows everything_.

"Come, brother. Let us both mourn her passing." Like in the olden days, he dragged Natsu into a tight embrace. Natsu struggled weakly but Zeref only tightened his grip. The dragon slayer gave up a moment later, too tired, and pressed his cheek into Zeref's shoulder, closing his eyes again. A single sob wracked through his body.

"I didn't think you could do it," Zeref continued softly, "—I certainly couldn't."

To Natsu, Zeref smelled so familiar. Like home. The skin through his clothing was cool against Natsu's scalding hot cheek. "You _used_ me."

"Yes, as the killing tool you were meant to be," Zeref said quietly. "Now I get everything I wanted. My brother back at my side, my promise to Layla remains untarnished, and Lucy…"

Natsu pinched his lids together. "I loved her."

Zeref squeezed his fists in his brother's shirt. "Yes," he replied simply.

Natsu breathed heavily through his nose. "Please kill me."

"No."

" _Please_ —I can't live like this—remembering—"

"No. You and I will be together—"

"I don't _want—"_

"You're mine, Natsu. You will do what _I_ want," Zeref said not unkindly.

Natsu tried to break out of the dark mage's arms. Zeref only held him tighter. "Don't you want to be here to see her arise once more?"

Natsu stilled. "No. She won't. I killed her—she didn't finish—" _Please._

Zeref smiled slowly, pressing his cheek into the top of Natsu's head. "I've taken so much from you. I'm happy I can give this one thing back."

Natsu went limp in Zeref's arms. "What?" He didn't know if he was horrified or relieved.

Both.

"Yes." Zeref released him and stood. There came the sound of flipping pages; Natsu didn't think the book could have remained intact through his firestorm, but obviously he had been wrong. He didn't want to tip his head back and look at what Zeref was doing, but when the sharp tang of ancient blood filled the air he felt compelled to watch.

Zeref, holding his hand carefully, catching the running blood in the bowl of his palm, went to the figure crumpled on the floor just steps away. As soon as Natsu saw her he couldn't look away, not even to blink. He watched Zeref kneel at Lucy's side. Her body was shockingly nude from the intense fire but her skin was amazingly unburned. While she wasn't less than ash on the ground, she was certainly dead. Her eyes were blank, her lips loose, her skin an off white that was just unnatural.

Natsu's heart throbbed. Lucy's eyes should always be bright with glee, even if it was the malicious kind that came as of late with hate and lust. "What are you doing?" he demanded when Zeref rubbed his bloody finger against her lips.

"Creating a demon," Zeref replied.

His chest compressed anxiously. "Don't."

Zeref looked at his brother from over his shoulder. Natsu had a fevered look in his eye, as if he were truly terrified but also anticipative. "You don't want her to live?"

 _Don't you_? He shook his head too violently. "Not like this." It sounded like a lie even to his ears.

Zeref saw through him and ignored his words. Slipping his finger into Lucy's mouth, he let his blood drop on her tongue. Magic passed through him and into her. It filled the air, dangerous and consuming.

Natsu blinked and breathed harder; it hurt, breathing through all that power. "Stop it," he choked. "You said yourself she was never supposed to be like this."

"Yes, I did, when she was a human girl; there's nothing left of that Lucy Heartfilia, brother, you killed her and made way for this new creature."

 _You killed her._ His fingers dug into the smooth stone under his hands. "No."

It was a word uttered in denial.

Zeref let it go; he knew what it was like to want to pretend he wasn't a monster, but he was as he was and nothing would change that.

Natsu tried to stand; his legs wobbled so badly with the knowledge of what he'd done, they almost gave out on him. Despite the indignity, he decided to crawl instead. "Get away from her!" The stones dug into his knees and palms painfully.

The demon king glanced at him, a small smile on his lips. Having both Natsu and Lucy try to deny him was amusing. None of his other demons ever attempted, and while he wouldn't let them succeed, it was a nice change of pace. "No."

Natsu ground his teeth together in annoyance, but stopped and sat back because Lucy's slacked lips weren't quite so pale any more.

In fact...

Yes. They were moving ever so slightly as if she tried to swallow. Natsu waited with baited breath for her throat to work, praying that it would, hoping that it wouldn't. Her fingers twitched, soft flesh digging into the earth as her spirit tried to find purchase in the physical world.

Seeing her like that, on the brink of nonexistence, made Natsu realize he was only brave enough to let her go once. He crawled into position at her side, opposite to Zeref, unmindful of their nearness, and watched the girl he loved drink down the lifeblood of their most hated enemy. Now she closed her lips around Zeref's finger and swallowed greedily. Her pallid skin slowly regained some of its usual glow. Her mouth turned darker than cherries. Her chest started to rise, albeit shallowly. Natsu's breath snagged and he knew he was right in asking Zeref to take his life earlier; he never could have gone on without her.

"She needed to die to be reborn," Zeref said in a hushed voice. Natsu glanced over at him, his eyes were heavy-lidded and his lips were slightly parted, an intense expression on his face as Lucy rolled her tongue around his finger. A hot poker of jealousy snaked through the dragon slayer's body. "I can do it."

Zeref met his eyes.

"I can bring Lucy back. She can have my blood," Natsu clarified.

"You want our demon all for yourself," Zeref mused adeptly. "No."

 _No._ Natsu didn't even get the chance to get mad. Lucy, coming more awake, bit Zeref hard enough to draw more blood from his body. The man gasped, then moaned. Natsu felt his body harden and lost his train of thought. He held his breath listening for Zeref's gasp again. He was rewarded a millisecond later when Lucy, as greedy as ever, nibbled on the dark mage's finger. Zeref tipped his head back, breathless, and grabbed Lucy by the hair. On contact, the blonde's eyes finally opened. They immediately found Natsu's. They were darker than ink and less human then they had ever been. Scalding heat seared through his skin.

Natsu was so entrapped by her eyes he didn't notice her reaching for him until her fingers, so cold, grabbed his wrist. He startled, taking in a shallow breath. The noise seemed to bring Zeref out of his pleasure-induced trance. Carefully, he took his finger out of Lucy's mouth. The blonde tried to grab his wrist and keep him there, but he tugged firmly out of her grasp.

"No—" Lucy started. "Please—"

"Hush." Zeref quieted her by finding the place between her legs.

Lucy arched and breathed unevenly, eyes meeting Natsu's. "N—Natsu—" His name was said quietly.

"Lucy." Natsu could hardly look at her and yet he couldn't bear to turn away.

Zeref's fingers slipped inside of her. She trailed off for a moment, lost to ecstasy, then regathered her thoughts enough to say, "You tried to kill me."

Her voice was husky and dark, belonging to her and not. Natsu swallowed, all too aware of Zeref's fingers moving between her legs, working a moan from her body. He wished it were him down there. "I did kill you, Lucy."

She squeezed his hand and said, "I guess we're even then." Zeref did something she was particularly happy with, distracting her. The demon king's name came out of her mouth lowly. _Reverently._ Her free hand moved up her body to cup her breast. Natsu watched, stapled in place while she rolled her nipple between her thumb and forefinger. An unintentional growl came from the dragon slayers' throat. Lucy glanced at him and smiled knowingly. "Are you jealous?"

There was no point in denying it. "Yes."

She panted again and arched her back. Natsu looked down her body. Zeref had leaned into her and had started flicking his tongue over her clit. Fire flitted across his skin, hot and sudden and telling.

Lucy's eyes were drawn to where he pressed hard against his pants. "You don't have to be. Join us."

 _You don't have to be._ "I—Lucy—I don't know if I can."

"You can," she assured.

Natsu glanced at Zeref. The dark mage didn't seem perturbed at the idea. _Maybe…_ "Lucy—"

"Take your pants off, Natsu—" Zeref did something else that made Natsu's name come out of Lucy's mouth in a frantic, sing-song voice.

 _Fuck._ Natsu grabbed the front of his pants and undid his belt, feeling guilty all the while. _Can I?_ The button popped open so easy. "You want us both?"

"I want _everything,"_ Lucy gasped.

Natsu got harder than ever. The zipper came down next.

Lucy, impatient, grabbed his pants and yanked them down with force, purring lewdly when he bounced out. She grabbed him immediately and leaned forward, wrapping her mouth around his body. His resistance evaporated. It was only seconds until her tongue dredged a hot breath from his lungs. Natsu allowed himself to touch her, grabbing her breast and pinching her pert nipple. She moaned. The dragon slayer didn't know if it was for him or for Zeref. Wasn't that part of the fun? His hand found her hair. It was knotty, not fine, sunshine-kissed silk but roughed gold. His fingers snagged in a matt. Clenching, he pulled her closer, using that as a leverage to thrust into her mouth. She moaned, sobbed, choked. Each sound travelled through him like an electric shock.

Movement drew Natsu's eyes towards Zeref. The dark mage was abandoning his clothes. The fabrics fell to the cave floor, revealing a pale, smooth and toned chest. Natsu kept looking, well past the point where he told himself to stop. Zeref worked on his pants, his hands shaking as he undid them. When he finally got himself free, he was rigid and throbbing. His hand moved over his own body slowly, teasingly. Even while he massaged himself he grabbed one of Lucy's legs, hooking beneath her knee and using it to lift her bottom off the ground. When she was level with his erection he slid into her, burying himself to the base.

Though Lucy's moans were muffled around his cock, Natsu still felt jealous. His body throbbed and he pumped faster, squeezing her breast and using her mouth. Zeref grasped her hips tightly and thrusted roughly inside of her, his movements both fast and coordinated. It wasn't long until Lucy was screaming as best she could. Her cheeks were pinked and her eyes were bright, her hair wild.

Looking at her being so used, Natsu thought he was going to come—but didn't want to just yet. He pulled out of her mouth and pushed her hands aside when she tried to keep him there, then leaned down and kissed her, tasting himself as well as Zeref's blood on her lips; it was an intoxicating flavour, one that clouded his mind, making him feel monstrous and glad to be that way.

Desire shooting through him, Natsu broke the kiss and put himself back at her lips again. Lucy opened, taking him in deep once more. The dragon slayer gasped. Heart pounding, his hand roamed down over her body, his fingers taking him to between her legs. Her clit was so swollen and sensitive that as soon as he touched her she bowed, caught between the two men she wanted most.

Zeref moved faster still. Natsu stopped bucking his hips so he could focus and match Zeref's speed. Lucy took over, sucking excitedly.

Seeing Natsu enjoy Lucy so, Zeref's body hardened almost unbearably. He seized one of Lucy's breasts. Through his hold he felt her body shake and _knew_. He buried himself in deep and felt her body contract on his. Her voice lifted into a muffled scream, she _writhed_. Watching her with his brother deep in her mouth almost made him come. He held off, just barely, and only because he pulled out of her.

Lucy took her mouth away from Natsu and panted, trying mostly in vain to catch her breath. " _Gods._ "

Zeref made himself stand and came to Lucy's front. "Get up."

Lucy blinked at him, looking almost satiated. Neither of her partners were, though. When she didn't move fast enough, Zeref grabbed her arm and wrenched her to her feet. She gasped at the abruptness of the movement but wasn't afraid. Her face tipped up like she expected Zeref to kiss her. He didn't. Still feeling rough, he forced her around so her back was against his chest. One arm wrapped up between her breasts, his hand closing on her throat, the other going for her leg. Lifting it, he spread her wide. "Taste her."

Natsu was already leaning into her, though, brushing his tongue over her body. Lucy shivered.

"Wait—" She was too sensitive. Natsu lapped faster. "Natsu—"

Zeref tightened his grip on her neck hard enough to cut into her windpipe. Natsu glanced up Lucy's body. Even restrained she didn't look panicked. She looked positively _thrilled._ Natsu didn't think the dark mage would kill her, though he wasn't foolish enough to believe it would never be that way. His tongue danced, alternating between fast flicks and slow licks. Lucy started to shake. Zeref eased his grip so she could moan rather than choke. The sound encouraged Natsu to use his fingers, too, filling her up with three. He barely had to try to make her come. Her body convulsed, her moan sounding more like a mournful cry as the orgasm took her.

Natsu slowed, then stopped. "Fuck." He was so hard he didn't even know what to do with himself. Feeling like an animal, he stood and came to Lucy, pressing in so his body was flush with hers, crushing Zeref's arm between them. Coming in for the blonde's mouth, he kissed her hard enough that he was sure he hurt her lips. He didn't care. His erection brushed over her slit. She was so wet and warm; it was easy to slip inside. Lucy's arm wrapped around his shoulder, then she was lifting her other leg, depending upon Zeref to hold her steady. Natsu grabbed her free leg, then the other, taking her weight. Zeref didn't back off like he thought he would; he stepped closer and probed at her second entrance.

Lucy's heart quivered when she realized what Zeref was doing. She didn't stop him, though she was apprehensive. Getting in wasn't easy or without pain, but he went slow until he was deep inside, then he started moving his hips, gaining speed with every thrust. The pain dulled. Natsu matched his rhythm and the pain totally faded; it only felt amazing, being filled up by both of her men. Leaning her head back she found Zeref's mouth and kissed him. Maybe she would have stayed there, but Natsu bit the topmost swell of her breast, reminding her to pay him attention as well. She kissed him next, all the while thinking, _this is where I belong._

* * *

One onyx and eleven golden keys lay against the damp stone. Lucy touched them with cool fingers, feeling the dimpled and gilded metal, wanting, even for an instant, to hang on to something that was no longer hers. Her contracts were severed, truly abolished when she died. Her rebirth didn't matter—the rules of the magic were absolute.

She fingered Loke's key in particular and wondered after the lion. Soon, maybe even while her body still ached, she'd call him and make him truly hers.

"The best part of being a demon," Zeref whispered against her ear, "Is that you can take whatever you want." As if he read her mind. They were so tightly twisted together now that perhaps he did.

Lucy turned her head enough that she could glance at him from between her lashes. Leaning back against the stone wall, arm wrapped around her waist, mouth inches from her shoulder, he looked pleased with himself, contented and satisfied, as if there was a hole in his heart that had been, if not mended, at least patched. She tipped her head slightly to the left to afford him better access to her neck. "You don't think we take too much?"

Thinking on his answer, Zeref brushed her hair aside, then laid a light kiss against her throat. Lucy shivered and squeezed her fingers into Natsu's ribs. Between her legs, resting his head against her chest, the dragon slayer leaned his head back, wanting to hear Zeref's reply. Lucy stole a kiss, unable to help herself. He still tasted like Natsu, but a little more like smoke and ash and less like sunlight. He tasted better. She wrapped a hand around his throat and deepened the kiss, sliding her tongue over his and taking what she had wanted for so many years.

"I don't think we take _enough_ ," Zeref said finally. His hands played through her hair as she kissed his brother. "You make a beautiful demon, Lucy." One of his best creations. Second only to END.

Lucy finally leaned away from Natsu to ask, "Do you miss the things you lost? Do you miss being human?"

Zeref considered his answer. "Yes and no. For a long time, I wanted to atone for my sins; I thought the only way to do that was to die."

Lucy tried to imagine a world without Zeref; it wasn't a world she wanted to live in.

"Natsu was to be my killer," Zeref continued. He looked to his brother laying against the woman he loved, finally happy. Natsu met his eyes and blinked lazily.

"Now I realize," Zeref said, brushing Natsu's hair back as well, "That I shouldn't feel guilty for what I am and what I want. If I have the power to take it…" He kissed Lucy, leaving his thought unfinished. This solution wasn't perfect, but he had given Natsu what he wanted, satisfied his own greedy tendencies by taking back his brother, and saved a dying girl that he had somehow fallen in love with, all in one swing. He refused to think on how being a true demon had changed Lucy; she was more beautiful for it, darker and less bound by guilt. Her guiltlessness was helping him bury his own. The three of them were better together. "I shouldn't be guilty for taking happiness." The more he said it, the truer it felt.

Natsu couldn't deny the contentedness he felt. He reached up and cupped Lucy's cheek, wondering if this feeling in his chest was happiness.

Lucy found his gaze. "Are you frightened of being END?"

Natsu pulled her closer so her lips hovered above his, then breathed her in, sweet and dark and rich. "I'm not afraid of it, not anymore." He didn't think about the old Natsu Dragneel or the guild he left behind, not when Lucy was beside him. "I've never felt stronger in my life," he told her truthfully.

Zeref's face broke into a wicked smile, an idea coming to him. "Maybe we should go visit an old friend and see how strong you've both become."

Lucy looked at him curiously. "An old friend?"

"It's been a long while since I've met with Acnolognia."

Natsu's eyes brightened, his laziness evaporating. "You want to destroy the black dragon?" It felt possible, especially with Lucy and Zeref at his side.

Lucy quickly caught onto his bloodlust. " _Yes_."

Natsu stood and pulled her to her feet. Zeref rose behind her. Lucy reached down and grasped her keys, unable to leave them behind. Perhaps she'd try to work out new contracts, if they'd accept her. Or maybe she'd just force them, as she did with Loke.

She pulled shadows against her body and used them to cover her nakedness. When Zeref slipped into the dark, she and Natsu followed.

The world was theirs to take.

* * *

 **A/N** : Thanks for reading everyone! I'm much more satisfied with this version, though I'm still wordy as fuck and I think some parts were still confusing. Eh, whatever, right?

It's been a riot. Check out some of my other work, and my IRL book, if you're interested. It's called The Abolition of Caden Hail by Kaitlin Corvus. You can find it on Amazon :)

Cool. Peace!


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